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The wee small hours - my demons

Started by Cindy, January 21, 2014, 11:30:45 AM

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Cindy

January 21, 2014, 11:30:45 AM
I'm not going to post this just a way of talking

They are with me - again. The hell when I try to sleep

They hurt me so much, can I ever recover. Can I ever love

It still hurts. I'm good. I'm strong, come on girl you can do it. Face it, take it. I'm strong.
I close my eyes and I feel their breath, I feel their lust and their need, I cry a meaningless mewl.

They hurt me.
I'm stronger than this, I'm OK come on honey.

OK good, good girl

I'm Cindy - I'm raw, I hurt, I'm strong, I'm weak

I'm me

I shouldn't post this
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Sarah Louise

#1
January 21, 2014, 11:31:44 AM
:)
Nameless here for evermore!;  Merely this, and nothing more;
Tis the wind and nothing more!;  Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore!!"
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suzifrommd

#2
January 21, 2014, 12:32:21 PM
Lots of hugs to you. We're all here if you need us.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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Adam (birkin)

#3
January 21, 2014, 12:40:12 PM
You are strong, Cindy, even when you don't feel like you are. There are very few people I've met who carry themselves with as much poise, dignity, and pride as you do.
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big kim

#4
January 21, 2014, 01:13:18 PM
Hugs sis,PM me if you need to
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Shantel

#5
January 21, 2014, 01:18:37 PM
Love you Cindy, feel free to email me any time your private stuff is safe with me dear!
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FalseHybridPrincess

#6
January 21, 2014, 02:36:47 PM
Thats really deep and inspiring
http://falsehybridprincess.tumblr.com/
Follow me and I ll do your dishes.

Also lets be friends on fb :D
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Jamie D

#7
January 21, 2014, 03:04:21 PM
Quote from: Cindy on January 21, 2014, 11:30:45 AM
I'm not going to post this just a way of talking

They are with me - again. The hell when I try to sleep

They hurt me so much, can I ever recover. Can I ever love

It still hurts. I'm good. I'm strong, come on girl you can do it. Face it, take it. I'm strong.
I close my eyes and I feel their breath, I feel their lust and their need, I cry a meaningless mewl.

They hurt me.
I'm stronger than this, I'm OK come on honey.

OK good, good girl

I'm Cindy - I'm raw, I hurt, I'm strong, I'm weak

I'm me

I shouldn't post this

Nope.  You should post it.  Support is a two-way street.  You can't give, give, give, and never receive.
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Jerri

#8
January 21, 2014, 03:18:20 PM
well now sister,
as much we turn to you for help pushing our own demons back surely you should never shy from us, sorry to hear they have choosen to visit once again. I know for me one day i can only hope to be half as strong and confident as you, PLEASE never feel that you stand alone. we all have to many to fight alone
stand tall and stand proud sister we are right beside you
Jerri
one day, one step, with grace it will be forward today
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Jessica Merriman

#9
January 21, 2014, 03:20:12 PM
Quote from: Cindy on January 21, 2014, 11:30:45 AM
I shouldn't post this

How else is your family supposed to know you need a hug?  :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_hug:

Sometimes you are just too strong for your own good! When I tell new members we are here with a shoulder to cry on, I mean you too!

I love you Cindy my sister! :)
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carrie359

#10
January 21, 2014, 03:49:48 PM
Cindy hope you feel better.. appreciate you... :)
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Nero

#11
January 21, 2014, 04:35:58 PM
Love you hon.
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
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Asche

#12
January 21, 2014, 04:51:59 PM
Don't know if this helps, but sometimes when my own demons come to stay and just won't go away (like the "man who wasn't there"), I think of Frodo at the end of Return of the King, who continues to feel pain and despair on the anniversaries of his worst wounds.  Our accomplishments don't go away in the dark of the night, but our wounds don't either.

It doesn't make the pain go away (for me), but it does make me feel less alone.  (Wow! Even made-up people can help!)

(If this just makes it worse, PM me and I'll remove it.)
"...  I think I'm great just the way I am, and so are you." -- Jazz Jennings



CPTSD
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calico

#13
January 21, 2014, 05:22:30 PM
Quote from: Jamie D link =topic=158155.msg1341970#msg1341970 date=1390338261
Nope.  You should post it.  Support is a two-way street.  You can't give, give, give, and never receive.

I agree, I am here as well, if you need to talk I have my Skype up, or you can email me  :icon_frown:
"To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."― Irving Wallace  "Before you can be anything, you have to be yourself. That's the hardest thing to find." -  E.L. Konigsburg
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Rachel

#14
January 21, 2014, 07:17:30 PM
Cindy, hugs.

I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry you relive the events. I am sorry it happened.

You are a wonderful woman, full of love and caring for others.

You are important to us and we care about you.

HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas in 2020 FEMLAR
  • skype:Rachel?call
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Cindy

#15
January 22, 2014, 12:32:58 AM
Thank you everyone.

That was one of the worst for quite awhile. In case you didn't notice :laugh:

I'm fine now, happy, facing life and enjoying it.

Hugs to you all

You help me so much

Thank You

Cindy
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Miss_Bungle1991

#16
January 22, 2014, 12:37:24 AM
Quote from: Cindy on January 22, 2014, 12:32:58 AM
I'm fine now, happy, facing life and enjoying it.

That's good to hear! :)
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Adam (birkin)

#17
January 22, 2014, 01:28:46 AM
Quote from: Cindy on January 22, 2014, 12:32:58 AM
I'm fine now, happy, facing life and enjoying it.

I'm glad, Cindy. Of course you are allowed to be down and we are always here to try to help prop you up, but you deserve to be happy. You deserve to enjoy every possible moment!
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Cindy

#18
January 22, 2014, 01:55:47 AM
You people are just incredible!

I am so glad to be transgender so that I had the opportunity to know all of you.

Thank you
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LordKAT

#19
January 22, 2014, 01:56:56 AM
Quote from: Cindy on January 22, 2014, 01:55:47 AM
You people are just incredible!

I am so glad to be transgender so that I had the opportunity to know all of you.

Thank you

I knew I had a use, just never thought of that one.
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