Losing my trans friends...

[Alyx.]

Transgender friendships seem to be like fireworks, they explode and then quickly fade away...

Everytime I meet a trans person we get along great. We share horror stories and I give him or her my support. But soon they don't need my support, and because I don't really need theirs anymore either, we have nothing to talk about and they drift away. And I hate it.

I miss them a whole bunch but... they don't need to talk about trans stuff anymore, and then we have nothing in common to talk about. It's really depressing... :\

What do I do? Do I stop talking to trans people to save me the pain of losing them?


Oh and BTW long time no chat. This is Alexa, AKA Heartwood. It was my 2 year tranniversary 2 days ago. HUZZAH!

[Taka]

the thing with friends is a bit like... some last and others don't. common interests can do a lot to keep people together, but the longest lasting friendships are based on a match in personalities.

i met lots of people in uni, had a good time with them and all. but only two of them are people i still like to know that i can call any time and still have something to talk about, even if we haven't met for years. i'd greet the others with a smile, but they all belong to a particular sphere that isn't really part of my everyday life.

at a forums, i've met lots of really nice people that i like a lot. i still only get closer to a very few of them.

one sign of a good friendship, that could last forever, is that you're able to enjoy each other's company in silence, just as well as you never really run out of topics to talk about. don't stop talking to people, you'll eventually find those precious few.


oh, and congrats on your tranniversary!

[Edge]

I've had that problem a couple times. Most of my conversations with one of my former friends were about her abusive husband. Once she left him, she barely talked to me. I was not pleased about that. I even had to find out she left him from her husband.
The thing is, it is great to support and get support from your friends, but the friendship has to be based on more than that to last. At least, that's what I think. I'm not exactly good at keeping friends either.

[Lesley_Roberta]

All of my friends are friends because of something shared other than just transgender.

Granted, I wouldn't be here if not.

But, it needs to be something more than just transgender.

It's the same with everything else.

I have people I chat with on a forum for models. But once I have commented on my latest kits, seen their recent comments and basically said hello, there isn't anything left. So as a result, my visits there are often 15 seconds, nothing new said, move on to something else to do.

My long term friends, we have a long life of shared experiences, it makes the difference.

[Aina]

Try reaching out to them, go see a movie, hang out and just avoid any transgender related topics. Instead of being two Transgender people, just be people. Talk about guys, or girls or both. Talk about things you like to do, your day.

[Natkat]

it's a typical thing for friends in general not only with transgenders.

its hard to keep friendship. specially if you use to have something in common, like going to the same school or having the same interest and out of sudden you dont really have that thing anymore.

I have experience it with alot of people, in general it hard to keep your friends not only for the same topic but also if your dont have your "usual place to hang out, and you need to find something ells. or other life changing stuff..
--
friends who is really worth keeping would still be worth keeping beside the transthing. you must know something ells beside, and have other interest. Do you like to watch movies? ask them out to watch a movie? or is theres a festival in town. go join.
somethimes you have to say "okay it was good as long it lasted" because you drifted away from each other, othertimes you can still keep the friendship even without the interest. I still have one of my transfriend. we dont really share the same interest anymore but we still hang out just doing things together. enjoying peoples company dosent always require to be very social like wathing a movie for exemple.

[luna nyan]

Alyx, think of it as divergent paths - the ones that drift away after the need for support are more like a very close peer support group.

I made a few friendships over trans stuff over the years, but only one has carried through over 11 years.  We had enough commonality in interests/personality to click.

We certainly talked a lot about it at the time, she transitioned, had grs, and is happily married, whilst I chose the other road so to speak.  Still in contact via Facebook and chat when times align.  It's interesting keeping in touch as on occasion we compare life notes on dealing with the deck life has dealt us.  (Our conclusion is life is complicated regardless of which way you go)

Don't think of making trans friends, think more of making friends who just happen to be trans and you may find a quality friend here.