SRS Fear

[NYCTSGirl01]

I really want to have SRS but, I'm so afraid. I just don't know how to resolve my fears. I don't want to end up feeling mutilated with something that does not function sexually.

[Devlyn]

That's what happens to people who try to operate on themselves, hon. Go to a good surgeon and you'll be fine. Hugs, Devlyn

[NYCTSGirl01]

Huh, who said anything about self operation?

That's what happens to people who try to operate on themselves, hon. Go to a good surgeon and you'll be fine. Hugs, Devlyn

[Shantel]

I really want to have SRS but, I'm so afraid. I just don't know how to resolve my fears. I don't want to end up feeling mutilated with something that does not function sexually.

That could be a valid concern. During my pre-srs consultation with Marcie Bowers one of the questions I had was is there any guarantee that there will be any sexual interest and will there be sufficient sensation following surgery? Her response was that a genetic female is infinitely more sensate than a genetic male to begin with as there are a huge bundle of nerve endings in the clitoris. During SRS the head of the penis is saved and refashioned to create a female clitoris and it involves extensive microsurgery in hopes of reconnecting the existing nerves and that the severed ends will reconnect and grow together which takes time. There is no guarantee as to how sensitive it will be when it's all said and done. Unlike a lot of trans women I have no desire to be paired with a male at any time ever although I am a sexual being and considering the forgoing I decided to opt out of SRS. There are a lot of women here that have come to enjoy considerable SRS success, so what it all boils down to is that you have to take an inventory of the pro's and cons and consider what is most important to you personally. Most MtF women are driven to get rid of all vestiges of any masculine features as the effect of intense GID. Each has to do whatever it takes to become physically congruent with the woman within, there is no one size fits all solution.

[Devlyn]

Going through a reputable surgeon won't result in mutilation, hon. Hugs, Devlyn

[Adabelle]

I had my surgery with Dr. Suporn just over 6 weeks ago. Even though things are still swollen down there I can definitely say it looks nothing like 'mutilation' at all. Actually I'm quite happy with the appearance and it gets better every day. The doctor doesn't want us to experiment sexually for a couple months so it will be some time before I know what my sexual capacity is, however I can say that already it seems I do have some sensation there that seems pleasant and normal.

For me personally I had a lot of anxiety about surgery, but it wasn't focused on the loss of sexuality - but more about other complications. I think it's perfectly normal to have anxiety about a surgery like this; after all none of us want anything to go wrong. However, if you talk to others who have had surgery, and if you choose the best surgeon you can it can greatly help you to be more comfortable. In my case I am very happy so far (and I don't even know about sex yet). For me it was worth the risk of not being able to have another orgasm to have the right parts there to be honest. If for you sexual feeling is more important than having the correct anatomy you may feel it's not worth the small risk of being hyposensitive.

However, as Devlyn said the experienced surgeons of the world do a very good job these days, and the possibility of serious complications are minimal. In my case I believe I will be happy with my end result, because I am already happy with my result and I'm still quite early in recovery.

Good luck. Don't beat yourself up too much because it's normal to have some anxiety, and it's normal to think about whether it's right for you. You're doing the right thing in reaching out and talking to others about it. But try and talk to people in person who have had the surgery too.

[Shantel]

Welcome home Adabelle, glad it went well for you! 

[JennX]

It's a scary proposition to be sure. Any major surgery is in my book. Find a good surgeon, do your homework and talk to as many of that surgeon's postop patients as possible. Good luck.

[Vicky]

I recently had my surgery with Dr. Bowers, and I look and feel fine. All parts have the look of a 65 year old woman's anatomy as far as the rest of the world is concerned, but who looks at a woman my age anyway?  (Damn it!!!   ) 

My gynecologist sees a small scar line in one place a GG would not ususally have one, and the vaginal tissue is not as moist as it would be in a GG, even at my age.

Even though I could have started P/V intercourse two months ago, I am missing a guy whom I find attractive enough to be a sex partner.  Nerves do take some time to get into their best formation, and while my clitoris has sensitivity that is pleasant, it is not the center of feeling that my penis glans was, but other tissue near there would be VERY happy to have attention from a sex partner. 

I had a yeast infection develop during my second week of dilation that was unpleasant, but more related to use of an antibiotic jelly than to the surgery per se.  Once the yeast went west (north or south) I had some stretching pain while dilating that went away by the second week of using my largest dilator.  For being as old as I am, and diabetic to boot, I have had a smooth sail into recovery.

The major problem that most people I have met have with their surgery is an unreasonable expectation.  I was a few pounds more than ideal, and yes the extra poundage shows in my finished product.  It would have been unreasonable to expect the same result as a 26 year old, dead on weight target person.  The result is that my labia majora are a little bigger than ideal, but they fit with my body.  I was lucky that Marci used a single surgery procedure, and I have labia minora made of the tissue from the urethrea in my penis, I can clearly see both sets of labia, and neither is grotesque when taken with my body as a whole.  When my primary dressing came off, I was red and swollen, and I had bruising around my waist that was rather spectacular, but was gone in less than a week.  I do not look text book perfect, but that is anywhere on my body!!

Devlyn is right, I did not do surgery on myself and I like what I got.

[Shantel]

I recently had my surgery with Dr. Bowers, and I look and feel fine. All parts have the look of a 65 year old woman's anatomy as far as the rest of the world is concerned, but who looks at a woman my age anyway?  (Damn it!!!   ) 

You will be surprised I'm sure, probably not the boy of your dreams, but at our age we're liable to run into someone who has long sense learned a few lessons and has gotten the BS out of their system and would just like to settle down with a nice woman. It's always comforting to have a nice warm body next to you at night. Hang in there and just be you, it will happen hon.

The major problem that most people I have met have with their surgery is an unreasonable expectation.  I was a few pounds more than ideal, and yes the extra poundage shows in my finished product.  It would have been unreasonable to expect the same result as a 26 year old, dead on weight target person.  The result is that my labia majora are a little bigger than ideal, but they fit with my body.  I was lucky that Marci used a single surgery procedure, and I have labia minora made of the tissue from the urethrea in my penis, I can clearly see both sets of labia, and neither is grotesque when taken with my body as a whole. 
Devlyn is right, I did not do surgery on myself and I like what I got.

Marcie does a wonderful one step job. I've had a few of Marcie's patients who are girlfriends of mine who just couldn't wait to show me their new girly gear once it was sufficiently healed and my comment was OMG, I've looked at more than my share of cis women up close and personal and what Marcie has done is as good as they get, she is indeed an artist! I'm glad that you are happy Vicky, good for you lady!

[NYCTSGirl01]

I'm dying to see a neo-vagina up close.

[Beth Andrea]

I'm dying to see a neo-vagina up close.

Become a gyno, LOL. I think what you want to see is the external genitalia; I've seen a couple, and they look exactly like cis-female. Also, many gyno's can't tell the difference even after examining.

I'm thinking you may be having an issue with the de-construction of the penis, and then the re-forming of that tissue into feminine genitals, which causes one to think "mutiliated".

It isn't. It's just changed its appearance. Mutilation is when something is destroyed, beyond any useful function. By changing the penis into something useful--a vagina--it is not mutilated, it is just changed.

[Jenna Marie]

I agree with everyone else that any of the top surgeons produce results that (barring very rare complications) are not "mutilation."  Many times even a gyno can't tell after a few years, especially since some cis women have to be stitched up after damage in childbirth.

(And I was orgasmic by week 3, to my shock; it happened in my sleep, which came as a major surprise. I hear a lot of stories like that now... I'm even self-lubricating, which is a bit more luck of the draw.)

[Beth Andrea]

And I was orgasmic by week 3, to my shock; it happened in my sleep, which came as a major surprise.

Ah, t'is what dreams are made of...

[FrancisAnn]

I had my surgery with Dr. Suporn just over 6 weeks ago. Even though things are still swollen down there I can definitely say it looks nothing like 'mutilation' at all. Actually I'm quite happy with the appearance and it gets better every day. The doctor doesn't want us to experiment sexually for a couple months so it will be some time before I know what my sexual capacity is, however I can say that already it seems I do have some sensation there that seems pleasant and normal.

For me personally I had a lot of anxiety about surgery, but it wasn't focused on the loss of sexuality - but more about other complications. I think it's perfectly normal to have anxiety about a surgery like this; after all none of us want anything to go wrong. However, if you talk to others who have had surgery, and if you choose the best surgeon you can it can greatly help you to be more comfortable. In my case I am very happy so far (and I don't even know about sex yet). For me it was worth the risk of not being able to have another orgasm to have the right parts there to be honest. If for you sexual feeling is more important than having the correct anatomy you may feel it's not worth the small risk of being hyposensitive.

However, as Devlyn said the experienced surgeons of the world do a very good job these days, and the possibility of serious complications are minimal. In my case I believe I will be happy with my end result, because I am already happy with my result and I'm still quite early in recovery.

Good luck. Don't beat yourself up too much because it's normal to have some anxiety, and it's normal to think about whether it's right for you. You're doing the right thing in reaching out and talking to others about it. But try and talk to people in person who have had the surgery too.

Adabelle,

Thank you so much for sharing your SRS experience. It is so nice to read & see a nice story from a very nice person. My best to you on continuing to heal & enjoying a new very pleasant life. Your posted picture is so pretty, you have a very lovely face young woman. Obviously I have quite a bit of time to go by however I so hope that I can also one day post a very pleasant story for myself. Thanks.

[NYCTSGirl01]

I agree with everyone else that any of the top surgeons produce results that (barring very rare complications) are not "mutilation."  Many times even a gyno can't tell after a few years, especially since some cis women have to be stitched up after damage in childbirth.

(And I was orgasmic by week 3, to my shock; it happened in my sleep, which came as a major surprise. I hear a lot of stories like that now... I'm even self-lubricating, which is a bit more luck of the draw.)

Congrats! Who was your surgeon?

[Jenna Marie]

Brassard, but like I said, I think all the top surgeons are more than good enough for a natural-looking, functional result.

Plus everyone says that if things work (as it were) before the surgery, there's a very very high chance that everything'll be functional afterward too; it can take a while for the nerves to reconnect and the brain to rewire where stuff is, and I admit I had to relearn how to enjoy myself while awake, but that was hardly a chore. I totally understand being scared - I was downright terrified as my date got close - but the overwhelming majority of the time it really does turn out all right.

(I'm not trying to talk you into anything; being non-op is a valid choice too. I'm only saying this because it sounded like you wanted reassurance.)

[suzifrommd]

I'm going to disagree with some of the posts here. SRS *is* very scary, even when it's done with a competent surgeon. The following are facts, not boogeymen:

* Some surgeries DO result in complications. Many need revisions. There are fistulas, necroses, infections and a whole host of other scary possibilities.

* There ARE women who end up without sensation or sexual function.

To say that these possibilities don't exist and everything will be fine as long as the surgeon is decent is closing your eyes to some very real possibilities. Even the best surgeons can't give ironclad guarantees.

I'm struggling with this myself. It's premature, since I'm not even fulltime yet, but I find myself weighing in my mind many times daily whether it's worth the risk (and the expense, and the grueling aftercare) to make my body the shape it ought to be.

I know there are so many women who are thrilled with their surgeries, and I want to become one of them in the worst way. But if I pretend the possibility of an unsatisfactory outcome doesn't exist, I'm not making an informed choice.

I'm actually surprised at the way some of the posts in this thread are dismissive of OP's concerns.

[Beth Andrea]

I'm going to disagree with some of the posts here. SRS *is* very scary, even when it's done with a competent surgeon. The following are facts, not boogeymen:

* Some surgeries DO result in complications. Many need revisions. There are fistulas, necroses, infections and a whole host of other scary possibilities.

* There ARE women who end up without sensation or sexual function.

To say that these possibilities don't exist and everything will be fine as long as the surgeon is decent is closing your eyes to some very real possibilities. Even the best surgeons can't give ironclad guarantees.

I'm struggling with this myself. It's premature, since I'm not even fulltime yet, but I find myself weighing in my mind many times daily whether it's worth the risk (and the expense, and the grueling aftercare) to make my body the shape it ought to be.

I know there are so many women who are thrilled with their surgeries, and I want to become one of them in the worst way. But if I pretend the possibility of an unsatisfactory outcome doesn't exist, I'm not making an informed choice.

I'm actually surprised at the way some of the posts in this thread are dismissive of OP's concerns.

True, and these are some of the many reasons so many of us stay non-op. (Money being another BIG factor)

I think it was the OP's use of the word "mutilation" which set the tone of the thread...that's a word more commonly used by people who don't want to accept our existence as people, so they use certain words/phrases, like the "m" word, "it", "thing" etc.

I apologize if I seemed dismissive or if I assumed a hostile intent.

*hugs*

[Nicolette]

suzifrommd, I agree. This is serious, life changing surgery. And it's the reason why it's the last one for me.