Reading through this thread and seeing so many talk about eventually leaving the forum makes me sad... I guess I always knew that some people would leave once their transition was complete, but I never really actively thought about it before. I'm not going to beg you girls to stick around, but I wanted you to know that I'll miss seeing you around a great deal once you're gone.
I guess it's just a shock to me to see so many people with such a different view of things than I have in this regard. I don't view transition as having an endpoint, really. I can't imagine ever getting to a point where I think to myself, "Whew, I'm finally done! Now I can feel happy and put this all behind me!" Maybe when I first joined, I had this sort of mentality. The, "Transition starts with this and ends with this," sort. But somewhere along the way, things changed. I started becoming more interested in the mental aspects of transition than the physical. Through the help of some amazing women on this forum, I became more in touch with my femininity. I was able to explore my emotions. I became more empathetic. I discovered a sort of maternal instinct, I suppose. I wanted to nurture people. I wanted to help them see what they so often couldn't: That they're beautiful, precious... That someone genuinely cares when they're going through rough times and is there to listen, and that they would be greatly missed if they left this world.
This is the greatest joy I have discovered during transition. Being there for others. I've never felt more feminine or happy than when I'm helping others. When someone tells me we'll be friends forever or accepts me as a real member of their family, it's a better feeling to me than I'll ever get from hormones or SRS or anything else I can change about my body. And that leads me into another point I wanted to make -- You don't need to be able to personally relate to someone's situation to be able to help them. I should know. I have virtually NO experience when it comes to transition. I'm "pre-everything," as it were (a term I've grown to dislike as it doesn't account for the vast emotional and mental transition I have gone through), and I don't share many of the feelings other girls have about transition. I don't feel scared about it. I'm not worried one bit about society's reactions. I've dealt with the ignorance and bigotry of society my entire life, living in the south. It's nothing new and scary to me. But it doesn't matter whether or not I'm in the same situation as someone. I still know what it's like to hurt. To feel fear. To feel hopeless. And I know what it's like to want to die. I can still empathize. I can still help. I can still be a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a loyal friend. Often that's what helps more than anything else. Just being there for someone.
Well... This is a long rambly post and I'm not sure there was a point to it. I just started writing to say I'd miss you girls when you leave, and it turned into this. Maybe something in there was useful to someone. If not, thanks for reading anyway.
Evelyn, Misato, and the others... I hope you achieve all your goals in transition, but I'll miss you if you feel the need to "ride off into the sunset" someday.
