Hi everyone,
I really wasn't sure where to post this, but I figured it was directed predominately toward MtF TS/TG individuals, so I'd post here and a moderator would move it somewhere better if necessary.
I was particularly irked by an opinion article at The Transadvocate called Stealth Doesn't Help The Trans Community. I would normally post the link to the article in question, but I don't want unintentionally violate the TOS links rule. Google it instead if you want to see the source. It is merely one of a many divisive articles that marginalize members of the transgender community.
Essentially, I've become more aware about some transphobia within the LGBT community and it really bothers me. And now I've accidentally come across a pretty frustrating debate of stealth vs. out. I was bound to, since the topic interests me, as I have been and will continue to be stealth in some situations, while I will slowly come out to more people I trust. I'm a long way off from marching or advocacy. I can't handle being full-time, and I'd be risking backlash that would spill over to my family and a few close friends as well. And so I spent a great deal of time thinking of a cogent counter argument that I posted as a comment there, but thought I might put here as well in case it might spawn a constructive discussion.
'Stealth' is being thrown around without any context, and I'm either misinterpreting the intent of the aspersion, or it is simply too vague.
At any point in the transition, a transgender person may opt to be stealth in public and out to those they are closest to and trust the most. Even then, transpeople can be let down by their closest friends and family members who they wanted to have support them. Asking someone to be mentally prepared and ready for rejection from close ties is hard, but expecting them to deal with the public rejection filled with strangers and acquaintances is silly. That being said, every TS/TG person should have a support group to help them cope with the garbage they are going to have to endure for simply being themselves. Logically, this support group would have to be privy to the knowledge that they are TS/TG to be beneficial. Whether it consists of close friends, or fellow transpeople doesn't really matter because it serves to benefit the members of the group.
Many detractors I have come across have cited transitioning in stealth as either cowardice or lack of commitment. There are many exigent circumstances that prevent some people from feeling comfortable immediately dressing in their chosen gender's clothing. Safety is an easy fallback argument, but a stealth transperson could be gainfully employed or supported by bigoted family members / employers. Eventually during transition, if the person still wants to remain stealth they have to go to a great deal of effort to do so even if they are able to pass when they begin RLE.
Post-transition in stealth can have many benefits if the transperson manages to pass as cisgendered. Being outed as trans might cause problems for people they care about, and in some cases their family, friends, and loved ones could suffer because of indirect transphobia. A transperson wanting to start a family with someone by adoption, surrogacy, frozen embryo/sperm in vitro fertilization, might not want to also risk virulent gender politics spilling over into their family discourse. At least allow their children to become mature enough to fend for themselves before demanding their parents to sacrifice themselves on the altar of politics and advocacy.
I don't think it's selfish to not want to deal with social agendas, political awareness, and combat transphobia. Isn't it also unfair to demand that a transperson forever dwell on the circumstances of their birth once they are passing and integrated into society? When would they be allowed to put down the torch and try to find some normalcy?
Admittedly, I'm also throwing stones in glass houses. As I am posting behind the veil of anonymity, my decanted arguments may not reach your Ivory Tower. I use a sobriquet for privacy, and I have been transitioning in stealth for many reasons that have nothing to do with selfishness. My circumstances preclude me from living as I would prefer, but life isn't nor has it ever been fair.
In my opinion it is selfish to censure transpeople who are actively working to improve the LGBT community who are not 'out.' They are already working to help trans-issues and will probably be more effective working together with any transphobics among the LGBT community if they remain stealth. Whether or not there are stealth transpeople in GLAAD or the HRC, they should live their lives as they see fit.
I can understand the exasperation that you feel toward our community's relative quiescence. I've read several annual statistical reports and their analysis about our community / distribution and discrimination / violence toward us. I can't decide if these reports make me more terrified, angry or sad. Castigation isn't helpful for our cause or self-esteem as a community. Brow beating is one of the least effective methods of altering opinions and moving hearts and minds. Even dog trainers tend to use pattern recognition and positive reinforcement since it is more effective compared to negative reinforcement techniques. And humans tend to be slightly more complicated and harder to please or convince than the domesticated dog.
When you essentially insult every stealth transperson, you encourage a reflexively oppositional and defiant attitude toward your point. Conversely, by instilling confidence and self-acceptance, you can urge transpeople to express themselves in positive ways in the community and to embrace the qualities that make us unique. Mentors and role models are needed, but a cooperative group ethic is necessary as a firm sediment in order to build a successful movement for any progress for transrights to take hold. Becoming divisive holds us back, no matter how good your intent.
I believe in advocating human rights and protecting our right to be who we are. If there were any transpeople that were in the position to help advance transrights and human rights, of course I hope they would. However they have to judge for themselves what they are willing to risk their anonymity for, and how much public scrutiny they are willing to face. I hope that while even the LGBT community can be fractal and have discrimination, that we can stick together. We should stop judging people because they don't live up to unwarranted expectations since we are all in this together; living separate lives with different situations and contexts.
How about we have one less group discriminating against us, and express some Transolidarity
Thanks for reading this far, I just wanted to share 🙂
