Is transition selfish?

[Kevin Peña]

Well, I thought of an interesting discussion: is transition selfish?

I know a lot of people here see it as something that isn't so, but is that necessarily the case? I know that there are other people involved in transition (friends, family, coworkers, etc.), but we all decide to disregard the often negative views of transition ("don't do it" or "what about our marriage?" come to mind) in order to make ourselves feel better and live a life worth living, or to us at least.

I'm not saying that transition is a bad thing; in fact, it's far from bad. I'd say it's downright innocuous if you look at it from a pragmatic perspective. There is nothing inherently wrong with transition. However, the question I pose is not if it's a bad thing, but a selfish one.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Probably, don't care because I'm just a generally selfish and greedy person anyway, lolz.

I like to think everyone is selfish, I mean you're all living in a house, paying for internet access and buying nice things. All of that money could be going to starving third-world orphans!

[Kevin Peña]

Exactly! Thank you! 

[AlexD]

Given that many trans people can become depressed to the point of feeling suicidal, you could argue that it's less selfish than not transitioning, since a dead family member is worse than one who starts dressing like the opposite gender. Depends on the family, though, I guess. :p

Another way of looking at it is the big picture view -- the more trans people who are open about who they are, the more normal it'll seem to society at large, and thus the more comfortable the next generation of trans family members will be. (To say nothing of the reduced stress the next generation of trans kids themselves will experience.)

[Kevin Peña]

Those are some good points, too. However, from a purely logical viewpoint, isn't self-preservation selfish?

I'm sorry. I know I can be difficult. 

[AlexD]

Is it?

If you strip our actions down a simple logical argument, then our entire purpose in life is ensure the continuation of the species, in which case a trans person who gets SRS or kills themselves before having kids is selfish; whereas one who gets SRS or kills themelves after having kids is not selfish.

But that argument is ridiculous because it's ignoring the thousands of other factors that make us do what we do. Self-preservation can be selfish or noble or both. It's always going to be a balancing act, so I guess we just have to do whatever seems like the right thing to do and hope we made the right decision.

[Kevin Peña]

Alright, but what about those of us who are non-suicidal that transition, despite the fact that there are people in our lives (like my super-Catholic mom) who would be "heartbroken" as a result?

[AlexD]

That's the trouble with balancing acts -- you're always going to make some bad with the good. But what else can you do, other than reshuffle the scales so something else is black?

[Kevin Peña]

Like my dad said (when I first came out to him) what are other people going to think of you and our family? Don't be so selfish. That was so insulting to me. Hiding would be a selfless act and him "forcing" me to act a certain way would be selfish.

I understand your frustration. My mom said just about the same thing. Him telling you to suppress your feelings is selfish, I was just wondering if others think transition is too.

I for one think that it is, at least in my case (don't know how everyone else sees it). I feel bad, so I want to do something for myself. It's like buy a pair of fancy shoes. I know that there is a huge difference (one can be necessary, while the other isn't), but I hope you get my point.

[Anna++]

From Wikipedia:

Selfishness is placing concern with oneself or one's own interests above the well-being or interests of others.

I think that keeping YOURSELF alive and living the life YOU want fits into this definition of selfish.  But like others have pointed out, that doesn't mean that being selfish is always a bad thing.

[Kevin Peña]

Well, of course selfishness isn't always bad. I'm not saying transition is either. I'm just saying that transition technically can be construed validly as being selfish.

[JoanneB]

On the surface, yes.

When the decision process finally boils down to do I do myself in, or try something different than no.

IMHO, selfishness applies when "Magical thinking" rules. Transition is generally not an easy decision to make since the decision affects many more lifes than our own

[JessicaH]

EVERYTHING we do is selfish. A human being or any organism doesn't expend effort to do anything unless there is a positive benefit in doing it on a negative consequence of not doing something. Think of the most unselfish person or deed you can come up with and I will prove it.

[Kevin Peña]

My feeling, Diana, is that once you start going through transition and you start feeling so amazing and so much better about yourself you too will see how these actions are not selfish, though I too once pondered if these actions in fact were.

Well, I don't know if my opinion on selfishness will change, but I hope that you're right about me feeling better.

Think of the most unselfish person or deed you can come up with and I will prove it.

I'm a volunteer firefighter and I've run into burning buildings to save complete strangers without getting paid (hence being a volunteer).

Have a field day.

[Emily Aster]

We're told to look out for number one our whole lives. Just for some reason, we didn't get the memo. We care too much about how our actions will affect those around us. If you really think about it, those that would make you feel shame for being yourself are the selfish ones. You can't be happy because it would make them sad. Their reactions of you make you sad. Everybody's looking out for their own happiness. We should be no exception.

[King Malachite]

I view my ->-bleeped-<- as a medical condition.

Transitioning will help with that medical condition.

I don't think it's selfish to get the help that I need.

[muffinpants]

I would say that transitioning is not selfish in anyway. Is changing your shirt or hairstyle selfish? It really shouldn't matter to the rest of the world what you want to do with your body or how you wish to dress or present yourself.

[Kevin Peña]

It really shouldn't matter to the rest of the world what you want to do with your body or how you wish to dress or present yourself.

Girl, you're preaching to the wrong crowd. We're already sold on that point, so don't waste your time. 

Unfortunately, for some illogical reason, it does matter to some overly sensitive people that get in a tiff about innocuous things because it goes against the Bible or something. We disregard their feelings and only listen to our own. Food for thought. 

[=celestica=]

On the surface, yes.

When the decision process finally boils down to do I do myself in, or try something different than no.

IMHO, selfishness applies when "Magical thinking" rules. Transition is generally not an easy decision to make since the decision affects many more lifes than our own

^^

it really depends on your situation.

[JessicaH]

Well, I don't know if my opinion on selfishness will change, but I hope that you're right about me feeling better.

I'm a volunteer firefighter and I've run into burning buildings to save complete strangers without getting paid (hence being a volunteer).

Have a field day.

You make this too easy! :-)   With YOUR values, what would be the cost of standing there and doing NOTHING?  I will let YOU answer what you got out of doing such an incredible but selfish act...