Ok I Admit It

[Anna++]

Ok, thanks guys! I just feel like I need to know what I am so I can go ahead and transition or just stay as I already am

Fair enough, and as long as you're confused please make the default "stay as you are"

Ok, I understand what you mean about it maybe not being your place to say if I am or not but I thought that surely other trans people would know if I am it not as they have been through the same/similar situations.

We all have different backgrounds, different life stories and different severity of dysphoria.  Life would be so much easier (or at least less confusing) if there was a cookie-cutter example of what it's like to be trans.

Also, if I'm in panic mode, is that one of the early stages of being trans?

I don't think so.  My point is more that while you're panicking it's going to be harder to think clearly about who you are and what you want.

Also people have said that I might just be a CD or TV but I read that most TS start out as CDs so I could just be at an early stage

But how many CDs aren't TS?  You need to look at both sides of the issue here .

I'm really scared about going to a trans support group cos if it turns out I am not a trans then I don't wanna waste their time. Also if we have mutual friends then they might find out.

I've only been to one support group meeting, and everybody there was really, really nice.  I'm also concerned about running into anybody I know, so I chose to drive an hour to a place where I don't know anybody.  I assure you, you won't be wasting anybody's time.

And everyone is saying that only I know if I am trans but I don't know that is one of the reasons I joined the forum.

And that's a good start!  We're happy to have you here.  Like I said earlier, read other people's posts and experiences.  Even if you don't have anything to add, it should still help you figure out where you fit in.  I know it's confusing and scary, but that's why this support forum exists.

[Sarah Louise]

Wasting their time if I'm not trans??

There is no such thing as wasting their time, that is what support groups are for, to help you understand yourself and your gender issues.

Trying to get into a therapist is the same thing, they are there to help you understand your feelings.  No one else can tell you for sure who or what you are, they can only offer insights and help you to face your issues.

That's what we do here, give you a sounding board to share your fears and goals.  Hopefully people here give you good advice, but it is totally up to you how and what you decide to do with our comments.

[FTMDiaries]

Also, if I'm in panic mode, is that one of the early stages of being trans?

Loads of people panic for all sorts of reasons. It doesn't necessarily mean a thing.

Your post about wanting to dress up as a Spice Girl made me think of something. Do you remember on this year's X Factor, when Rylan met Geri Halliwell? He said that he'd been a huge fan of the Spice Girls since he was a little girl when (as a fellow ginge) he used to dress up as her.

It struck me as odd that he referred to himself as a little girl, because he seems to identify as a gay man and I didn't for a second think of him as being trans. I still don't. Some gay men are naturally effeminate and like girly things. That's perfectly OK. It doesn't necessarily mean they're trans.

You *could* go and talk to a therapist in a panic, but I'd advise you to take a deep breath and try the NHS way of doing things. Which is as follows:

• Talk to your GP, tell them you think you might be trans, and ask them to refer you on.
• They'll send you to your local Community Mental Health team just to check whether there's anything else that might be causing you to feel this way.
• If your Community Mental Health team gives you a clean bill of health and thinks you might possibly be trans, they'll refer you to a therapist.

There are a couple of well-known therapists in the London area (and online, if you prefer), so if you wanted to go private it wouldn't be a bad idea to start with the ones who work at the NHS's Gender Identity Clinic at Charing Cross as you'd probably be referred there if you go the NHS route anyway. If you look them up, you'll be able to find out which ones see patients privately.

Whatever you do, don't rush in. Transitioning takes years to finalise so if you need to do it, you have plenty of time to consider your options.

[anya921]

Also people have said that I might just be a CD or TV but I read that most TS start out as CDs so I could just be at an early stage

Well most do some don't. For a fact I didn't started as a CD. I just knew I wanted to be a girl and dressing up came later. There are also some who do crossdress but they never want to alter the way they look their body nor they want change sex. People like Andrej Pejić. He is a major model and done lot of catwalks both as a male model and female model and gosh he look gorgeous as a female model and he ranked among top 50 male models. As far as I know he never mentioned anything  regarding to change his sex or even to have HRT. ( Please correct me if I am wrong.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrej_Peji%C4%87
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/andrej%20pejic
http://andrejpejicpage.tumblr.com/

So you have to figure it out what you like and what you really want. Do you like dressing up because it is fun or because you feel much like your self. Do you like and want others to treat you like a woman. I feel these are the things that going to matter in the end.

[Emily Aster]

That's why everyone suggested seeing a therapist. They can help you isolate each of your concerns so you can make a better decision. They may tell you whether or not they believe you are ts, but only you can make the final decision.

Support groups are a great way to help you find out more about yourself. People there aren't going to judge you, so you can explore in peace.

I expect you're in panic mode because of what you read on the internet. I did the same thing. Everything indicated I needed to be in full go mode before 29 for optimal results and I was 25. I thought I had to make a decision then and there, but this is a real life-changer and you have a lot of fear over it right now. If the fear of transitioning outweighs the fear of not doing it, then there are other routes you can take if you determine that you are indeed ts, and a therapist can help show you what they are.

Not all CD's or TV's find out that they're trans, so merely enjoying crossdressing is not a good indicator. A lot of ts's, myself included, started off with CD only because we didn't know there was another option. Many of us spent a lifetime hoping that wishful thinking would make a full change, but the only thing available to us was crossdressing.

[Alice-blossom]

I'm like Anya, in that I never cross-dressed as a child while still knowing that I wanted to be a girl.

[Anna++]

Me too.  I only started last October *after* I had been questioning myself for a while.

[FTMDiaries]

I was a boy who couldn't stand being forced to cross-dress in girls' clothing.

Unfortunately, I was born female-bodied, so it was nigh-on impossible to convince my parents of that fact.

[Bexi]

Likewise, I never cross-dressed. Hell, I never even contemplated it!

And now I wear clothing for women, I still don't see myself as a cross-dresser.

x

[Rachel]

I tried to avoid, forget, lie to myself and numb/dumb down my guilt for being a female in a male body. I denied myself to the point I could not deny any longer. As for dysphoria, it is increasing. The closer I get the pull gets stronger from my desire and the push stronger from my dysphoria. I want to transition. I want to go to therapy. I want to be happy. I never wanted to be a boy, and adolescient male or a man.

There is nothing wrong with being trans or gay. It is wrong to hurt yourself. I wish I came to terms long ago ( much past torture). The present will be your new past. So make the most of right now.

Perhaps you may want to consider talking to a therapist and slowing down to catch yourself. 

[Tristan]

did you forget to take your medicine today like maybe to take your chill pill! no but seriously being transsexual is not bad. i was like you and stressed out about it so much before and tried to be a normal guy (quote) but that just made people figure it out faster and me unhappy. you dont have to transition if you dont want too. but i can tell you i am now happy. do i have problems from time to time yes, but they are all average problems that everyone deals with and they tend to pass fast. just take things one step at a time and see where life takes you. man or woman your still you.

[Elspeth]

People like Andrej Pejić. He is a major model and done lot of catwalks both as a male model and female model and gosh he look gorgeous as a female model and he ranked among top 50 male models. As far as I know he never mentioned anything  regarding to change his sex or even to have HRT. ( Please correct me if I am wrong.)

I haven't heard him say anything committal, but I have heard him say some ambiguous things. I don't know whether that's something coming from him personally or his publicist, though. It seems like his statements come across as  genuine (but also incomplete). They also are more than a little flirtatious and coy.  The shielding might just be a sign that he's trying to maintain some sort of private life during  whatever time he has in the spotlight. 

At least for now, he seems grounded in taking a super-androgynous approach, but for someone who is banking on his loveliness, there's also probably some degree of planning that's gone into positioning him in such a space, one that is eminently press- and camera-ready.

My opinion based on a few interviews I've seen, and probably not to be given much weight. What he thinks in private could be very different from the public persona, since models are, after all, a kind of well-studied package of images and poses and attitude.

[AdamMLP]

You're almost sounding like you want to be trans now. It's like taking depression tests over and over again seeking for a worse result to give myself a reason to feel sad as a kid. It got to the point I didn't know what I was thinking and what I thought I should be thinking. I don't know if you're trans, or what you want to hear, just relax. You are who you are and gender shouldn't be ruling that, whether you are trans or not. Experiment, find what makes you feel right. Sit down and look at yourself, how do you really feel about parts of you, and not just the obvious bits.

[FreshGuy]

You're almost sounding like you want to be trans now. It's like taking depression tests over and over again seeking for a worse result to give myself a reason to feel sad as a kid. It got to the point I didn't know what I was thinking and what I thought I should be thinking. I don't know if you're trans, or what you want to hear, just relax. You are who you are and gender shouldn't be ruling that, whether you are trans or not. Experiment, find what makes you feel right. Sit down and look at yourself, how do you really feel about parts of you, and not just the obvious bits.

Hey, can you elaborate what you meant about the depression test things? And how does it relate? Thanks, it seems interesting.

[AdamMLP]

Hey, can you elaborate what you meant about the depression test things? And how does it relate? Thanks, it seems interesting.

It's not the best comparison in the world, but when I was younger, twelve to fourteen I think, I took a lot of online depression tests.  I wanted an explanation for why I felt the way I did about life, death and generally why I always felt so sad and down.  I think I was scared that I wouldn't be 'depressed enough' because I would lose the only explanation that I felt was legitimate, and after the first couple of times I got so hung up on what answers would give what results that I found it hard to be honest.  I almost felt disappointed when the results got better, because then I wouldn't have a reason to feel the way I did anymore, and that meant that I was crazy and fitted in no where for no reason -- looking back that was probably because I was trans and the guys didn't want to be see hanging around with a 'girl'.

When I got referred to my GP they asked the same basic diagnostic questions as the online tests did, and by that point I was unable to answer honestly for myself because I knew what each answer would tell him.  If I gave the answers that would lead to depression then what would they do, I might get medication, but would it take my mind away from me?  If I gave the answers that would say I was okay then everyone would just think I was a faker and want to know why.  If I gave him the truth... what was the truth and what was I just trying to project onto myself to get the answers I wanted?  I'd over thought things to the point that I didn't know what I honestly felt any more.

I see this relating to you because you seem like you're looking for specific answers.  Everything that you're saying that isn't the general characteristics of a trans person is always suffixed with "but it could just be denial."   Yes, it could be some sort of denial, but that's for you to work out, we can only help you by commenting on what we're told, and if you're not able to be entirely honest with yourself, or fishing for specific answers -- not saying that you're conscious that you're doing it -- we'll definitely not be able to be that useful.  Seeing someone in real life would make it easier, but I think you mentioned something about getting messed around by the NHS before?  (Apologies if I've gotten the wrong person.)  Well, join the club mate.  It's always worth giving them another go though, because I don't believe that if my experiences were widespread that there would be any shrinks left in the country.  I've also got a temperament that doesn't match well with the average airy-fairy shrink, so you might fare better.

Have you ever flipped a coin and got disappointed by the answer so you do a best of three, and then a best of five, and then decide to go against it anyway?  By flipping that coin and setting up rules about what would happen if you got heads, or if you got tails, it helps you to work out what you really want by whether you're disappointed by the results or not.  Obviously this is more suited to working out whether you should have porridge or pancakes for breakfast (pancakes seeing as it's pancake day!) than deciding what gender you are, but the basic theory is there.  If I flipped a coin and said, if it's heads I have to come out to everyone and sign my deed poll, if it's tails then I have to delete my Susans account, tell my girlfriend it was all a mistake and never think of trans things again, I would feel devastated if it came up tails.  Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball for the rest of time.  We might think we want things, but at the end of the day it's when the other options are seemingly taken away from us we decide what we really need.

A couple of people have suggested working through your other issues first before trying to determine whether or not you are trans.  That's always a good idea, and what a good shrink will have you do first, or alongside any trans issues if you go to see them questioning your gender.  If there is a root to your constant thinking that you're trans then it's better for everyone if that root is fixed, rather than just sticking you on hormones.  Not saying that being trans is caused by a root, but in your case it seems like there may be some OCD or anxiety which is leading you to fixate on this, like others have said.  I don't have any personal experience with illnesses like those so I can't really comment too much there, other than to see people about it.

Where there any other triggers that started you thinking this way?  You've said you were dressing up as Sporty Spice in your room and started wondering whether or not it meant you were trans.  From what you've told us, you were dressing up because you were going out in a group all dressed up, rather than doing it to really experiment or feel comfortable.  Okay, so you might not have had to dress up there and then but could have waited until the night, but it's pretty natural to wanting to see how things look, especially when they're not "allowed".  It's like me as a little kid attempting to put make up on, did that make me grow up into a woman?  Heck no, I wouldn't go near the stuff now.  I just wanted to see what it would look like.  I'm just a little confused how that seems to have sparked off this whole worrying about whether or not you're trans, and whether you're going to lose your penis.

And on the matter of the penis, no one is going to force you to have it removed, and with MTF SRS it's not just hacked off anyway, whether you are or aren't trans.  And as far as I am aware it's perfectly normal to have it shrink and the balls retract in cold weather, something to do with regulating temperatures I'm assuming, so I wouldn't worry there.

This is more relevant to another thread you've started, but I'm going to post it here because I'm lazy:

Transgender and transsexual don't mean the same things.  I would say that someone who doesn't identify as their birth sex entirely would be transgender.  I think if you're perfectly comfortable with your body and how society views you without doing anything to change you from your assigned gender ("what you were born as" *cringe*) then you're not transgender.  That's just my take on it though, and the definitions vary a lot, even within this site.  A man who dresses up as a woman once does not make him trans, or a crossdresser.  If he enjoys it and does it regularly then yes, I could say that it did make him a crossdresser, but wouldn't stop him being male.  Hundreds of women, lesbian and otherwise, wear men's clothes, that doesn't mean that they're all crossdressers though in my eyes.  It's a complicated world out there when you're talking about clearly defining things so complex and entwined in society and stereotypes as this.

I personally would say that:
- If you want and desire surgery or hormones then you are "transsexual", even if you cannot afford them, or it would be medically unsafe so you refrain.

- If you dress as the opposite gender to perform then you are a drag king/queen.

- If you dress as the opposite gender because it's sexy to you then you are a ->-bleeped-<- (what lovely pictures that word brings up.)

- If you dress as the opposite gender because you want to then I would say that it's good for you and f- the labels, but some would class you as a CD, especially if you're dressing in female clothes as a male.  I don't like defining this because there seems to be a double standard between men and women, no one would call my girlfriend a CD, but she's always wearing her dad and brothers clothes, but if my dad threw on my mother's trousers then there would be a stir.

More importantly though, stop worrying about labels.  Some people find them comforting, and they're useful to find people like you I suppose, but that's all they're really good for.  I don't know what my sexuality is, and it doesn't matter to me, I like who I like, and okay if I had to I would probably tell you that I was a straight demisexual, but it doesn't feel important to me.  Am I transgender or transsexual?  I'm probably "officially" transsexual, but to me I'm just male.  Forget the labels, who are you underneath them all?  How would you explain how you felt about your gender etc to a small child who had never heard those words?

[pebbles]

I'm not a judging kind of girl I'm not in any position to tell you what you are or aren't

Dressing as a girl doesn't make you a girl... I dressed up as a twi'lek last Halloween didn't make me a twi'lek. Bubble writing doesn't make you a girl nor dose putting on a dress or make up.

If your a woman you don't need me or anyone else to confirm this for you. You definitely don't need those silly tests to tell you, they only ever tell you exactly what you want to hear nobody is on the other end of the line, Your only convincing yourself that's the only person that matters.

You've said things like "Oh I'm a transsexual I have to transition"
Why? Why do you have to transition? Do you WANT to transition? Do you want the results that come out of it?

If you take hormones your gonna grow boobs one day you might have to wear a bra as a matter of practical necessity, nothing kinky or exotic about as mundane as brushing your teeth. it's gonna change other things too ya know... I'm only mentioning the obvious one.

If you wear a skirt your gonna be a person in a skirt.
If you get electrolysis/laser hair removal your gonna have no beard
If you get SRS your gonna have a vagina.
if you train your voice your gonna sound like a girl.
If you get a name change people will call you that name

And if you do all of them work hard at them and get lucky people are gonna look at you when they meet you and say "hello miss"

I'm not going to make you a doctor isn't going to make you no imaginary illness is going to make you cut your testicles off and force you.
If you want or need those above things then ask people how you go about it and that the everyday humdrum of begin a woman will be yours too.

[Annah]

1. It isn't enjoyable to transition. Those who transitioned are either bat&*# crazy or the strongest people on this earth. I am still evaluating which one I am

2. Based on your most recent thread (not this one), I do not think you are "transsexual" (Gawd I hate that word). I think you enjoy crossdressing. Which brings me to number 3:

3. No amount of posts to help you will amount to anything until you see a therapist who is trained to spot those who suffer from GID or who really needs to transition.

Feedback from others is awesome. I valued the feedback I have received when I first transitioned and even today. However, none of the suggestions on whether or not you should transition or whether or not you are TransSexual is really in stone until you talk to a therapist who can see you and talk to you.

[FreshGuy]

It's not the best comparison in the world, but when I was younger, twelve to fourteen I think, I took a lot of online depression tests.  I wanted an explanation for why I felt the way I did about life, death and generally why I always felt so sad and down.  I think I was scared that I wouldn't be 'depressed enough' because I would lose the only explanation that I felt was legitimate, and after the first couple of times I got so hung up on what answers would give what results that I found it hard to be honest.  I almost felt disappointed when the results got better, because then I wouldn't have a reason to feel the way I did anymore, and that meant that I was crazy and fitted in no where for no reason -- looking back that was probably because I was trans and the guys didn't want to be see hanging around with a 'girl'.

When I got referred to my GP they asked the same basic diagnostic questions as the online tests did, and by that point I was unable to answer honestly for myself because I knew what each answer would tell him.  If I gave the answers that would lead to depression then what would they do, I might get medication, but would it take my mind away from me?  If I gave the answers that would say I was okay then everyone would just think I was a faker and want to know why.  If I gave him the truth... what was the truth and what was I just trying to project onto myself to get the answers I wanted?  I'd over thought things to the point that I didn't know what I honestly felt any more.

Yeah I can see what you mean there. I get what you mean about knowing what the evidence suggests and I think that most of the evidence seems to suggest I am not a transsexual but since April I have been worrying that I am. I have read through so much information online about how to tell what is typical of people who transition.

I see this relating to you because you seem like you're looking for specific answers.

I think what you're saying here is right and I have kinda been reassurance seeking while also genuinely trying to find out the answer.

Everything that you're saying that isn't the general characteristics of a trans person is always suffixed with "but it could just be denial."

Yeah, this is to try and avoid being biased in my posts. I read that a lot of people who transition go through a period of denial so my responses suggesting I am not transsexual may just be an aspect of 'denial' In all my posts though I have posted answers as honestly as I can.

Yes, it could be some sort of denial, but that's for you to work out,

Agreed but I don't really know how to work out if I am in denial. I am being as honest with myself as I can.

we can only help you by commenting on what we're told, and if you're not able to be entirely honest with yourself, or fishing for specific answers -- not saying that you're conscious that you're doing it -- we'll definitely not be able to be that useful.

I have been posting all the evidence I have that I thought may be indicative of me being transsexual

Seeing someone in real life would make it easier, but I think you mentioned something about getting messed around by the NHS before?  (Apologies if I've gotten the wrong person.)  Well, join the club mate.  It's always worth giving them another go though, because I don't believe that if my experiences were widespread that there would be any shrinks left in the country.  I've also got a temperament that doesn't match well with the average airy-fairy shrink, so you might fare better.

Well remembered, that is me! I am waiting to potentially receive counselling at my Uni. Should I stick with that for now and then go to the NHS if it doesn't help it whatever?

Have you ever flipped a coin and got disappointed by the answer so you do a best of three, and then a best of five, and then decide to go against it anyway?  By flipping that coin and setting up rules about what would happen if you got heads, or if you got tails, it helps you to work out what you really want by whether you're disappointed by the results or not.  Obviously this is more suited to working out whether you should have porridge or pancakes for breakfast (pancakes seeing as it's pancake day!) than deciding what gender you are, but the basic theory is there.  If I flipped a coin and said, if it's heads I have to come out to everyone and sign my deed poll, if it's tails then I have to delete my Susans account, tell my girlfriend it was all a mistake and never think of trans things again, I would feel devastated if it came up tails.  Just thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball for the rest of time.  We might think we want things, but at the end of the day it's when the other options are seemingly taken away from us we decide what we really need.

I flipped a coin lol, I had heads for stay as a boy and tails is transition. The first flip was tails, I didn't really feel much but I decided to do best of 3 Nd the other two times said male which I was hoping for. obviously I would not base the decision to transition on a coinflip but I thought I would do it anyway. Also, I'm gonna say it cos I feel like I should but it could just be denial that made me want it to land on 'stay a boy' so I dunno if it was useful anyway lol but I understand the point you are getting across.

A couple of people have suggested working through your other issues first before trying to determine whether or not you are trans.  That's always a good idea, and what a good shrink will have you do first, or alongside any trans issues if you go to see them questioning your gender.  If there is a root to your constant thinking that you're trans then it's better for everyone if that root is fixed, rather than just sticking you on hormones.  Not saying that being trans is caused by a root, but in your case it seems like there may be some OCD or anxiety which is leading you to fixate on this, like others have said.  I don't have any personal experience with illnesses like those so I can't really comment too much there, other than to see people about it.

Yeah I think I am going to work on my other issues first. I have taken out loads of books on overcoming anxiety and worry from the library which will be useful

Where there any other triggers that started you thinking this way?

Here are things that happened to me prior to thinking I was trans:

For a project at Uni, I read an article that was about transgender people in 19th century and another one about South American men that dress as women. I was worried as to why I has chosen to read these articles. Did it indicate that I was transsexual in some way?

I had fancied my Flatmate and best friend for 2 years. He comes out to me as gay and we get it on. This was honestly a dream come true for me as I was completely in love with him. In my eyes (at the time) he was perfect and at the time I had been smoking a lot of cannabis with him
and other friends just so that I could hang out with him more. During this time I smoked a hell of a lot. then a couple of days later, he told me that he doesn't want to carry on with me because he didn't find me attractive. I hid from him how hurt I was but this completely destroyed me. I felt so down. I know it sounds silly but I had imagined that I would spend the rest of my life with him
and live out my 'dream' It took months and months to get over him. I started to worry I was transsexual about 2 weeks after he dumped me.

In the week where I started to worry I was trans, I came out to my mum as bisexual but she didn't take it as well as I was expecting and this made me down.

Also in the week that I started to worry I was transsexual, I had binge drunk on every night at the pub with friends.

You've said you were dressing up as Sporty Spice in your room and started wondering whether or not it meant you were trans.

Correct, this was the week after the boy I had fancied for 2 weeks had dumped me.

From what you've told us, you were dressing up because you were going out in a group all dressed up, rather than doing it to really experiment or feel comfortable.  Okay, so you might not have had to dress up there and then but could have waited until the night, but it's pretty natural to wanting to see how things look, especially when they're not "allowed".  It's like me as a little kid attempting to put make up on, did that make me grow up into a woman?  Heck no, I wouldn't go near the stuff now.  I just wanted to see what it would look like.

Yup, that is correct and good point.

When I had my consultation with the NHS psychologist, I was scared to tell them/not ready to in case it meant that I had to have a sex change but in the consultation I didn't have opportunity to raise many of my concerns.

I'm just a little confused how that seems to have sparked off this whole worrying about whether or not you're trans, and whether you're going to lose your penis.

I thought that because I had worn it alone in my room that it meant I must be a transsexual and the fear escalated from that.

And on the matter of the penis, no one is going to force you to have it removed, and with MTF SRS it's not just hacked off anyway, whether you are or aren't trans.  And as far as I am aware it's perfectly normal to have it shrink and the balls retract in cold weather, something to do with regulating temperatures I'm assuming, so I wouldn't worry there.

Ok, that is good =)

This is more relevant to another thread you've started, but I'm going to post it here because I'm lazy:

Transgender and transsexual don't mean the same things.  I would say that someone who doesn't identify as their birth sex entirely would be transgender.  I think if you're perfectly comfortable with your body and how society views you without doing anything to change you from your assigned gender ("what you were born as" *cringe*) then you're not transgender.  That's just my take on it though, and the definitions vary a lot, even within this site.  A man who dresses up as a woman once does not make him trans, or a crossdresser.  If he enjoys it and does it regularly then yes, I could say that it did make him a crossdresser, but wouldn't stop him being male.  Hundreds of women, lesbian and otherwise, wear men's clothes, that doesn't mean that they're all crossdressers though in my eyes.  It's a complicated world out there when you're talking about clearly defining things so complex and entwined in society and stereotypes as this.

I personally would say that:
- If you want and desire surgery or hormones then you are "transsexual", even if you cannot afford them, or it would be medically unsafe so you refrain.

- If you dress as the opposite gender to perform then you are a drag king/queen.

- If you dress as the opposite gender because it's sexy to you then you are a ->-bleeped-<- (what lovely pictures that word brings up.)

- If you dress as the opposite gender because you want to then I would say that it's good for you and f- the labels, but some would class you as a CD, especially if you're dressing in female clothes as a male.  I don't like defining this because there seems to be a double standard between men and women, no one would call my girlfriend a CD, but she's always wearing her dad and brothers clothes, but if my dad threw on my mother's trousers then there would be a stir.

More importantly though, stop worrying about labels.  Some people find them comforting, and they're useful to find people like you I suppose, but that's all they're really good for.  I don't know what my sexuality is, and it doesn't matter to me, I like who I like, and okay if I had to I would probably tell you that I was a straight demisexual, but it doesn't feel important to me.  Am I transgender or transsexual?  I'm probably "officially" transsexual, but to me I'm just male.  Forget the labels, who are you underneath them all?  How would you explain how you felt about your gender etc to a small child who had never heard those words?

Thank you for your reply

To a five year old I would say that I am a boy but
I am scared that I am really a girl in a man's body

[crazy at the coast]

Those who transitioned are either bat&*# crazy or the strongest people on this earth.

I'm one of the former for sure.

[Flan]

Yeah I can see what you mean there. I get what you mean about knowing what the evidence suggests and I think that most of the evidence seems to suggest I am not a transsexual but since April I have been worrying that I am. I have read through so much information online about how to tell what is typical of people who transition.

My 2 cents plus change:
Quit trying to fit yourself into somebody elses' story. Find yourself first and figure out what makes sense in your story and deal with the consequences of it. Doing things just because I or anybody else on the forum did it (transition) medically doesn't mean you should until you know yourself and how far the gender rabbit hole goes.