calico - yes, that was really weird in these support groups. I was actually there the first time pre-anything and "officially" as a good friend of someone who went there in half-outed pre transition situation. I was so freaking scared of the whole thing and at the first visit being "one of them" freaked me out even more so that I struggled a bit longer but also I knew obviously that I am not alone so that was the best thing about these groups eventually - to see there are real people with the same issues and most of them have even worse issues. Did you have that issue also because of age or were you already a bit older (which probably causes even more of that effect). I hated that. And every time I was called out for not passing in public I felt like I had no one to tell, because the ones in the group did not take it serious. Of course I know yes that for me is was probably something that did happen now and then, especially when speaking (which still is an issue to a degree, sadly) and for some of them it was more a thing that happened all the time with some exceptions where it did not, so I did not want to bother them with my issues as I felt that theirs were greater, but still I lacked the support then for these own issues. I know it was a bit of an elitist though, but I felt at times I would like to have a sub-group for people who are "ahead" of those in the main group in terms of the passing and transition issue (I said it was an elitist though to put this in such a concept of progression, but hey I was young back then and did not know it was). Oh and then there was that group that was talking about not actually being transsexual but claimed that they were in some way intersexed just that their genetics were still male - one of them claimed to have rudimentary ovaries even. I think that was mostly nonsense, though of course I know there are many forms of intersex issues and I would not want to exclude that transpeople may even be part of this (especially the classical "female brain in male body" feeling). And of course that thought was in some way intriquing - that having many non-male features (like no hair in some parts) at a young but still clearly post-pubery age was an indicator of something physical going on in terms of gender. But I suspect that it is just statistics and I was simply lucky not to need an adams apple shave or hair removal at the arms and chest.
Gnaa - this was off topic, sorry.
Izzy gave some more on topic tipps, thank you a lot. I think this sounds like a very crowded schedule that I will not keep up with, but it is a hint on how it might work out. If I may ask - and while this sounds private, I also think that it is not as it is a general medical instruction from surgeons - how does a dilation work. You insert the dilator and keep it in place? Or you move it? If so, should it be moved in one direction only or also a bit wobbly? I am sorry for this noob-ish question but as I said, my surgeon basically gave me nothing expect he asked if I have a friend that I can have a lot of sex with, which would be ok - and as I said no, he suggested doing a lot of masturbation with standard vibrators - whatever was fun. So that was a bit funny actually and in a way uplifting - no talk about pain and rigid schedules, but rather "have as much fun with your new private parts and they will be ok". I guess he was right until I stopped having so much fun in general and in sexual stuff in particular and then the reverse became true - eg.g. not having much fun with the sex thing lead to a declining condition of the parts involved. I dont blame my surgeon for this issue at all (I just blame him for the actual crap he and his assistents did).
So, taking out my calculator, I tried to compare these
sizes.to metric and from the circumference now I get that the vibrators I have at hand are close to a #1, a #3 and a #6 (yes I know its not on the list, but it is 5.5" circumference). I have some problems with the #1 if I did not use it in 2 weeks at the moment, no chance anymore to get the #3 working and looking at the #6 I dont know how the hell I ever managed that. Soo - I guess my present "strategy" would be to stick with the #1 and try to make it a daily routine and try to somehow get a #2 and use it as soon as it is possible with increasing fraction of the time until I can start right away with the #2 and then take a good look at the #3 and dare to use it. The #6 will go into the back of the drawer, I feel intimidated by it
- I dont think I can muster 4x20 minutes a day presently, which would be the start of the regular regime. If 1x20 a day is not enough I may consider it, but lets not get too crazy after being on something like 1x20 every month or two which was as it was the last few years...
Now another question - what is the advantage of these dilators compared to vibrators - will they work better or cause less pain? Should I replace my present old #1 size vibrator with a non vibrating dilator and get a #2 and #3 of the same kind or is it not much difference and I could get a #2 size thingy at a store? As I understand it, they may be softer and thus more comfortable, is that right? I definitely would prefer something that is more comfortable and causes less pain if it has to be one or more than one times daily.
Also I found that "Soul Source" makes two kinds of them - one seems to be available in more sizes and lengths and are generally made for "vaginitis", the other are the 4 kinds mentioned here specifically for GRS. Which one would you recommend for me - I read above that I should look out for these vaginitis ones - why would these be better for me than the GRS ones ?
Thanks for all your good advice here. Nice to be able to talk about such issues openly.
