Stealth probs?

[TrojanMan]

I'm stealth, pre-T and I pass 99.999% of the time, but one of my biggest anxiety issues is someone finding out and not knowing what their reaction would be. If you're stealth, or someone just didnt know you were trans, and they found out what was their reaction? How did you deal with it or explain, and how did it alter your relationship if any? What would you do if someone found out?

[brit91]

I am a cis female however i am dating a FTM.. he is 3-months on T now and passes 100%..but when he was Pre-T and we would go out in public or if he would use the female bathroom since he was still pre-t if he didn't pass then people would assume that he was a overly butch lesbian so he could play it off..We never had anyone actually say anything or approach us on it. Usually people aren't ballsy enough to approach someone and be like "are you a guy or girl" because that would just be rude and awkward.

[maximusloverus]

I had actually met a friends new boyfriend after coming out and starting my transition and he actually asked me. I explained to him what trans was and what treatments I was going to. He took it incrediably well, but he's also a laid back type of person. I do find when you explain to them not only the physical part of transition but the mental and emotional part too. Things go a lot easier for them to understand. You just have to be ready for the normal questions like "So how do they make your junk?"

[aleon515]

I am older and still pass 80-90% and have been on T for 9 months. It's typical for younger guys to pass earlier as they pass as younger. It's a pain for them but better than being ma'amed and so on. I'm out, so I can't speak to that. But if I am misgendered, I just say "I'm a guy" or whatever. It's not a huge deal in most cases. People apologize and take me at my word (initially i got stares if I corrected someone). I go into the men's room and no one ever gives me a second glance (of course, not sure that I'd know as I don't give anyone ELSE a second glance LOL). I think the biggest problems are jobs actually, but again I'm not stealth, so I'm sure someone who is will jump in here. (Even though I am around mostly people who knew me before they take me for male, esp men.)

Shnoogy is right re the questions. I heard of someone who was very drunk and finally had to pee so bad he went into a stall with no door and someone said "where's your dick?" I lost it in the Gulf war might have been a good response!

Brit, I am dating a trans woman. We are misgendered when we go out together. She is 5'10" and I am 5'1".

--Jay

[mangoslayer]

I live stealth and while it hasnt happened recently, there have been incidents of past friends thinking its a good idea to out me.
(trigger warning?) most of the time when it happens their response usually is "so? i met him as a guy, he's a guy." There have been a couple not so pleasant responses. One being "i guess thats why i get along so well with you since i don't really get along with guys. I never really saw you as a guy before". After that i tried to kill myself and my friend learned the lesson not to out me.

[Jared]

I am a cis female however i am dating a FTM.. he is 3-months on T now and passes 100%..but when he was Pre-T and we would go out in public or if he would use the female bathroom since he was still pre-t if he didn't pass then people would assume that he was a overly butch lesbian so he could play it off..We never had anyone actually say anything or approach us on it. Usually people aren't ballsy enough to approach someone and be like "are you a guy or girl" because that would just be rude and awkward.

I wish people weren't ballsy enough to ask it. When I was pre-T I was asked this a few times but only when I was alone, when I was with someone, nobody asked anything.

[conformer]

My experiences so far:
Most people don't believe me initially if they don't know too much about trans people. Then they don't care and it doesn't bother them.