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Is my "male" presentation unconvincing? Be honest and share your true feelings.

Started by Ltl89, March 15, 2014, 12:50:17 PM

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Ltl89

Hey everyone,

Sorry to bother everyone with this, but it's something I'm really dying to know and a tad different than my last few threads.  Every single time I walk out of the house or interact with other people, I keep wondering whether they know or suspect something- yes, I know that I have a lot of anxiety.  To my eyes, I still look like a boy, but I don't really know what others see or think.  I keep feeling like everyone is on to me.  Therefore, I really want to know if I look like an unconvincing male or whether people are likely to suspect something.  This isn't so much of a "do I or can I pass" more than it is "do you think everyone knows something is going on"?  I just get the sense that everybody around me can tell or knows I'm trans even though I'm not ready for full time yet.  Please no judging that as I need to do things on my own terms and timeframe, but I do want to know if my looks raise alarm bells.  The pics below are of me getting ready to head out to work and a good representation of what my "male" mode appearance looks like.  I know it doesn't pass as female (I'm not trying or attempting to do so in anyway), but the point is does it pass as male without raising suspicions?  I'm still in a place where I need to live as a guy for a bit longer while I try to sort out my employment/family issues and continue to improve my appearance so it is more passable as female (which I don't feel it is close to it at the moment and still requires work).  I need to find long term work and which will require me passing as male beforehand and the anxiety of feeling like everyone knows I'm a transexual while I'm still not ready for full time is really disheartening.  So in a way, I don't mind passing as "male" at this stage as it allows me to live this way temporarily without feeling judged or detected prior to my coming out.  In any case, I'm the worst judge of myself, so I want to know what everyone else think.  Thanks everyone! :)

P.S.  Sorry for my insanity, but we all have our own individual struggles and you know how much anxiety I get. 

 


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stephaniec

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Adam (birkin)

I honestly do think you look female. I can only see the male if I look veeeery closely, and that's not even because you look male - I just have to stretch my imagination a little. If this wasn't a trans site I wouldn't even think anything of it. You have big, feminine eyes and lips, smooth skin, gentle expression. I do believe you could go full time as female.
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Hikari

I read your face as female, but that shouldn't really stop you from "passing" as male. So long as you aren't talking in a female voice, and move like a man does, I think you could pass as male if you want, especially if you are dealing with people who have always known you as male, as they will see what they want.

That however, doesn't mean that someone wouldn't think something is up. I am not full time yet, but hormones have softened my face (and made my breasts HURT!), and I wear my hair down, and people whisper behind my back at work that I must be secretly gay and whatnot. It turns out, trans isn't really the first place most people go when they see someone they knew as male with a more feminine appearance.
15 years on Susans, where has all the time gone?
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Ltl89

Thanks everyone that has contributed so far.

Quote from: Hikari on March 15, 2014, 01:01:37 PM
I read your face as female, but that shouldn't really stop you from "passing" as male. So long as you aren't talking in a female voice, and move like a man does, I think you could pass as male if you want, especially if you are dealing with people who have always known you as male, as they will see what they want.

That however, doesn't mean that someone wouldn't think something is up. I am not full time yet, but hormones have softened my face (and made my breasts HURT!), and I wear my hair down, and people whisper behind my back at work that I must be secretly gay and whatnot. It turns out, trans isn't really the first place most people go when they see someone they knew as male with a more feminine appearance.

Yeah, I sort of have what others might call a somewhat "gay" demeanor, so that doesn't help.  I just don't know how to act any differently and my persona is my persona.   
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Whynaut

I would read you as female on the street without a second thought.

Though I do agree you're probably fine passing as male in places that know you as male. Especially with the right movements and body language and voice. And I agree that most people don't automatically think trans -- they'll probably just question your sexuality.
"It's like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story."
- The Name of the Wind
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Carrie Liz

LtL, the further along in transition I've gone, the more and more I've realized that the prospect of being trans really just doesn't register on pretty much anyone's radar.

If you look and act effeminate as a guy, people will usually very quickly question your sexual orientation, but pretty much never your gender identity. I've NEVER had someone ask me if I was transgender or not.

Even at work when I was still presenting as "male" and yet was consistently blatantly getting gendered female by other people, even though I smiled when people used those female pronouns and never corrected them, people STILL didn't suspect anything. They were still surprised when I came out to them. And even weirder... now that most people are gendering me female, they're still surprised when I reveal to them that I have a male name.

So seriously. Most people just do not even register the concept of transness. If they read you as male, they'll just automatically assume that you're a cis-male, maybe one who's gay, but cis nonetheless. And likewise if they read you as female, they'll assume that you're a cis-female. The only way that people will ever think that you are trans is if they read you as male, and yet you're wearing blatantly-female clothing. (It doesn't happen the other way around. Those who are read as female and yet wearing male clothing are usually just quarantined into the "butch lesbian" category rather than seen as trans.)

In my personal opinion, from your pictures, you look feminine, but your presentation is more masculine, and thus you end up looking androgynous. (VERY pretty, though. You're cute whichever gender you get read as!) Which means that, to my eyes, you could probably pass as either male or female just as well depending on your voice and mannerisms. If you dress in male clothing and speak like a male, people are going to gender you male, and have no suspicions of transness. If you dressed in female clothing, people would probably gender you female.

And again, from personal experience... I was making NO effort to present as male at work. I was even wearing a women's watch, had my eyebrows plucked into a blatantly-feminine arch, with my boobs unbound and proudly on display, was speaking in my female voice, using feminine mannerisms, and even wearing women's pants, earrings, and a bracelet for crying out loud. But people STILL didn't suspect that I was trans. They just took me for either a woman, or an effeminate gay man. Seriously... people are WAY denser when it comes to gender identity than we give them credit for. Ask 90% of people what a transgender person is, and they'll say "uh... a man who wants to dress like a woman, right?" And I'm serious about that. So unless you are wearing blatantly-female clothing yet still being read as male, (which honestly you shouldn't have any trouble with, because your face is NOT blatantly male-shaped. You'd have to have a really deep voice or very blatantly-male mannerisms to get read as trans with how feminine you look,) people seriously are not going to suspect a thing.
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izzy

I am going to tell you the truth, you should just go for a female presentation and thats it. Stick with women buttom down shirts and work your way from there. That undershirt has to go. In another 2 months your going to look completely akward with mens clothes because your face would be too female.
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jussmoi4nao

WHoaah, thats what you look like :o? Niiice! I haven't seen you before. I see no male in those pics. Your eyes and brows especially are very very female.

I'm a really honest person so if your voice and all that is good I would not clock you. Your face alone is definitely female.

Omg do you do makeup btw? Cuz it would look really good on you!
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Ms Grace

Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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FalseHybridPrincess

Im sure you often get the "oh sorry I though you were a girl "
with this presentation XD
http://falsehybridprincess.tumblr.com/
Follow me and I ll do your dishes.

Also lets be friends on fb :D
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Shantel

I have to admit, that just judging from your face and hair alone if I met someone looking like that at the mall, Starbucks or on the street my mind would instantly say female, period! If I had your face I wouldn't waste my time trying to pass myself off as any kind of male, there is absolutely nothing masculine about you. I hope that you don't find my comments disturbing, I'm just being honest.
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Nero

You look like a girl. Hopefully you've got a pretty deep voice and masculine demeanor to offset that!
Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
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Jessica Merriman

I see no male at all LTL. Your eyes themselves give off a kind of female soulful look. If you would smile a little more no one could tell you were anything other than female. :)
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FrancisAnn

You look good, have some fun, get your do fluffed up nice. Maybe shape eyebrows some. Makeup is normal every day for most women.

You look great, enjoy.
mtF, mid 50's, always a girl since childhood, HRT (Spiro, E & Fin.) since 8-13. Hormone levels are t at 12 & estrogen at 186. Face lift & eye lid surgery in 2014. Abdominoplasty/tummy tuck & some facial surgery May, 2015. Life is good for me. Love long nails & handsome men! Hopeful for my GRS & a nice normal depth vagina maybe by late summer. 5' 8", 180 pounds, 14 dress size, size 9.5 shoes. I'm kind of an elegant woman & like everything pink, nice & neet. Love my nails & classic Revlon Red. Moving back to Florida, so excited but so much work moving
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Heather

I'm going to say based off that pic you could pass as a male now probably not a straight male granted but you can still pass as a feminine male or teenage boy. I hope my opinion doesn't upset you I'm just trying to be as honest as possible and to be honest the main things that stood out as male to me was the way you part your hair and your eyebrows. But other than that your borderline androgynous and you shouldn't have any major problems when you finally do start living as yourself full time. :)
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Jenna Marie

I think you look borderline... that if you aggressively try to pass for male, perhaps particularly with a male voice, you could probably get away with it. Especially around people who already have their mental image of you firmly set at "male." But you're getting close to the male fail moment (unfortunately if that's not what you want). You look like a very pretty, very feminine guy, even here.
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Nero

Nero was the Forum Admin here at Susan's Place for several years up to the time of his death.
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Hikari

15 years on Susans, where has all the time gone?
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