Anyone else experince this?

[PoeticHeart]

Ok, so I guess this post is more to see if other people experience these things.

For one, I've started my social transition and for the most part, support has been good. When people adjusted to my new pronouns, they felt a bit strange. Not unwanted or wrong, just like they weren't clicking? I liked that they were respecting my wishes, I just wasn't connecting with the words in a social context yet. However, over time, I've really began to feel these words when they are said so I guess it was just me getting used to it all.

Another thing though is that when I imagine how people see me, my mind sticks 'he/him' onto their perception. I get really annoyed each time this happens and I manually fix this. It's not so much that I see myself as 'he/him' but that I guess my mind is so hard wired to these words that it's just the default? I don't know, but this really bugs me and I'm working to fix it.

[KayCeeDee]

Starting out? Sure. It's all new. Over time you get settled into it and what was once new becomes normal.

[Edge]

Yeah that happened with me for awhile and still does happen occasionally. For one, I have been called "she" all my life. It makes sense that that's what I'd be used to being called. For another, I had and still have this fear that people continuously see me as female, so my mind sometimes still sticks "her/her" onto their perception.

[PoeticHeart]

Starting out? Sure. It's all new. Over time you get settled into it and what was once new becomes normal.

Yeah, that's what I've been chalking it up to. It was just irritating for a bit because I know I'm a girl, it's just that my doubts and fears fight me on this somedays.

Yeah that happened with me for awhile and still does happen occasionally. For one, I have been called "she" all my life. It makes sense that that's what I'd be used to being called. For another, I had and still have this fear that people continuously see me as female, so my mind sometimes still sticks "her/her" onto their perception.

As I mentioned a moment ago, these fears are what I believe to be tripping me up. I'm still stuck in being pretty new to being open about being trans and these ugly doubts try to trip me up on a daily basis.

[suzifrommd]

Another thing though is that when I imagine how people see me, my mind sticks 'he/him' onto their perception. I get really annoyed each time this happens and I manually fix this. It's not so much that I see myself as 'he/him' but that I guess my mind is so hard wired to these words that it's just the default? I don't know, but this really bugs me and I'm working to fix it.

I do this. I'm 11 months full time, and still pronoun myself as "he" most of the time. It doesn't sound right when anyone else does it, but, like you say, my mind is stuck on it.

And I still haven't gotten used to being called "Suzi". My old name sound wrong and jarring to my ears, but I still haven't grafted Suzi or Susan onto my self-image. It almost feels as though everyone's humoring me, even though I know it isn't true - I don't have any other name.

Don't get me wrong, I love my name. It is so beautiful, it gives me chills every time I see it. But some piece of my is not thoroughly convinced it's mine.

[PoeticHeart]

And I still haven't gotten used to being called "Suzi". My old name sound wrong and jarring to my ears, but I still haven't grafted Suzi or Susan onto my self-image. It almost feels as though everyone's humoring me, even though I know it isn't true - I don't have any other name.

Don't get me wrong, I love my name. It is so beautiful, it gives me chills every time I see it. But some piece of my is not thoroughly convinced it's mine.

Oh, you're right, that is a very beautiful name. I like it in case you didn't notice lol. Anyway, I'm also struggling to 'convince' myself I'm trans. I just came out to myself full on like five months ago and ever since then, I have to remind myself: 'you're a pretty girl, now believe it.'

[Rhi]

HI, Im 8 years into my transition and I completely understand what you are saying. It felt awkward initially to hear me being called a new pronoun. I personally chalked this up to being conditioned from very young to being called he/him. Society also places great stress on the masculine/feminine binary and deviations from that can be hard for anyone; including ourselves as we start out. I think the earlier in life one transitions the less this going to affect them. I was in my late twenties when I began to transition so there was some internal conflict with me. Now it does not phase me in the slightest and I find it very uncomfortable and strange to be referred to anything masculine.

If you are being true to your self and know in your heart you are doing the right thing then I believe in time this feeling will pass for you. You should monitor it however and if you find that it is not changing you may consider speaking with an ally or professional regarding it.

All the best

Rhi