I noticed what whenever I sell something of mine, that I get "seller's" remorse. I'm not sure if it's actual remorse, or just natural sadness of not having that product in your possesion no longer. I've been selling for about 2 or 3 years and sometimes I wonder if it was really worth selling certain items because I do miss them periodically. There's even one barter deal I did that I regret sometimes. It was 3 binoculars for Call of Duty: Black Ops at the time when it was near full price. I rarely used the binoculars, but I pumped SO many hours into Black Ops and multiplayer.....at least 100 plus hours so perhaps it was a nice deal? It's really all relative I suppose. One other deal I sold a little plug-in traffic light for $10. I kind of miss it, but at the same time, I never used it. I believe in that particular deal, it was for the kids at a church so I thought that was nice. I even threw in a Veggie Tales game I had at no extra cost. A plug in, traffic light won't be too hard to find. If I really wanted one again then I could find one on Ebay. I think I will be alright for a while so maybe it's just the natural sadness. Nevertheless, I have learned to be more careful with what sell. I decided to pull my shark tooth necklace and a Star of David/cross necklace my sisters gave me from online and keep them. The shark tooth necklace is pretty cool, and even though it's short, I can wear it to the beach after I get my top surgery and at least pretend like I'm a surfer. As for the other necklace, I'll just hold on to it since my sister brought it from Israel. I'm sure I can find an occasion to wear it on eventually. Today I sold some toy dinosaurs and I kind of miss them. Again, I think it's just the natural sadness of not having something in your possession that you usually have. Since I'm a hoarder, that can get pretty intense. Some of those dinosaurs were pretty cool, but I think it's even cooler to have $5 and let a child use them for a project like I did in second grade. On top of that, I think it would be cooler to know those dinosaurs contributed to my top surgery fund. In a way, I suppose the things I sold will always be with m in some type of way. When I look down at my flat chest, I will know that part of the reason my chest is flat will be because of those items. Since I intend on having a flat chest (even if they get a bit bigger from gaining weight, they shouldn't be the size they are now) for the remainder of my life, those items will "be" with me in the form of the money I got from them.
In all reality, the money in my top surgery find right now would only cover part of my (two-week) stay at New Beginnings Retreat, and not my actual top surgery so just about everything I wrote above is void. Then again, when I say top surgery, I include ALL costs and not just the cost of the surgery so then again, maybe it isn't void. I don't like to think ''okay I've saved enough for surgery YAY!'' and then have to figure out the costs for every other thing. When I say surgery, that means the liposuction, the therapy letter of reccomendation, the pre-doctor check-up for medical clearing, the price of airfare and it's luggage costs, taxis to and from the airport, the two week stay at New Beginnings Retreat if I can get in there, the scar cream, food, a cam recorder to film the revealing, clothes because I'm going to have to buy some button-down shirts and/or sweaters, misc. items that will help aid in my comfort while healing, a bit of emergency money, my medical clearance paper to work again, potential price increases, the top surgery itself, medicine and prescriptions, the complimentary gift to the surgeon (may wait on that to see if I will actually love my results first), another complimentary gift to my friend if she comes down to help me, $400 for the pathology fee, gym membership to help me get better results with bus fare, and whatever else may come along. I'm sure I'm missing quite a few things. After it's all said and done, I may have hit the 20 grand mark just on that. I'm just saying 20 grand because that seems about right in my warped mind. Hey if I hit that $20,000 mark and realize that I didn't need all of it, then that will be great as opposed to setting the bare minimum standard and then realizing that you need to raise more for whatever reason. That can be gut-wrenching for some people that are barely making it, and it would be for myself. Perhaps I should up my goal to 25 grand for top surgery just in case. Nah, lets just stick with 20 grand at first (which is almost enough for a metoidioplasty) and see what how much more I would need after reaching that goal. Hopefully not too much more if so. Really, I only need to raise $18,253.97 now.
I'm sure that I have caused some people to drop in their IQ points. Sorry. I over react but that's just who I am and in this particular situation, I like it.
In other news, I have totally destroyed my dieting this weekend. I'll get back in it on Monday.
