Can you go home again?

[allisonsteph]

I have been given an offer and I don't know what to do. I am unemployed, broke, and homeless in California. I grew up in Upstate New York. I've had family offer me a bed and friends offer to buy a plane ticket back to New York. Everyone is aware of my transition, and has seen pictures of me, I have not ever been around any of them as as female.

I'm not sure what to do. Upstate NY isn't the most tolerant area in the world, but I would have a support network. California is more trans friendly, but I am alone, homeless, and living on the streets.

Should I go home?

[Evelyn K]

Allison this is a no brainer. YES! Sounds awesome to me. You need safety and refuge so you can heal, inside and out. Please do this for yourself.

[Hikari]

Allison this is a no brainer. YES! Sounds awesome to me. You need safety and refuge so you can heal, inside and out. Please do this for yourself.

This is more or less my thoughts on it too.

I understand the desire to be where you want to be, but a support network is so important to someone in transition, I know I wouldn't have been able to make it this far in without one.

[stephaniec]

take the hand

[Missy~rmdlm]

The attitude and tolerance of an area is what you make of it. My location here is western STL is -drumroll- Todd Akin country. It's actually just fine and I get along fine in public as well as at my job.

In other news, I'm applying for a job in none other than -drumroll- Michelle Bachman's political district, I sure can pick 'em, if I get that job I'm sure things will be just fine there too.

[Lonicera]

Irrespective of your decision, I hope security and happiness finds you as rapidly as possible. With regard to accepting, I think only you can judge how much happiness the area gives you relative to the unhappiness from personal circumstances. Personally, I would probably take the offer provided that it comes from a place of pure love and empathy rather than with an ulterior motive of enforcing debilitating or heavily controlling conditions. I'd find the security appealing so I could refocus life as I need to.

[Jessica Merriman]

You need to take the offer. You can regroup and return to Cali when you are stronger and better able to support yourself.

[Northern Jane]

Never underestimate the importance of family, particularly supportive family! This can be a cold and cruel world without support.

I got turfed out at age 24 and banished from my home town - my adopted mother was a nut-case. It wasn't until my 60s that my birth mother's family found out about me and came looking for me. For the last 3 years I have had a REAL family who cares and it is the most wonderful thing in the world (even though they are half a continent away)!

[Valleyrie]

I think you should take up this opportunity. You may not be where you want but you can always work towards it again. Your family and friends really seem like they want to help and the extra support would be nice. This could be the start of new relationships with your friends and family, they'll get to know the real you! Good luck with whatever road you choose.

[Ms Grace]

Yes. Yes. Yes. Hopefully things will stabilise for you and you'll be back on your feet again real soon. All the best. Hugs.

[Emjay]

I agree with everyone else here, take the offer!  This stuff is hard enough without having to deal with what you're having to go through.  A good support network and being around people who love you is invaluable.

True, maybe the area isn't as tolerant as you would like but being on the streets is nowhere near safe no matter the level of societal tolerance.  Heh, I'm here in deep crimson Indiana so I know what you mean, but even here I've found tolerance and acceptance.  It's maybe not everywhere or obvious as somewhere like California, but it's here.  I just had to go looking for it. 

I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do but yeah, that's my vote. 

[Brenda E]

Take the offer.  Unemployed, broke, homeless - that's no way to live, and it's a triplet of circumstances that you'll find it very hard to escape.  If you only had two of those three things it would be different, but all three at once is a trap.

As others have mentioned, go to New York, regroup, then return to CA if and when you're back on your feet.

Best of luck!  Sounds like you have a caring family.

[jennifer356]

I can understand and empathize with the desire to remain on your own and if circumstances were different I would fully support staying in Cali however at this time you have no support structure there (no money, no job, no home, etc) - Having support to help you through these challenging times is paramount to not only survival but to emotional and physical healing and growth - Transitioning is hard enough when all the stars are aligned but if I were in your place I would jump at the opportunity to have supportive friends and family at my side - We all wish you nothing but the very best

be well
jennifer

[traci_k]

Supportive friends and family vs. living on the streets. No brainer NY is calling.

Best wishes and hugs,

[Athena]

Take help when you need it.

[allisonsteph]

I have accepted the offer and will depart California on Saturday August 16. I will stay with a good friend about 90 miles from my family. Thanks to a sister here on this site I have had a few nights in a motel. I have enough left for one more night which I will use the last night I am here so I am rested and showered for my trip. That will leave four nights on the streets, thankfully the temperatures are much cooler than they were last week.

[Brenda E]

I have accepted the offer and will depart California on Saturday August 16. I will stay with a good friend about 90 miles from my family. Thanks to a sister here on this site I have had a few nights in a motel. I have enough left for one more night which I will use the last night I am here so I am rested and showered for my trip. That will leave four nights on the streets, thankfully the temperatures are much cooler than they were last week.

I think you made the absolute right choice.  Reset things, then go back to Cali if it still holds any interest for you.  Once you get back to NY, don't look at it as a temporary move.  Use the time to reconnect with your family and friends, build up some kind of support network for the new you.

[Kellee]

Having grown up in the upstate I understand your concerns, but family is important and I am glad you decided to go. I also think you will find there are more resources there as well.  Good luck and keep us posted!