Quote from: Natalia on February 02, 2014, 09:12:59 AM
I am really sorry to hear we share this same sad history.
Perhaps this reactions is somewhat related to differences from generation to generation. My mother was born on the 60s, she grew up like a hippie, then she got into the punk subculture...and she was much more comprehensive. My grandfather was born on the 30s and my grandmother on the 40s...both are so closed and so hard and unwilling to accept things that they are not familiar with...
I knew since the beginning that their reaction would be terrible...and I wasn't going to tell them so soon...but my mother spoiled everything and broke my trust. She told everything.
Today we were going to have lunch...but then my grandfather avoided staying close to me at all costs and refused eating...immediatley I started crying and had to leave the table...my grandmother went after me and wanted me to go back and finish eating, but I couldn't...
I don't 
I am an only-child, as my mother. My family can be resumed on only me, my mother, grandmother and grandfather...my father died two years ago... Friends? I have none. I have colleagues from the college, but I can't count on them to talk about my problems. I think I just have you people from Susan's to talk to...for now...but who knows for how long will I have my computer and internet conection? They want to take it from me...
About being kicked out of my home, I don't believe they will do it, because they know I have nowhere to go. Also I think my mother wouldn't allow that...
I feel they want to "cut my wings", they want to take everything I have hoping that I will change my mind...but this will only make me worse.
I really hope going to the therapist can help...but I don't know. If they are unwilling to accept it there will be nothing that can change their minds...only time perhaps...
If you don't mind the question...have you finished transitioning? How could you deal with the changes from HRT living close to your family?
I am on HRT for about 4 months...I know transitioning will take time... Lucky me in my country I don't need to pay anything as the state provides the assistance and costs with SRS...but the waiting time for SRS is absurd and the results might not be the bests...
I plan to keep living in boy-mode until I reach the male fail phase...I don't know for how long I will be able to that...I will have to deal with boobs and with my body getting a feminine shape (I am already very different from how I was 4 months ago)...but I think I can hide it and keep living in male-mode until I can find a place to live or until my family accepts me. Is this something utopic? Could I sustain this lie?
I am not finished transitioning, though I have made some big progress in a short period. The way I look today is very different from how I looked prior to hrt. Hell, I even look severely different from 4 months on hrt. It's hard to say how things will be for anyone, so I can't say where you will be. In my case, I was a pretty slow adapter to the changes of the hormones. It was until my latest dose change in October that I started to feel like I was making any real noticeable progress. However, I know some people around our age group that had major responses within 6 months. Now then, I've been living in male mode/ andro mode since I started hrt (june 2013), but it is getting very hard and I feel it's becoming painfully obvious I'm trans. I'm getting closer to getting to where I want to be, but I'm still giving it a little time before I make the complete change for financial reasons and because there is still room for growth. In my case, it's hard to attempt hiding the changes if you are responding to the hormones and actively changing other aspects of your appearance. For the most part, I live a normal life and no one says anything; however, I do get stares and smiles and hear people making comments. It's something that I've learned to deal with. At my last job, everyone knew that I was trans. I simply couldn't hide it no matter how hard I tried. Though it wasn't a big deal because they accepted me (god how I hope I will be able to go back there soon). People that know me have definitely commented on my changes. It's all part of the transition and unfortunately people will notice. For the most part people are way too polite to totally confront you on it. They may question you a little or make a comment that says "I know", but they usually wait for it to come from you, in my experience. So if you want to totally be in hiding prior to going full time, then be warned that it is going to be very hard. Transition is very much a process and people will likely pick up on things. So it's a bit utopic to hide it comptely until you are ready as you will continously be changing (not just hormonally, but hair style, hair removal, brow shaping, etc).
How has my family dealt? Not well. Almost every improvement or noticeable difference in my appearance has led to a fight or has visibily hurts/saddens my mother. When I started wearing a bra, when I got my eyebrows done, when I started laser, when my boobs were growing, when I started straightening my hair, when I started buying makeup and feminine products, etc. Of course, the hormonal responses are over a period of time, so there were simply fights without a rhyme or reason too other than a perceived difference. but each occasion was a reminder to my mother of the "death of her son". Plus, I come from an Italian family where emotions are expressed. There is no holding back in my house. It makes it difficult, but we move on the next day and try to improve. It's not easy to cope and it's been hell for all of us, but we are growing as a family and people. We'll make it through because we love each other despite the fact that we are a tad dysfunctional.
Now I can't say how it will be for your family. Everyone's life is different. But what I do want to address that the changes will be noticeable to our loved ones no matter what way the react. They will see. Maybe they won't catch everything or their reactions may be subtle and quiet, but they will notice the stark differences between the new you and the pre-transition you. It's likely to draw some emotional reaction one way or the other. They may handle things really well or maybe they won't. In any case, it will be emotional for everyone involved. It's part of the transition. When you live in the same house, those wounds are more open to exposure. That's not to say that it can't be done. Maybe your grandparents are just reacting badly at the moment and will learn to accept? Just remember that our families transition with us. Some do it better than others and some refuse to do it at all. I'm really hoping you get one of those families that accept everything in time. Just realize that it's likely a tough call to keep all the changes under wraps without having it detected or impact them in some way. If you are trying to hide it in order to stay in the house, then realize it's a bit like being on thin ice. It could happen, but it's really hard. Breast growth is especially hard to totally hide, at least it was in my case.
Good luck. I really want to see you pull through and I'll be following your transition.
Quote from: Megumi on February 02, 2014, 04:37:47 PM
Your mom saying that you not having a wife or kids or job is a crutch and that's what is stopping her from accepting it is 100% pure BS. That is my mom's crutch, that I am still a virgin and have never been with a woman. I've been on dates but it never amounted to even a kiss between us. Out of everything that has come and gone in the explanation department this is the one constant thing. "You never had sex with a woman so how can you really know how you feel? You were born male so you should be attracted to women". I can't for the life of me get her to understand the separation of gender vs sexuality, what it really boils down to is that this was the one thing I could never force myself to do to prove my masculinity to my family. I did everything under the sun that a man's man would do in attempt to lie to myself that I wasn't a woman but a man. It didn't work and it nearly killed me in the end.
Yeah, my mom also notes my virginity as a sign that I can't be certain of my sexuality or gender. "How can you know you like men and don't like girls if you never slept with either one"? Or "maybe you can learn to like girls if you just try hard"? "Maybe that will make these feelings go away"? As though we can't figure this out our orientation without sex and that sex is the magical gender cure, lol
