I haven't had time today to read the entire thread, but I have to respectfully disagree with the notion that transition isn't (usually) necessary.
My transition had, and has, nothing to do with gender roles. I never felt the desire to be male because I wanted to be "treated like a man." I did spend a number of years trying to be a stereotypical female because I didn't want to "encourage" my transgender feelings, but when I realized that I was probably only making myself feel worse, I actually went out of my way to do everything I wanted to do as a female. That, for me, was the litmus test - could I be entirely myself without changing sex? Obviously that would be preferable, less chance of discrimination, less financial burden, etc. I spent about 5 years doing everything I wanted as a female. I wanted to do something "masculine"? I did it and never once was sorry, even when I got dirty looks. I wanted to do something feminine? I did it, and felt no better when I got approval from others. And for the most part, people treated me with more respect because they saw me as someone who was in charge of themselves and wasn't about to take any crap.
But I still felt equally dysphoric, even though I was fulfilling the role I wanted to. Even though my life, even by my own estimation, was perfect. Because I know, on some visceral level, that I am not meant to have a female body. That's it. There's nothing secret or special to it, I just have never been comfortable with a female body. Beyond that, I've always known my body should be male. Hormones have done nothing but confirm that. The more male characteristics I develop, the less foreign and alien my body seems to me. I've also been consistently more balanced on hormones than I was before, when I really didn't even expect them to affect my disposition.
I wouldn't have been happy as a female, no matter how much I perfected my "role" in society. To me, it's almost akin to saying to a lesbian "yeah, you might prefer being with women, but couldn't you just get used to being with a guy? Why do all this gay stuff? Is being with a woman really necessary? I mean what really is the difference between being with a guy and a girl?" Yeah, for the lesbian, it is necessary, and it is different, because it's the difference between spending a life half-assing a relationship, never feeling true and complete love, and feeling slightly ill to your stomach when you look at the person you're supposed to spend your life with. For me, transition is necessary, and being a man IS different than being a woman. Because it is the difference between spending my days avoiding the unfamiliar face in the mirror, having parts that feel alien hanging off my body, and trying to balance my life and live a full life while dealing with the pain and discomfort I feel inside.
I've noticed a lot of this sort of stuff coming out - that dysphoric trans people are reinforcing the binary. I seem to remember that a lot of conservative, transphobic people have said that to me. "Why would you become a man, can't you just be a lesbian?" or "Can't you just be a masculine woman?" "Can't you just delay the transition, why does it matter, it's not necessary, it's cosmetic." "Why can't you just learn to accept having breasts and a vagina?" How are these kind of discussions any different? That it's somehow wrong to feel that your body is incorrect and to seek ways to feel better within it as the opposite sex.
