Today I met that very special girl again.
I knew she has a crush on me, but I felt doubtful about my own feelings. Each time when she was there and got to the more love-y things I felt very bad and horrible... and just wanted to be alone and cry... but at the same time I felt happy and fuzzy... (this already counts, lol)
I was so confused WHY I felt that way, so torn apart...
Until it struck me: love is one big twisting ball of gender dysphoria of me. Just THINKING of a relationship (and doing love-y things) makes me whimper in a corner. When I realized that I could clearly distinguish my love for her and my dysphoria, and feel very relieved and happy now that I am NOT going mad, DO love her back, and that I now finally know what was going on with me.
So yeah, today was a rollercoaster ride between flying through the skies and wanting to cry in a dark corner and be alone.