Sorry I was a bit rushed with that post, something came up while writing it. I have a wonderful therapist who've I been seeing for over a year so far. I'm almost at the point of detransitioning, which I've been talking about since late September with her and I need to ask people who has been through transition especially those who did when they were still in school. I figured I'd come here to ask, especially since I'm too nervous to talk about it in group.
For a little more background I had several bad breakdowns back in August, I just became so defeated and dejected when it came to transition. I started to feel terrified at the thought of it. So six weeks ago I just decided to go back to presenting and living as male. I've been doing this out of fear because of my anxiety. Everyday feels very stressful and I feel like I'm forcing these smiles. I've been trying to break myself but it seems so tricky. I was able to finally hall from depression at least.
Right now I'm continuing HRT despite all of this and been trying to work on my anxiety. It would be self defeating for me to go back and deny myself, my problems all over again and suffer through testosterone once more. Also I want to be able to get over my anxiety and be able to live as myself.
I'm just stuck in this rut and I'm reaching out to you guys because you've been so excellent. I also need to gain the confidence to talk about these issues to those who I trust.
