So tired and weak.

[Shantel]

Yeah, but I have no delusions about how I look. I'm not going to kid myself and say that I look good when I'm just....meh, at best.

Does being porcupine lover and being a squirrel have anything to do with your self-image? 

[Miss_Bungle1991]

  No.

Although I have to say that my anthro GG teenage counterpart has a better chest than I do. (Just my luck. )



Sorry about the thread drift. I won't say anything else, since I'm starting to derail this.

[Jess42]

Nor am I.



I'm quite hideous. But I don't care.

You most definitely are not hideous.

Seriously though what is it with being trans and feeling hideous?

You may not care but Miss or Ms. or Mrs. Squirrel but I do and you ain't freaklin' hideous. I'm trans and I don't feel hideous. Thanx to a couple of friends, one of which I am eventually gonna' get out of her shell, I think I may get dressed in my finest and go out.

Prolly not though I got Evenescence on and talking to people on Susan's, what could a girl ask for? Plenty or wine, good hard rock from a girl from the same hometown as me and the all the freakin' beautiful people here on susan's, guys and gals. Only thing that would make it better is if we were all in club somewhere.

[Jess42]

No.

Although I have to say that my anthro GG teenage counterpart has a better chest than I do. (Just my luck. )



Sorry about the thread drift. I won't say anything else, since I'm starting to derail this.

Derail it all you want hon. Drift where you wanna' go. I am so much better now. whenever I do make a thread it ain't just about me. so go with it Laura.

BTW, you call yourself hideous again. Best Robert de Nero accent, "Ju, gotta prolem wi me?" Now best Al Pacino accent, "Let me introduce you to my little friend." God Al Pacino talks right and I can't do the Accent over the net. But I like Squirrel hunting, 'cause I'm from the south. Salt rock won't hurt you but'll make that but will sting that butt for a while. I know 'cause I got shot stealing pumpkins from a pumpkin field one time. Long story shot Laura you are no hideous. Now I'm older I got rock salt loaded in  12 guage shells.

I just realized what I said and no he don't make it sting but yeah the next day walking like a cowgirl.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

You may not care Miss Squirrel but I do and you ain't freaklin' hideous. I'm trans and I don't feel hideous.

It's just the way that I see myself. It's not really because I'm trans. If I was a genetic chick, I would still feel the same way about how I look.

[Shantel]

It's just the way that I see myself. It's not really because I'm trans. If I was a genetic chick, I would still feel the same way about how I look.

You look fine hon, there's nothing wrong with your looks.

[Jess42]

It's just the way that I see myself. It's not really because I'm trans. If I was a genetic chick, I would still feel the same way about how I look.

Me too. I hate to say this but most genetic chicks don't think they look good either unless they are a little conceited. And my dear, that is not a good thing with cisgirls. I know 'cause I had plenty of them as girl friends and girlfriends. It was really sad with the both because all they could get with their attitude was someone like me.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Me too. I hate to say this but most genetic chicks don't think they look good either unless they are a little conceited. And my dear, that is not a good thing with cisgirls. I know 'cause I had plenty of them as girl friends and girlfriends. It was really sad with the both because all they could get with their attitude was someone like me.

Yeah, it seems that some people, no matter if they are trans or cis, end up on one polar opposite or the other. Maybe someday I will reach a happy medium. I don't know. But I don't really hate myself. I just think that I look really plain and boring. But I also hate things like make up.

The same could be said for flashy or revealing clothes. I'm just a really boring person. Honestly, the only thing that I see about myself that needs to be changed is the weight thing. Again, this is something that any woman would end up dealing with, no matter if they were cis or trans. But the combination of getting older (I'm almost 40..even though most people don't think that I look it....or act it ....sometimes), along with a medication that I am taking can make the weight loss battle a bit of a tough one.

[Jess42]

Yeah, it seems that some people, no matter if they are trans or cis, end up on one polar opposite or the other. Maybe someday I will reach a happy medium. I don't know. But I don't really hate myself. I just think that I look really plain and boring. But I also hate things like make up.

The same could be said for flashy or revealing clothes. I'm just a really boring person. Honestly, the only thing that I see about myself that needs to be changed is the weight thing. Again, this is something that any woman would end up dealing with, no matter if they were cis or trans. But the combination of getting older (I'm almost 40..even though most people don't think that I look it....or act it ....sometimes), along with a medication that I am taking can make the weight loss battle a bit of a tough one.

OMG, almost forty? Jesus, I am on the backside of forty and it gets faster once you reach the peak like 45. Or for me it does anyway. What medication Laura? I do know some anti depressants can cause weight gain. the best thing I ever did was finding a competent Psychiatrist.  I told her I was losing weight and definitely didn't want anything that would make me want to eat more or gain weight. Voila, Prozac and Klonopin and the Prozac actually is more ore less an energy booster and the Klonipin really doesn't do much like Xanax but makes you chill out. Never go to a GP for Psychological drugs. Go to the source and tell them what is wrong an what you need and if you are trying to lose weight or not. I gained 60 pounds from a GP prescribing Paxil and Xanax, with a real shrink that prescribed Prozac and Klonipin  I lost those 60 pounds and still losing. the very first thing I told this Psychiatrists was that I was losing weight and did not want to gain it back and she prescribed me the medication that would help without the weight gain.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

OMG, almost forty? Jesus, I am on the backside of forty and it gets faster once you reach the peak like 45. Or for me it does anyway. What medication Laura? I do know some anti depressants can cause weight gain. the best thing I ever did was finding a competent Psychiatrist.  I told her I was losing weight and definitely didn't want anything that would make me want to eat more or gain weight. Voila, Prozac and Klonopin and the Prozac actually is more ore less an energy booster and the Klonipin really doesn't do much like Xanax but makes you chill out. Never go to a GP for Psychological drugs. Go to the source and tell them what is wrong an what you need and if you are trying to lose weight or not. I gained 60 pounds from a GP prescribing Paxil and Xanax, with a real shrink that prescribed Prozac and Klonipin  I lost those 60 pounds and still losing. the very first thing I told this Psychiatrists was that I was losing weight and did not want to gain it back and she prescribed me the medication that would help without the weight gain.

I'm on a combination of Quetiapine and Alprazolam. I take the Alprazolam to calm the panic attacks that started a couple of years ago. I take the Quetiapine so I can sleep. The panic attacks started due to the discovery that the Ventriculoperitoneal Shunt that I've had since I was six months old had broke and it totally freaked me out. I was terrified that I was going to die in my sleep. So, I would go two and three days without sleep. I would freak out at every pain, thinking that it was the precursor to a heart attack or stroke. My arms and hands would go completely numb for no reason at all. I was eating virtually nothing. I was also developing an odd sensitivity to sound. Everything was really screwed up and out of whack. I was never home since I was constantly freaking out and terrified to be alone in the event that something did happen. This went on for, like, a year and a half. There was a times where I was seriously considering killing myself since everything so was so screwed up. The thing that sucked the most was that six months before all of this started, I had finally beat the gender issues. So, I thought that my life had finally balanced itself out. Then, all of this crazy stuff started and no one could tell me way it was happening. At first I was put on Trazadone and I HATED that drug. It made my feet swell and I went through these really weird manic spells, so I dropped it. I was already taking the Alprazolam. They swapped out the Trazadone for the Quetiapine and things have been okay from that point on. Actually, I think my weight may be stable or declining slowly. I always check things by trying on my old tops that I've had since 07. I seem to be getting closer and closer to getting there (but I'm still fat). I just need to give it more time.

[Jess42]

I'm on a combination of Quetiapine and Alprazolam. I take the Alprazolam to calm the panic attacks that started a couple of years ago. I take the Quetiapine so I can sleep. The panic attacks started due to the discovery that the Ventriculoperitoneal Shunt that I've had since I was six months old had broke and it totally freaked me out. I was terrified that I was going to die in my sleep. So, I would go two and three days without sleep. I would freak out at every pain, thinking that it was the precursor to a heart attack or stroke. My arms and hands would go completely numb for no reason at all. I was eating virtually nothing. I was also developing an odd sensitivity to sound. Everything was really screwed up and out of whack. I was never home since I was constantly freaking out and terrified to be alone in the event that something did happen. This went on for, like, a year and a half. There was a times where I was seriously considering killing myself since everything so was so screwed up. The thing that sucked the most was that six months before all of this started, I had finally beat the gender issues. So, I thought that my life had finally balanced itself out. Then, all of this crazy stuff started and no one could tell me way it was happening. At first I was put on Trazadone and I HATED that drug. It made my feet swell and I went through these really weird manic spells, so I dropped it. I was already taking the Alprazolam. They swapped out the Trazadone for the Quetiapine and things have been okay from that point on. Actually, I think my weight may be stable or declining slowly. I always check things by trying on my old tops that I've had since 07. I seem to be getting closer and closer to getting there (but I'm still fat). I just need to give it more time.

God Laura, I am in tears. I really wish that I could die in my sleep though But yeah it is a scary prospect unless you really don't care, like me.

Believe me Klonipin or clonazepam is a lot better than Xanax which is what alprazolam is. Xanax is a clock watching drug. Clonazapam or Klonipin is the same thing as Xanax, It's a bensodiazapam but it stay in you system and once it' s there it's there and does the same thing as Xanax but is more steady with regular dosages. I like Xanax. I won't lie and will never lie. It feels good, take it and chill out. I was paranoid and thought that my shrink was giving me placebo and gave a friend two of the chlonazapam and it messed her up. So no placebos here but more chilled all the time instead of 3 or 4 hours at a time.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

God Laura, I am in tears. I really wish that I could die in my sleep though But yeah it is a scary prospect unless you really don't care, like me.

Believe me Klonipin or clonazepam is a lot better than Xanax which is what alprazolam is. Xanax is a clock watching drug. Clonazapam or Klonipin is the same thing as Xanax, It's a bensodiazapam but it stay in you system and once it' s there it's there and does the same thing as Xanax but is more steady with regular dosages. I like Xanax. I won't lie and will never lie. It feels good, take it and chill out. I was paranoid and thought that my shrink was giving me placebo and gave a friend two of the chlonazapam and it messed her up. So no placebos here but more chilled all the time instead of 3 or 4 hours at a time.

Yeah, I know what it is. I take one in the morning and I'm fine. I take the other one before I go to bed. I snuggle up with Portia and all is well. I never went to a psychiatrist. I saw a psychologist when I was working on getting my HRT letter. There is a psychologist that works in conjunction with my endocrinologist that I saw a couple of times. But that was only when times were at their worst. Honestly, I don't really like the idea of being on meds (other than my E). But if if I have to take a couple of pills so I can have a normal life again, so be it. I sure as hell don't want to go back to where I was before. If I did, I would be dead within weeks and I don't want that. I would rather enjoy my life again. Yeah, I still get "the blues" sometimes, but it's no big deal. It's nothing compared to what I went through in the past. I just do other things to take my mind off of it (like jamming on some noise or something). If I just need some quiet time and someone to talk to, I have Portia for that.

[Jess42]

Definitely, hon Psychiatrists are a whole lot better than a GP at prescribing meds that you need. GP don't really know anything other than Xanax and the newest antidepressant.