Ugly

[Joanna Dark]

So, I've been informed that I'm ugly. A guy online said it. Some crazy lady yelled it at me on the street. My ex-boyfriend said im busted. So i dont see the point in transition. I just dont anymore. What to be alone. I think it's over its been a year, or well, since sept. 25 but i was on a low dose before then since March 2, 2013. I posted a lot of pics, so just tell me the truth. I don't want oh you're so pretty cause it's not true. Or I'm jealous. Or this or that. A lot of you are attracted to women so you could really help me. I'm not going to kill myself or something stupid if someone tells me the truth: i'm hideous. It's fine. I'm just going to detransition. Don't mince words. This is very serious and I need answers. Please help me.

[Nero]

Joanna, you are not ugly. Did you have a lot of acne in your youth?

[stephaniec]

you look normal to me except your blue.

[MiMo]

You only think you're ugly because you had morons define ugly for you. They are not right.

You are beautiful.  Keep that at heart  where  idiots can't get in.

[vlmitchell]

I agree with Yas. Your facial structure is fine. You've got very pretty bones in that there face. The lighting isn't good in any of those pics and yeah, your skin is *way* oily/shiny. Perhaps you just need a better skin care routine? Seeing a dermatologist and maybe getting dermabrasion (it's okay from time to time) will reduce the effects of the acne scarring.

I will say you look actively andro (or kinda dyke-y/soccer mom don't give a ->-bleeped-<-) in your appearance and that might freak some people out because, like <sarcasm> oh my god, isn't it totally your job to look as absolutely gorgeous in the way all the magazines tell you to look as you can at all times?!? I mean, you're a woman right?! THAT'S YOUR JOB!!!</sarcasm>

P.S. - For the thread, you might want to do a little face maintenance, put on translucent powder, and take a shot in the mirror with a completely neutral face (or bitchy resting face as my clique calls it), and one with your face like it would be as if you were talking to someone on the street. Let us see a little more of you than just the face, too. If we're gonna need to be upfront with you about all the things, we'll need all the facts, ma'am. Your photos seem either very pensive or you're making a lot of silly (duck) faces.

[Jill F]

You saw something in the mirror you didn't like after someone said something to intentionally hurt you? 

There's your proof that you're female.   Guys generally don't have that reaction.

[mrs izzy]

Most of the time those comments are a childish way to hurt your feelings. My X would say the same thing to me when she was pissed.

Be the women you are everyday honest to yourself and the .ell with what others think. I am who i am, just as everyone else is who they are. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder means that different people will find different things beautiful and that the differences of opinion don't matter greatly.

Hugs
Isabell

[Oriah]

there's more to life than being pretty.

In my opinion, you're not a knockout by any means but you do have a nice smile.  At any rate, you're passable.

[Nero]

I agree with Yas. Your facial structure is fine. You've got very pretty bones in that there face. The lighting isn't good in any of those pics and yeah, your skin is *way* oily/shiny. Perhaps you just need a better skin care routine? Seeing a dermatologist and maybe getting dermabrasion (it's okay from time to time) will reduce the effects of the acne scarring.

I will say you look actively andro (or kinda dyke-y/soccer mom don't give a ->-bleeped-<-) in your appearance and that might freak some people out because, like <sarcasm> oh my god, isn't it totally your job to look as absolutely gorgeous in the way all the magazines tell you to look as you can at all times?!? I mean, you're a woman right?! THAT'S YOUR JOB!!!</sarcasm>

P.S. - For the thread, you might want to do a little face maintenance, put on translucent powder, and take a shot in the mirror with a completely neutral face (or bitchy resting face as my clique calls it), and one with your face like it would be as if you were talking to someone on the street. Let us see a little more of you than just the face, too. If we're gonna need to be upfront with you about all the things, we'll need all the facts, ma'am. Your photos seem either very pensive or you're making a lot of silly (duck) faces.

^ This. Victoria said it much better than I did. In trying to look at your photos and find something 'wrong', the only thing I notice is it looks like you have some scarring (and if their definition of 'ugly' is having a little acne scarring, they're ridiculously petty and nasty). But as has been mentioned, the lighting is not flattering and may emphasize any 'flaws'. You do have a nice bone structure and very pretty features. You look like any other woman out there. There is nothing 'ugly' about you.

[Adam (birkin)]

There is nothing wrong with you, Joanna. Keep in mind that people will often just say things that they think will hurt most because for whatever reason, they want a reaction - and in the case of a woman, one of the most hurtful things you could tell her is that she is ugly.

I had a friend one time who said the only way I could get any uglier was if I got fat. And, well, 10 years later, I did get fat! Lol. But I have enough people who don't find me ugly, and in fact, think I am handsome.

Or like when I am walking and now and again someone will yell "->-bleeped-<-got!" It's not because they look at me and think "that man walks gaily, that indicates to me that he must be a homosexual and I dislike him for that." It's usually just immature people who think it makes them look tough or BA to yell at some short young-looking guy out of their car window.

[Nero]

There is nothing wrong with you, Joanna. Keep in mind that people will often just say things that they think will hurt most because for whatever reason, they want a reaction - and in the case of a woman, one of the most hurtful things you could tell her is that she is ugly.

I had a friend one time who said the only way I could get any uglier was if I got fat. And, well, 10 years later, I did get fat! Lol. But I have enough people who don't find me ugly, and in fact, think I am handsome.

Or like when I am walking and now and again someone will yell "->-bleeped-<-got!" It's not because they look at me and think "that man walks gaily, that indicates to me that he must be a homosexual and I dislike him for that." It's usually just immature people who think it makes them look tough or BA to yell at some short young-looking guy out of their car window.

Exactly. Ugly and fat are among the worst things to call a woman. Sort of like ->-bleeped-<- or pussy to a guy. They can't call you fat, Joanna, so ugly is the best they can come up with.

And this:

there's more to life than being pretty.

Don't fall into the trap of obsessing over your looks. You are so much more than a body to be looked at.

[suzifrommd]

The beauty is there. Believe in it. Nurture it.

Treat yourself the way the way you would treat a precious child. Would you call a precious child ugly? Would you suffer to let a precious child listen to someone else tell her that she's ugly?

You owe yourself no less.

Don't listen to the voice inside you that calls you ugly. Don't listen to anyone else who calls you ugly. They obviously have no taste. Treat yourself with kindness in your self-talk.

You deserve it. You're a special, valuable, beautiful woman.

[Androgynous_Machine]

So, I've been informed that I'm ugly. A guy online said it. Some crazy lady yelled it at me on the street. My ->-bleeped-<-got ->-bleeped-<-ing ex-boyfriend said im busted. So i dont see the point in transition. I just dont anymore. What to be alone. I think it's over its been a year, or well, since sept. 25 but i was on a low dose before then since March 2, 2013. I posted a lot of pics, so just tell me the truth. I don't want oh you're so pretty cause it's not true. Or I'm jealous. Or this or that. A lot of you are attracted to women so you could really help me. I'm not going to kill myself or something stupid if someone tells me the truth: i'm hideous. It's fine. I'm just going to detransition. Don't mince words. This is very serious and I need answers. Please help me.

First let me say this: life is too short to put up with some bull->-bleeped-<- a guy on the internet said.  On the Internet, particularly the internet, it is waaay to easy to be an ->-bleeped-<-.  You can be the most vile creep on the Internet with very little to no repercussions.

Secondly, if you do de-transistion you are going to be in the same boat before your transition.   The effects of hormonal feminization are different for everyone and for some people it takes several years before it is fully complete.  I'm not the one to tell you what to do, you have to do the soul searching, but ask yourself why you transitioned in the first place, and then ask if you are really wanting to go back to that.

Lastly, society treats transwomen the some of the same ways as they treat ciswomen in regards to degrading us.   The easiest way to hurt a ciswoman is to tell her she is fat, ugly, manly-looking, etc.  This translates to transwomen as well.

I think you look okay, as some have suggested look into treatments for your acne-scarring.

-AM

[Stella Stanhope]

Hey Joanna!

That realy sucks that people have been vile. People have a multitude of reasons to say a person is ugly, ranging from jealousy, to non attractiveness related passive-aggressivity to their own personal preferences. Sometimes it just so happens that a number of people say the same insult at the same time, but perhaps for different reasons, many not related to actually having anything to do with your looks.

I agree with FA and Victoria, too. Your facial structure looks great, nicely defined and quite delicate, but not manly. Skin seems to be shiny and scarred in places, yes. And hair is short and not appearing to have been styled. I genuinely don't think your ugly at all. You appear to have quite a understated appearance, which some people might say is "plain". You definitely have an andro-style I agree with that too. Are you wearing any makeup btw?

I find that most women look "plain" without makeup, because society is so used to seeing impossibly made-up women.

[LittleEmily24]

Unless the definition of ugly has been changed in the dictionary... those people who called you ugly need corrective eye surgery. I'll admit the lighting in the pictures isn't ideal, and as Victoria said; there is a bit of scarring... but both lighting and scarring are quite fixable but you are SO not ugly...

People take advantage of what they know and find out exactly how to push your buttons, so they will if they feel motivated enough to do so ~ Like FA said; you want to get a rise out of a woman? Call her fat or ugly ~ out of a man? Call him a ->-bleeped-<- or a pussy... Most of the time these insults come out of jealousy or heat of the moment anger, and usually never carry any weight =P

[Danielle Emmalee]

I don't know what being ugly has to do with detransitioning.  Whether you're ugly or not is subjective if you're talking about surface attractiveness.  My question is why would you want to be ugly and detransition?

[big kim]

I got called ugly by some fat assed bitch the other day.I told her to go **** herself

[Joanna Dark]

Thanks eveyone, I feel much better. I shouldn't said that about my ex cause he did call me and the only reason he said it was because I kept bugging him, so he became really annoyed. He has his problems but he is actually really nice and I'm fine with just being friends since he has been a great friend. I wouldn't have made it this far in transition without him. He even said stop being so stupid when we walk down the street guys stare at you up and down all the time and don't let some random guy on the internet ruin your lifelong dream. That's ridiculous. He got back with his ex and he I always knew he loved her I was just hoping it wouldn't happen but I do want him to be happy even if it's not with me.

But yeah, the lighting is horrible. I took the pics with a broke a$$ Palm Pixi with a 2 MP camera that sucks. The scarring is from 2008 when I thought I could get rid of my dysphoria if I took steroids and I also thought my ex would get back with me if I could be more of a man since you only dated me cause i'm so femme acting and looking. But, anyhoo, the steroids did one thing: they made my dysphoria worse and I got horrible boils all over my face that literally oozed out puss. It was disgusting. I wouldnt go outside it was so bad. But it went away but left bad scars.

But I do feel so much better. I don't need to be pretty; I just want to be attractive enough to get a man or a masculine woman or an FTM. It doesn't matter as long as he or she is dominant since I'm submissive.

I just got a new job and the first thing I am going to do is get laser hair removal for my face. I don't have much, but it's enough that it stops me from dressing how I want. That's why I look so andro and plain. I stopped wearing makeup cause the shadow just shows through and I'm just sick of it. But soon, like in a month, that will be gone. Then I am going to get me face resurfaced to reduce or hopefully eliminate the scarring. After that, I'm going to get my nose straightened (it's been broke three times from being to femme which is a big no no for a guy). After that, I'll start styling my hair and wearing makeup again. Now, I just wear mascara and some eyeshadow and CC cream.

I mean I know Ill never be on the cover of Vogue but how many women are: .00001 percent. It was just all these things came together and I should prolly see a therapist. In fact, the Mazzoni Center ordered me to find one. Plus, I could use one, according to my ex, my doctor, and a host of other people. And yeah know, if I want surgery, I need to. I have just been to so many since I was 12 I'm sick of it. But what can ya do.

Again thanks again, I want to say thanks individyually, but everyone has been so helpful, I'll just give a virtual group hug xoxox Thanks so much.

The whole I have delicate features thing really made my day btw. I'm not asking for the world or to be Jamie Clayton or Charlie Somik Chan, Just me. And just a little pretty if not a little dykey. But that's just how I am, kinda dykish. Every girl I ever dated has been a lesbian. Straight girls would never date me. Well, once, but she dumped me when I couldn't perform since, ya know, I need a masculine woman or a man.

Okay, Thanks so much to everyone again. You've all really helped me. When I get paid, I'll donate just cause of this. wow, im stunned. xoxox

[innainka]

I think I do get you, and what you are asking for.....

So here it comes from the expert...................well, maybe not an expert but someone qualified.........................well........................OK someone who has no idea but wants to say something anyway!

You look very feminine, yet there are areas of your facial proportions which can be improved.

Now, as to calling someone ugly or beautiful, one needs to first know this person in depth, then and only then, can one bestow such shallow depiction of "what the observer seems to observe"

If you have a need to alter your facial proportions to those of a mainstream concept of esthetics, you should research the field of FFS (facial feminisation surgery)
I do have a deep knowledge of such, and in my eyes, you would need to have a Rhinoplasty (nose) and Mentoplasty (chin)

I believe that these would make you feel more mainstream, and perhaps would calm your insecurity.

Both of these can be performed fairly inexpensively and so you could start saving a bit at the time to put away enough for such correction.

Now, no surgery nor visual alteration can make someone beautiful, such comes from their heart and radiates outward for others to see. Please understand that majority of us humans here on this rock, are quite insecure and while shouting out about others, they really covering up their own insecurities!

All my love, Inna

[Jessica Merriman]

So, I've been informed that I'm ugly. A guy online said it. Some crazy lady yelled it at me on the street. My ex-boyfriend said im busted. So i dont see the point in transition. I just dont anymore. What to be alone. I think it's over its been a year, or well, since sept. 25 but i was on a low dose before then since March 2, 2013. I posted a lot of pics, so just tell me the truth. I don't want oh you're so pretty cause it's not true. Or I'm jealous. Or this or that. A lot of you are attracted to women so you could really help me. I'm not going to kill myself or something stupid if someone tells me the truth: i'm hideous. It's fine. I'm just going to detransition. Don't mince words. This is very serious and I need answers. Please help me.

1. A guy online with anonymity called you ugly. Uh, OK, probably says the same about his mom or sister.
2. A "crazy" lady. She's crazy dear, write it off.
3. An "ex" boyfriend. No big surprise there.

Baby look at the credibility level of these people. None, zip and nada! The family members here have given you some suggestions to help you out which are good, honest and caring. Funny, not one of them came close to calling you ugly at all. I think you look better than most cis girls. At least you are comfortable with who you are, very few cis girls even have that working for them. You are fine, so cowgirl up and be proud of who you are and take comments for what they are. Simply they are opinion of people who are negative to begin with. Please continue transition if you so desire. There is no reason to stop unless YOU want to.