A comment from Cindy about Former MtF

[Cindy]

It is unusual for a Mod to post this but I owe it to you.


I have closed their account so they can read but not post.

I and all the GM have dealt with this person for years, sadly they have not found a way to deal with their problems.

I know many of you have tried to help but there comes a point of a person needing to get the help they need.

I don't feel good about this BTW. I feel like a total fail.

If anyone has problems PM me

Cindy

[Jessica Merriman]

I support you on this Cindy and thanks again for helping me out. We all tried to be there for her so no one is a failure, OK?

[Heather]

It's not your fault Cindy this person clearly has deep issues that are far worse than just gender. And you can only help those who want to be helped.

[Devlyn]

I think the rule of thumb when replying ought to be "Should I be posting this on a support site?"

This applies to every post. No matter how right you are, or think you are, being right never gives anyone the right to be rude. If your posts are simply adding to a hostile environment here, they probably don't belong.

Jeneva taught me that, and I love her for it. Hugs, Devlyn

[bethany]

Cindy you did what you thought was the best for Susan's. Now I am only speaking for myself here. I trust your judgement on such matters. I can understand how you feel bad about doing something like this, but for the health of the community here you did what had to be done.

[MaryXYX]

A support line where I'm a volunteer responder had a very similar situation last week.  We had to tell a user that we would no longer respond.  We were not able to provide any help that this user would accept, and the situation was causing a large amount of distress to members of our team.

My understanding is that you would only take this action in extreme circumstances.  None of us will withdraw support willingly, but sometimes it has to be done to protect the community.

[aleon515]

We also had someone in our community lately who detranstioned (this person FTM). I feel like their problems were more than gender dysphoria like Heather suggested. I saw the person's issues which seemed significant, but I know some younger people who looked up to this person as someone who had it together. I think a lot of times the community needs support afterwards.
But some people actually, well as I understand it is part of their process, but that doesn't mean they help the community when they are involved in this.

I don't recall reading this person's posts, as I don't read everything over here. But I don't recall the mods taking extreme steps or doing stuff without a lot of consideration. You have done a lot of good for many people here, even without realizing it, myself included. So hang in there Cindy.


--Jay

[Ltl89]

I think the rule of thumb when replying ought to be "Should I be posting this on a support site?"

This applies to every post. No matter how right you are, or think you are, being right never gives anyone the right to be rude. If your posts are simply adding to a hostile environment here, they probably don't belong.

Jeneva taught me that, and I love her for it. Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you for this note Devlyn.  Thinking back to my past interactions with formermtf, I have some regrets.  I don't mind discussing social issues with people and taking a strong stance (though I hate when I let emotions dictate over reasons which has happened in the past).  However, I think I misinterpreted the situation that was occurring with formermtf.   She wasn't really looking for a debate or to troll the site; it appears that she was seriously concerned about her views and believed it would really impact her.  I wish my interactions were more compassionate and less debate oriented because she needed compassion and help rather than debates.  For that, I'm sorry. 

Formermtf, I'm sorry you are struggling, and I hope you find the happiness you seek.  You can get better if you believe in yourself.  Please remember that.  Good luck with everything.

[Lexi Belle]

I didn't really see much of what she posted, but what I did see was very unmanageable in my head.  I either couldn't comprehend what she was talking about, or it just simply scared me.

In the end, I've known you to be a good and thoughtful person since I first joined this site many months ago, I'm sure your decision was with good intentions and consideration.

I think the rule of thumb when replying ought to be "Should I be posting this on a support site?"

This applies to every post. No matter how right you are, or think you are, being right never gives anyone the right to be rude. If your posts are simply adding to a hostile environment here, they probably don't belong.

Jeneva taught me that, and I love her for it. Hugs, Devlyn

Honestly, I feel like I need to work on this a little myself.  I think I tend to be a little too open minded when I'm giving advice/ctiricisms.  I should probably start considering what I should say and what I shouldn't go in to details on.  Some things I have said could possibly have been taken to a negative effect.