I want to thank and honor both Nero and Amy for their very valuable contributions to this thread. I'm deeply sorry for having brought up traumatic memories, for having induced them to quarrel, and I ask forgiveness of both. If you have to get mad, don't get mad at each other, get mad at me, I guess I was stupid for even starting this. I've learned a lot from both of you and you've both equally deepened my understanding of this difficult issue.
Nero's analysis helped me to understand my own personal history better and where I fit in relation to this question. Namely, that I don't fit into the classification at all. I totally agree with everyone who's said if the awareness, information, resources and support were available to me as a teenager, I would have gone for it right then and there.
Amy has argued very convincingly for the uselessness and harm of the primary/secondary dichotomy, and in my mind this issue has finally been put to rest. As I noted above, it bothered me because of how it was used to divide us into an elite and an underclass. I certainly hope no professional caregivers or gatekeepers are still using it!
If I'd known it would bring on a bitter quarrel, I would never have started the thread. I raised the question in the first place because I was hoping to confirm that the primary/secondary dichotomy is fully obsolete and discarded. I'm seeking to put one of my own personal traumas to rest. My mother has been rejecting me ever since I came out. She pulled a Lloyd Bentsen on me by saying "I have worked with gays and transsexuals in my professional career, and you're not one of them." In her mind, "real transsexuals" must be limited to the stereotypical primaries or the Blanchardian category of HSTS and everyone else is phony or deluded. She has been trying to guilt me into giving it up. My wife used a similar criticism that I'm not like the extreme girly boys she saw growing up, therefore I can't be trans. Both of them have been drawing the boundaries of who's allowed to be trans as narrowly as possible in order to exclude me and persist in denial.
If it were anyone else's ignorance, I wouldn't care in the slightest. But my Mom is not just anybody, my relationship with her matters too much, and even though she tried to sever me from her emotionally, my primal linkage to mother was never broken. It just bothers me a lot that my Mom thinks there can be only one possible description of transsexualism, when the reality is so diverse. I'm examining this issue to put it to rest, because she wrongly classified me as secondary and then erroneously negated this supposed secondary as not really trans. I wrote for her a long list of facts to the contrary, going back to my preschool days, demonstrating how my lifelong cross-gender behavior spoke for itself loud and clear, even if my voice was silenced.
I think the difference between those who act out and declare their gender crossing in childhood vs. those who hide it is explained by a difference in personality traits (extroverted/introverted, assertive/intimidated) rather than by a supposed hierarchy of transsexual authenticity. My response to adversity was always withdrawal and hiding. Although I instinctively felt I belonged on the girls' side--and my behavior going back to preschool bears this out--although I've known all through my life that maleness was drastically wrong for me-- I was too afraid to challenge authority figures, sensing there was no support for me to be found anywhere, and that if I ever dared to speak out openly against my gender role, there would be hell to pay. So I got into the habit of hiding (even from myself), believing I had no options. I've had to go back into the worst pain of my past to rescue that scared little girl hiding deep in the dark closet.
Posted on: July 15, 2007, 10:18:31 PM
Coincidentally, I was just reading
Laura Seabrook's Hypergraphia on sexuality and gender, and she said it well:
"Being trans is just another example of a bipolar dichotomy. Two extremes are considered 'opposites' and everything else either ignored or explained as a variation. What this hides is that one of the extremes is always a 'privileged' position."She illustrated this with a sketch of a circle split into halves. The top half labeled "primary, privileged" and the bottom half "secondary, repressed." Around the circumference are the words "minimalised" and "excluded."
How apt... her critique (after Derrida) applies perfectly to this primary/secondary issue we've been discussing. The dichotomy that's been used to divide us has made one of the extremes into a privileged position. I wanted to examine this issue to bring out clearly what oppressive BS it is to divide us like that, the better to get free of it, to break its hold over us.