Lesbian relationship with cis girl?

[janellebell]

Hi everyone !

First off I want to ask a general question .
Are any if you (I'm sure there's plenty) in a romantic relationship with a cis gender girl ? If so how long and what's it like in all aspects ?

I'm 21 pre-op on HRT and I'm entering a potential relationship with a bi cisgender girl who knows of my situation and is completely supportive and happy being with me.

Our only wonders are how the dynamics work especially sexually ?

I have little dysphoria about my original equipment but as days go by it feels more bad more awkward ? I can't explain it . I'm not opposed to using it but I can't say I'm for it either if that makes sense. I'm on the fence about SRS for a variety of reasons and the main isn't sexual but of course we all know its part of it.

So what I'm getting to is (without being too personal ) is how is your sex life with your cis partner ? Do you still have a libido at all ? And for those post op is sex more enjoyable for both parties ?

Finally , any pitfalls or general tips you can share would be great ! We're both very new to this and I want us to be able to thrive just as any other relationship but I do know there are some unique challenges to a trans lesbian relationship as opposed to heterosexual . Hopefully I'm making sense

PS. We're both super femme so there's always the "who's the guy who's dominate etc question " while I know this is so cis sexual sounding it definitely does throw me off sometimes . Sometimes she's super pursing and sometimes I am (but it feels like I'm being more like my old self ).

Edited to remove dosage information

[Reagan]

Hey Janellebell!
That is so great that you have somebody that loves and supports you. You are very lucky...

I have been married to a cis gender girl for almost 15 years. I started transition about two years ago and have recently had an oechie. For me I have not had any issues if you know what I mean. That being said we are both not extremely sexual and I can tell a big change in my libido. For me I too do not have a big issue with the equipment I was born with and I think for most of us that are like this we generally are able to still function. It seems to me that the majority of people that I know that have a great deal of anxiety about their genitals are usually the ones that have more issue's with functionality.{ I just want to it make clear that this is only my observation and in no way meaning that everyone is this way.}

As far as our relationship it has been challenging at times and for the most part we are able to keep a balance of things. We are both very fem and over time one of us has become more dominate. Our relationship went through many changes and we have always been open with one another about our feelings. My wife has become more dominate (but not butch) in our relationship. That being said there are times when she need to feel like a woman. For the most part she is a great partner and I  love her very much. Don't get so caught up on dominance and masculine or top or bottom that kind of thing. It all works out in the end.

For us it's fighting over clothes and who's wearing what. She is a little smaller than me and I have found that when she does laundry that something of mine that she likes may end up in the dryer on high. That way it won't fit me any more so she takes it. lol   So watch you back!  lol Good luck and I hope it works out for you both.

~Reagan

[Theo]

Hm.

Actually there are quite a few relationships where couples prefer not to use the "standard" approach to sexuality, e.g. where certain parts of the body, be they original or not, are simply left out of the action. In lesbian circles you may want to check the term "stone" (typically as stone butch) for an example. Unsurprisingly a lot of relationships involving trans people share similar choices. There is no need for you to use your existing equipment if you don't want to, there are a myriad of ways to have sex without it. Similarly, if you feel like using it and your GF is also fine with it, then go ahead and use it. There's a nice slogan on the Autostraddle website: "You do You". Basically there's no reason to follow anything that anyone else does, or what society thinks should be happening, just do what both of you enjoy.

As for the roles, take the above as applying there too: you do not have to follow any gender binary "rules" for your feelings. Ellen actually threw a brilliant statement out there, that pretty much embodies the fact that you can essentially choose any role configuration you want, switch them about, or even choose to have none if you so prefer: "Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork."

[Jamie D]

Janellebell, if you are on some form of estrogen and an anti-androgen, you in time may not have to worry about having sex as a "male."  Loss of sustainable erections is a known side-effect of HRT.

[janellebell]

Hey Janellebell!
That is so great that you have somebody that loves and supports you. You are very lucky...

I have been married to a cis gender girl for almost 15 years. I started transition about two years ago and have recently had an oechie. For me I have not had any issues if you know what I mean. That being said we are both not extremely sexual and I can tell a big change in my libido. For me I too do not have a big issue with the equipment I was born with and I think for most of us that are like this we generally are able to still function. It seems to me that the majority of people that I know that have a great deal of anxiety about their genitals are usually the ones that have more issue's with functionality.{ I just want to it make clear that this is only my observation and in no way meaning that everyone is this way.}

As far as our relationship it has been challenging at times and for the most part we are able to keep a balance of things. We are both very fem and over time one of us has become more dominate. Our relationship went through many changes and we have always been open with one another about our feelings. My wife has become more dominate (but not butch) in our relationship. That being said there are times when she need to feel like a woman. For the most part she is a great partner and I  love her very much. Don't get so caught up on dominance and masculine or top or bottom that kind of thing. It all works out in the end.

For us it's fighting over clothes and who's wearing what. She is a little smaller than me and I have found that when she does laundry that something of mine that she likes may end up in the dryer on high. That way it won't fit me any more so she takes it. lol   So watch you back!  lol Good luck and I hope it works out for you both.

~Reagan

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Hi Reagan!
Thanks so much hun! I really appreciate your in-depth answer and examples.
I agree in my observations as well its those who have anxiety about their genitals who lose its functionality.

I guess I'm just more concerned/wondering if I could still achieve orgasm, as I know it would frustrate her if she couldn't equally pleasure me. I guess what I'm getting at is I don't want it to feel like "work" as I once felt as a male playing the wrong part in a "completely" heterosexual relationship with a previous girl. I had this extreme dysphoria that was more like jealousy than anything at its core, but I would just let my natural male mode take over and pretend I feel no jealousy or dysphoria if that makes any sense.

As for the whole dominance part, I totally understand and that is a good way to think of it!

Fighting over clothes won't be a big issue yet, though we are both the same size in everything lol. I don't live with her but it would be nice someday! Thank you for your kind words <3

[janellebell]

Hm.

Actually there are quite a few relationships where couples prefer not to use the "standard" approach to sexuality, e.g. where certain parts of the body, be they original or not, are simply left out of the action. In lesbian circles you may want to check the term "stone" (typically as stone butch) for an example. Unsurprisingly a lot of relationships involving trans people share similar choices. There is no need for you to use your existing equipment if you don't want to, there are a myriad of ways to have sex without it. Similarly, if you feel like using it and your GF is also fine with it, then go ahead and use it. There's a nice slogan on the Autostraddle website: "You do You". Basically there's no reason to follow anything that anyone else does, or what society thinks should be happening, just do what both of you enjoy.

As for the roles, take the above as applying there too: you do not have to follow any gender binary "rules" for your feelings. Ellen actually threw a brilliant statement out there, that pretty much embodies the fact that you can essentially choose any role configuration you want, switch them about, or even choose to have none if you so prefer: "Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork."

Totally agree! I love autostraddle's slogan of You do You! I agree we don't need to follow any set "rules", but I'm sure there will be times when it does come up into question. Ellen is hilariously awesome and I couldn't agree more.

Have you/are you been in this type of relationship before ?

[janellebell]

Janellebell, if you are on some form of estrogen and an anti-androgen, you in time may not have to worry about having sex as a "male."  Loss of sustainable erections is a known side-effect of HRT.

Yes I am and I know what you mean PS How do I get a photo, my gender, all that jazz on my forum profile. I cannot edit anything at all? I also don't get emails of replys

[Jamie D]

At 15 posts you will be able to use the personal messaging utility, change your Forum Profile to include an avatar, and new aspects of the site (such as access to non-public boards) will open to you.

[kelly_aus]

Up until very recently I was in a relationship with a cis girl. Alison only ever knew me as a woman - she was aware I was trans.

Sexually? It worked for us.. Sometimes we did it the 'old fashioned' way, sometimes we didn't. We both always had a good time.

I should add that Alison claimed to be a straight woman.. Until we got together.

[Banshee]

I'm happily married to a bi cis woman. Factory equipment causes me great dysphoria, so we've had to be creative. All I can say is to have fun and find ways to make each other happy.

I also would recommend a couple of books, one called "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" and the other "The Good Vibrations Guide to Getting It On". Both tasteful and full of good ideas and information.

[janellebell]

Up until very recently I was in a relationship with a cis girl. Alison only ever knew me as a woman - she was aware I was trans.

Sexually? It worked for us.. Sometimes we did it the 'old fashioned' way, sometimes we didn't. We both always had a good time.

I should add that Alison claimed to be a straight woman.. Until we got together.

Very interesting story Kelly! Thanks for the share I hope it works out for us too. She only has known me as a woman too

I'm happily married to a bi cis woman. Factory equipment causes me great dysphoria, so we've had to be creative. All I can say is to have fun and find ways to make each other happy.

I also would recommend a couple of books, one called "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" and the other "The Good Vibrations Guide to Getting It On". Both tasteful and full of good ideas and information.

I'm so glad to know you are happily married to one ! Thank you for those book recommendations. I saw the Lesbian Sex Book has info on MTF and Cis relationships super cool. Thank you

[kelly_aus]

Very interesting story Kelly! Thanks for the share I hope it works out for us too. She only has known me as a woman too

Sadly, there is no hope for us, she died 5 weeks ago.

[janellebell]

Sadly, there is no hope for us, she died 5 weeks ago.

OMG! I am so sorry to hear that Kelly My thoughts go out to you. I hope you're doing okay

[Randi]

I'm an MTF who has been married to a cis-woman for over 30 years.

I've been hypogonadic (low or no testosterone) for about 10 years.  First I became less male and then more female.  My wife adapted very well.  I didn't have to tell her I was transsexual, she told me. (My mother took DES while pregnant with me, and I just developed differently in utero).

Eventually I developed "ED" and my wife worried that she was not desirable anymore, or that I was becoming gay.  After we talked things out, we discovered neither of us really enjoyed PIV (penis in vagina) sex.  I was doing it to satisfy her, and she was doing it to satisfy me.  At this point I think we could both be happy never doing it that way ever again.  Occasionally, after much foreplay and stimulation we do PIV just for old time's sake.

When I was male, sex would last 5 to 10 minutes, I'd cum and then satisfy her with manual or oral stimulation.  She was usually able to have 5 or 6 orgasms if she was well rested.

These days I get horny, but it can take a long time for me to become fully aroused. Instead of 7 minutes, it takes around 40 minutes.  I've grown some 42 B breasts in the past few years, and they are quite sexually sensitive. After years of marriage, particularly since I have a female brain, I know her body well and know how to pleasure her quite well. After she has several orgasm's she returns the favor.  She seems to delight in my breasts and when she sucks of them and massages them I am in ecstacy.  She will often suck my my limp but quite sensitive penis.  I think I get more pleasure from breast stimulation.  Sometimes this does become "work" for her and I give her permission to stop before I have an orgasm.

I have two different types of orgasms.  With and without ejaculation.  If I don't ejaculate I find there is a very short refractory period and I can cum again and again.  Also I don't feel an absolute need to cum.  If I don't cum, I stay horny, but it's a pleasant thing and I don't necessarily need to seek relief.

I am quite fortunate that my wife has a fluid sexuality and doesn't require a traditional male to satisfy her sexually.  She has accepted that I am transsexual and that it's not my fault.  She doesn't mind not having a "real man" in her bed.

There is no doubt that "things change" as a man becomes a woman, but if there is a caring, loving relationship both partners can adapt if they want to.

Randi

 



 

I guess I'm just more concerned/wondering if I could still achieve orgasm, as I know it would frustrate her if she couldn't equally pleasure me. I guess what I'm getting at is I don't want it to feel like "work" as I once felt as a male playing the wrong part in a "completely" heterosexual relationship with a previous girl.