Non-Binary & Binary Members Similarities

[Asche]

I think I get why some binary trans people might not be cool with NB trans people.

It's a little like in the USA when I was growing up.  There were the African-Americans who were trying to prove that they were just as moral, hardworking, law-abiding, intelligent, educated, etc., as white people.  (Which meant they had to be more so than whites.)  They often feared that African-Americans who weren't that way or who in any way lived up to the (negative) stereotypes of black people would make whites think that, underneath their good behavior, they were no different from the "bad negros" and thus were a threat to their own hopes of being accepted.

If you're a binary trans person who just wants to live and feel normal and wants to pass as the gender you identify as, you might feel that trans people who don't fit into the gender binary will reinforce the stereotype that trans people are weirdos and perverts and make things worse for all trans people.  (I've had people tell me that.)  You might even resent people who challenge the gender system that you hope to fit into so you can live a normal life.

[Jess42]

This is something I really can't understand and in the last few weeks it has seemed to go down hill. What exactly is binary and non binary? I always assumed that binary was cis and tied to their gender physically and mentally and non binary had a disconnect between their inside and outside genders. Thus not bound to their physically born gender. Then they either decided to change the appearance of their physical gender to match the inner gender. Or try to let both sides coexist. OK maybe I may be wrong. I am MTF non binary so I am sitting on the fence trying to decide which way to swing my legs and jump off of the fence. I really wish someone would push me. I think I may be pushing myself to the female but at times I really don't know.

The biggest similarity that I can think of is we all are different. We are all unique. We all have different lives we chose to live and none is actually more important or legitimate than anyone else's. Another one is that we are all on Susan's questioning, seeking guidance or experience in other's life experiences. It kills me that there are so many that are separated between non binary to binary. No it really don't kill me, I am not that fortunate, but it hurts me that there is this conflict  that seems to be going on. I accept everyone. I love everyone as a brother or sister. If I had a person come up to me on the street wearing a cute pink sundress and sporting a beard, it wouldn't bother me in the least. We are outside of the gender norms that society has set for us and I love and respect Shantel and others as being non binary as much as I love and respect Cindy and others for transitioning and planning SRS. I have learned a lot from both. All I am forever grateful too on this sight, even the younger members for their experiences even though I am older than a lot of them.

So. We are all transgender, we all have a very little niche in society, we are all unique human beings, a lot of us started out confused, a lot of us started out knowing that something wasn't quite right from first memories but we are all trans. Even though I claim non binary I find myself drawn to more and more MTF "binary". Meaning I am contemplating more and more HRT. I don't even really consider SRS yet and not really even thinking of SRS even. So what would that make me? I really don't care too much because I have always been way more female than male. Labels don't bother me much either because you name it and I have probably at one time or another been labeled it.

I do believe the biggest similarity we have is that we are all humans and want to feel happy with who we are and comfortable in our own skin.

[Asche]

What exactly is binary and non binary? I always assumed that binary was cis and tied to their gender physically and mentally and non binary had a disconnect between their inside and outside genders.

This is my understanding of things; no doubt if I've messed anything up, someone will correct me.


"Binary" refers to what's called the "Gender Binary" -- the idea that there are two genders, male and female, with a whole bunch of associated traits, and every human is either one or the other.  Usually, there's also the assumption that it can't change.

"Cis" means that the gender one identifies as is the same as the one they were assigned at birth.  This is what Western Society, at least, has always assumed and enforced for everyone.

"Binary trans" means that one identifies as the other gender from what they were assigned at birth.  Note that "the other" implies there are only two choices.  "Both", "neither", and "other" are excluded.

"Non binary" is anyone who can't honestly say that they definitely identify as male or definitely identify as female, such as androgynous, agender, people whose sense of their gender varies; I'm sure I've missed some.  (Edit:  I missed genderqueer.  FWIW, Wikipedia links non-binary to Genderqueer)

FWIW, we're generally talking about people whose bodies are fairly clearly male or female.  There are also "intersex" people -- to oversimplify, these are people whose bodies are in some sense neither clearly male nor clearly female.

[Jess42]

Thanks Asche. I still don't know what I am. I doubt intersex even though I grew small boobs during puberty and an extremely small "thingy". I don't know I guess I'm just me. Non binary, binary trans since I feel and think way more female than male, oh well. I guess I'm just me. Whoever that may be or eventually become. I really don't know or even like to label myself anyway 'cause its always changing. But it does seem like two steps forward and half a step back. O well, one day I may figure it out.

[VeronicaLynn]

Thanks Asche. I still don't know what I am. I doubt intersex even though I grew small boobs during puberty and an extremely small "thingy". I don't know I guess I'm just me. Non binary, binary trans since I feel and think way more female than male, oh well. I guess I'm just me. Whoever that may be or eventually become. I really don't know or even like to label myself anyway 'cause its always changing. But it does seem like two steps forward and half a step back. O well, one day I may figure it out.

I'm not sure that what I am really has a label. I keep going back and forth between genderfluid and bigender, neither of them exactly fits. I also think what I am trying to be scares binary trans because, if I am a person that finds a way to be happy in a male body despite having basically a female personality, that then certain people might use it against them to prevent HRT and/or SRS being available to them...I don't want that to happen, I know some people need these, and I don't want things I say to be used by transphobic people as an obstacle towards someone else transitioning.

[Mark3]

I guess I'm just me. Whoever that may be or eventually become. I really don't know or even like to label myself anyway 'cause its always changing. But it does seem like two steps forward and half a step back. O well, one day I may figure it out.

That's pretty much how I seem to feel too, when all this is said and done. 

I know that understanding the differences / similarities within us is part of being non binary, and deserves thought and discussion, but for now, I have no more interest in labels, differences or similarities. I just want to be part of Susan's place, period, and be equally supportive and interact with the whole board. I want to feel like family with the whole board, not just one forum. Maybe I'm crazy.?

[EchelonHunt]

I agree. I've become aware that it is as strong as ever. Defensive reasoning to protect a singular world view.
Binary privilege exists to such an extent that there are non-binaries who accept it in their own thinking.
It has existed for so long that it is considered the normal, there are even those who aren't able to recognize it, and make excuses in defense of it.
Even in some who consider themselves to not be binary, they still accept it as the normal, defending it as if it is.
So when the going gets tough, accept it and go to the beach and explain it to the wind that is there as well.
Ativan

Ativan, I disagree.

There are non-binaries such as myself who still have the binary thinkings (not privileges) in my head, such as the female <-> androgynous <-> male line. On days, it is easier to explain to binary member in their terms and language rather than resorting to a language that can confuse them further and where it can be easily misinterpreted as something else entirely. I view gender as being as vast as the universe but when it comes to speaking to my binary cis-friends, I will use a more simple language. Not in the attempt to be insulting to them but to make it easier for them to understand as they only know that a line exists... then later, it will become apparent to them that there is much more than a simple line.

Until then, I ask so what?

If someone views gender as a line rather than a spectrum... so what? If as you say, there are non-binaries who carry binary privileges, so what?

You cannot change people and you certainly cannot encourage change by implying that binary privileges is alive within the non-binary community. Really, what do you expect that will do? It will only serve to divide a community. Now, if there were some truth in your words, I would be agreeing with you but as far as I know, from what I have witnessed on the forums and in PMs, the non-binaries have been nothing but accepting, open-minded and viewing gender as vast as the universe. Sure, there are non-binaries who are struggling, such as myself and others but that does not mean they should be punished and blamed for having binary privileges.

That is outrageous and very disrespectful.

What is most disturbing is that you will speak about non-binaries carrying binary privileges, yet you will not speak about your poor behavior on the forum and during PMs. You have had your PM privileges removed because you were disrespectful and abusing members of the forums.

You may believe you were right, that you were fiercely protecting the non-binary community but I assure you, you have done the exact opposite. I used to hold in you in such high regard as a wise, respectable individual... now, while I do agree with posts you make, this one I cannot because I now know that you are so rigid in your non-binary thinking that you will attack others on the forum, especially if they struggle to understand non-binaries or the thinking behind it.

You should welcome others with acceptance, even if they struggle to understand at first. That you do not and continue to insist there is binary privilege alive within the non-binary community... this illustrates your true thinking.

That you have non-binary privilege running through your veins.

Non-binaries are not better than anyone. You are not better than anyone else here, you are on equal grounds with everyone else. I would encourage you to please start treating everyone with the same respect, whether they are non-binary or binary.

That is the difference between you and many others here.

If you wish to discuss binary privileges among the non-binary community, I highly encourage you to make a new thread - just as dearest Dread_Faery made one for Binary Privileges. I do not desire such a topic in my thread which was originally created to point out the similarities in a positive manner. Therefore, it is not welcome in my thread.

You may argue that it is a similarity between non-binary and binary members but it is not a positive similarity that will bring a community closer.

Thank you,

Kind regards,

Jacey   

I know that understanding the differences / similarities within us is part of being non binary, and deserves thought and discussion, but for now, I have no more interest in labels, differences or similarities. I just want to be part of Susan's place, period, and be equally supportive and interact with the whole board. I want to feel like family with the whole board, not just one forum. Maybe I'm crazy.?

This 1000x

[Taka]

jacey, i am sorry for derailing your thread further, i just wanted to clear up something.

you might have misunderstood what ativan was actually talking about.
(though i agree that talking about differences when you're asking about similarities, does not contribute to the topic.)

what i read from ativan's post was not that some non-binaries carry binary privilege. what is meant is that many non-binaries are accepting a world view where binaries have some privileges, and try to adjust their living accordingly, without really stopping to question whether what really should be changed is the binary world view.

it is something that easily happens among minorities.
in my own country, there are two very different peoples with very different languages, who have lived side by side since way earlier than any historical records go. the norwegians have privilege, a whole lot of it, and it is commonly accepted not only among the norwegians, but also the saami.
it has to do with learning from the day one enters school, that norwegian is the language you're supposed to speak, those who don't understand norwegian are less intelligent, those who are less intelligent don't know what's best for them. etc. etc.

this way of thinking, where the majority's privilege is accepted as the natural state, has lead to some very worrisome things happening almost without anyone ever asking why.
the local school has both norwegian and saami classes. the saami children here have a legal right to learn every subject in their own mother tongue, and should in principle have the exact same rights as the norwegian children. half of the subjects are still taught in norwegian though, because there aren't enough teachers who speak saami, and nobody goes the extra length to recruit anyone either.
many parents of saami children have poor reading and writing skills in saami because they were never allowed to learn their own language in school themselves. so when they notice that their children aren't learning as much as they had expected in the saami class, they transfer them to the norwegian class. for norwegian children who have problems learning have a right to supplement classes, while saami children never get that. their lower than average learning curve is explained by how saami is such a difficult language (science says it's much easier than norwegian though), and they just need more time.

none of our saami politicians have ever spoken up, demanding equal rights to learning from good teachers. they seem rather happy with status quo, and praise the norwegian government for having given these tiny rights to at least learn one's own language in school. even if the teachers don't have the competence to teach the language well.

the maority's privilege is too commonly accepted among the minority. it is almost never questioned.

it wouldn't be weird if the same thing happened in the trans community.
i still hear that you need srs just so the majority will be able to accept you as your chosen gender.
i only rarely hear people saying that the majority is completely wrong about what is an acceptable body for a person of this or that gender.
many non-binary people still choose to present as either binary gender, because it's easier.


and back on topic, i still mean that the biggest similarity is that we are all humans.
maybe i should add that most of us are also perfectly sane, regardless of gender, physiology, or internal body map.
the less sane individuals exist in all groups, and have equal worth too. they're also humans.

[EchelonHunt]

Please do not apologize, Taka. Thank you for clearing up the misunderstanding, it is very helpful and I can look at Ativan's post in a different light.

I am guilty of presenting as binary because it is easier, I present as a feminine male to the public even though my gender is non-existent. I had no choice but to pursue a binary transition in order to remove my female parts since I was denied the option as a biological female. I also have to continue binary transition as I know that no reputable surgeon in my area will remove my female genitals (FGM is illegal) to become sexless outside of transitioning, so binary transition is the only option I have where I can safely modify the surgery I desire to suit my needs.

I have grown up with the binary thinking ingrained into my mind, unfortunately, this binary thinking had prompted me to believe I must be a man since I disliked being a woman so much. After being on testosterone for four years and a relationship break-up forced me to question my identity, I came to realize I don't identify with either gender at all. Since identifying as non-binary, slowly and surely with time, this thinking will be undone. However, I am now stuck with a voice that sounds like a man rather than gender-neutral and excess body hair which will need laser hair removal. I wish I could have discovered I was non-binary earlier, then I would have been able to go on a low dose of T and stop before my voice got too deep but I cannot as the past has been done, it cannot be rewritten. I have to live with the consequences of my actions and do my best to live, I have to keep moving forward.

I cannot remember a time, in history, where the binary did not exist or was not enforced onto others. But over time, it has slowly been changing with the existence of transgender, intersex and gender-variant individuals growing and I am sure there will be a place for non-binary where they are accepted into society, maybe not tomorrow but it will be soon - there has been an increasing amount of internet articles expressing the awareness of those who identify as non-binary, this is a good and will continue to help our cause in a positive way.

I believe one day we can co-exist together as one in society. That is my dream. It may be a foolish dream that will burn in flames but I will keep dreaming, supporting the community and raising awareness anyway.

On the flip side, the realist in me thinks, yes, we may co-exist, we may get certain rights given but ultimately, we will never be true equals to the binary population, much like the outcome of your story. I feel this quote rings quite true to the story you have written, Taka, about the Norwegian and Sammi people... in fact, it could ring true about life in general.

"There are only two kinds of people in this world; those who steal and those who are stolen from."

[Taka]

whether we can gain equality or not should never stop our fight to reach that point in history.
the kyriarchy seems to be a very real thing in all societies, and even the weakest will find someone weaker to oppress.

it seems, now that i read things again, that our most common trait is imperfection.
if only we were all perfect, we would never have any misunderstandings. we would all be able to express ourselves clearly, and read the actual meaning from each other's words... i misunderstand and am misunderstood just as often as anyone else.

but admitting that we are indeed not perfect, also allows us to see past all our differences, to seek common ground, to always try to learn and understand more about the world and each other.

the lgbt community in sweden have taken an interesting approach, where they criticize the socially construed norms to have them changed, rather than just seek tolerance. i can tolerate the most hateful person's existence (he has a right to exist after all), but wouldn't it be much better if my world just had a natural place for that person too? what i judge as hateful based on norms i don't realize i'm living, could very well be a potential best friend.

[Myarkstir]

I am going to try and bring something to your thread. But to find the similarities, one needs to define each version of what we call Gender Dyshoria
So here goes for my view of it and in now way will it be universal. But it will help my explanation and hopefully will bring something to add to the discussion


First, lets isolate several concept.
A) Born Body Gender
B) Born Mind Gender
C) Sexual Preference
D) Effect of life/society/stress/depression/etc on Mind Gender.
E) Perception of society

Now, only taking born "Body and Mind" gender(points A and B), and ignoring points C,D and E, here are my views on this. Feel free to add/correct this as I am only an expert on Binary Dysphoria and the rest is accumulated knowledge and I won't pretend otherwise


m                 |               f
This is how the world views Genders, there are 2 genders with nothing in between. To it/them, Both the body and mind are inseparable and stand on one end of the spectrum.

m---------------------------------f
Now taking Binary Gender Dysphoria into account, this would be my gender scale (using mine for this exercise).

B---------------------------------M
Now again taking my binary gender dysphoria it would look like this, body on one end of the scale, mind on the other. The journey I took brought my body in line with my mind on the scale, but it went through a "Crossdresser/Androgenous type phase where my body did not match the male perception that society had. This period for binaries is extremely difficult and painful, as we go from being accepted by society to being shunned. But at the same time, it will bring a similarity to non binary journeys in what society percieves nonetheless. Our pain only stops once our Journey is over and our body stands in a confortable zone. My current scale taking my srs in 2 months in account is something like this and my mind is happy with this and no longer seeks any more changes, just my srs. I am now in a comfortable zone and no longer need surgery past my srs.
-------------------------------B--M


m---------------------------------f
m--m--m--m--m--m---m--m--m--m------
-----b--b--b--b--b--b---b--b------b
For a Non binary Gender Dysphoria, the situation is much more complexe, as both the mind and the body's mapping stand all over the scale and thus is not as easy to define as binary gender dysphoria. (scales up there are for imaging the concept only and must not be taken literaly). The None Binary Journey will be similar here to a Binary journey, in that it will be as painful to leave the "Sociably comfortable zone" to meet one's mind mapping, but this is where I suspect the similarities end, as it is not as easy to meet one's mind mapping and society is not making it easy to solve this. It is starting to accept a binary view of Gender Dysphoria, but in no way is our fight(both Binary and None Binary) for acceptance is over for any of us.


-----------------b----------------m
Also just for adding to the discussion, people who are Androgenous, are slightly different. The born body does not stand at one end of the spectrum. They journey can be simple or very complex, as the scale here can be accompanied by a gender dysphoria scale (either binary or none binary), therefore complicating their journeys as well.

Then add points c,d and e, and you get something so difficult that a lot of us get out of it with war wounds as a souvenir. THAT is similar for everyone, this fight we all live together so that we can all get the treatment we need.

[Jaded Jade]

I am at the start of fighting my GD, internally I have always thought of myself as more androgynous than anything.

What I think the Binary folks and the Non-binaries have in common is the Dysphoria.  That we have different internal ideals and mappings and chemistries to appease to beat the GD is irrelevant.

As NB/MTA I might have the option of achieving what I need with out a full social transition, but I would want to be opening in the middle if it were a real choice.  But it isn't yet is it?  Not a safe to walk down the street, stay employed and keep food on the table for the family choice.  Not yet.  But it is for me necessary to physically change to see myself in the mirror, I will have to take low dose HRT indefinitely or the screaming of the GD will grind me to dust and kill me, I can wear clothes and jewelry that are neutral enough for me and acceptable enough for those around me that are not ready.  And socially my Angelic wife knows and accepts me, in time me closest friends will know or leave me, my family might one day know, my sister at least.  But to so many others how can I be something that doesn't have a name for them? 

What we have in common:

The Darn Mirror - I think most of have looked in the mirror and not seen ourselves, we all hope to one day look in it and see ourselves, or now do.  (I am starting to thank the gods!)

Gender Dysphoria - It may be different flavours, our precise paths might be different, but it is a deadly enemy to us all.  It is Terror and Agony and Isolation and Death.

Society doesn't get it - All the negativity and horrid words and bad ideas from so many people that think their opinion is worth anything, who don't even know what GD is.  That Trans is the cure, and GD the problem.

Denial of self - Before confronting GD we have all tried to be what Cis-Society told us we should be, what they told us would make us happy.  It did not work.  For me 18 years ago and again 10 years ago I knew something was different in me, but BINARY comments made me lock my soul in a prison and not address my GD.  (So please try and respect the NB/A people and not invalidate their endpoints and paths, ignorant binary comments cost me 18 years of GD-Hell!)

Endurance and Bloodymindedness - To survive and do whatever we must to fix whatever elements of our bodies that we can, change our hormones, and seek whatever allies we can to stand by us.  We seek to change and fix ourselves because we must.  We have to tear ourselves apart to reforge ourselves again, our exact goals differ, but no Cis-person could ever truly understand.

Loss and fear of loss - Fear of everything that could go wrong.  You hear stories where some people find good luck and good fortune, and others where they do not.


---

And Envy.

The last one is the ugliest one.  Some envy those without GD.  Some envy those that are born with the bodies they wish they had.  Some envy that a non-binary-trans person can achieve an androgynous/neutral passing as birth gender and avoid certain hardships.  Some envy that a binary-trans person has a socially accepted endpoint, that once reached allows them to openly be themselves and to have a letter to circle on official forms. And envy makes us trigger each other and invalidate each other.

Lets lose this the last one.

We all are fighting our unique dysphoria, on our unique paths, with what luck and fortune, good or bad, we each have.

I am MTA because that is what I MUST be.  Others are MTF/FTM because that is what they MUST be.  -  And this IS a similarity, not a difference.  The need for a particular personal endpoint, for peace, and for balance.


- Jaded (And now I must yoga till I hurt) Jade

(edit: replaced a word.)

[helen2010]

Jaded J

Really relate to your post. My journey seems to have been quite similar.  Your perspectives on similarities and differences align with mine

Safe travels

Aisla

[Satinjoy]

Agree with Jade and Aisla.

You might add frustration to the list.

We all know I live genderqueer socially.  Muted, understated, but its there to be read.

Blessings.

Satinjoy

[Tessa James]

Yes, well stated Jade. +1

[Shantel]

What we have in common:

The Darn Mirror - I think most of have looked in the mirror and not seen ourselves, we all hope to one day look in it and see ourselves, or now do. 

The entire commentary is rather excellent but this in particular struck me as I look in the mirror and see a woman's body with my dad's head on it. I've had two FFS procedures to change that, but alas there is my dearly departed Pop looking back at me. Kriky that is beyond frustrating because I only just want to be me.

[Jess42]

OK so I'm getting my butt kicked with dysphoria right now. Don't happen often but right now it is taking my breath away. I wish it literally would.

Similarities? Do you really want to know? It is ugly. It is not nice. It is sad. But do you really want to know? I can tell you but I don't want to hurt anyone by what I'm feeling right now but if you want the ugly freakin' truth. Right now I can tell you. Right now I can show everyone the darkness. If anyone wants to know. I will answer because I am there. I am low. I am dark. I think we all feel this way so all non binarys and binarys, let me know if you want to know the freakn' truth. Ho I feel right now is the total truth so Jess42 is down. This is the similarities. The question is do you really want to know? Because right now I am in Hell.

[Jaded Jade]

I am still at the beginning of my path with fixing my GD, the non-binary in the face of all the binary voices sometimes makes me doubt.  As I am making very real steps now, about to get a GT appointment, talking to the godsend LGBT organization at work, my wife and a key friend or two I need to be sure.

I am MTA, not MTF, high, low, or medium E, my NB/Androgyne core doesn't change, that is my endpoint, the low dose HRT that I know I will need indefinitely might swing me too far to the femme side, only time will tell.  (But many 4,5,8,+year MTA's say MTA balance is possible...)

I have let the AA and E wear off.  I needed to flip the dysphoria back on, to feel it again, to know that the cure I have tasted for acouple months is true.

So all binaries listen up.

TRIGGER WARNING.

~30 hours, the stress is back to 110%, as it was before.

~36 hours, the creeping doom of the impending return of the paranoia starts up.

~37 hours, stress headache.

~38 hours, the thought that it would be easier to be dead started to resurface.  (I am fine, the thoughts have no power over me, I have plenty to live for!  But it is back.)


All this is as it was for me for over twenty years.  It went away in days when I first tried E, it comes back when I don't have it. 

But this time some of the accumulated minor physical changes let me look in the mirror and see myself.  I still want to lose 30 pounds.  But for 25 years I have not seen myself in the mirror, until these last couple months.  But now I do, thanks to targeted muscle building exercises and AA&E.  So some more of the same will be nice, and some laser.  And let my hair grow longer. 

Our endpoints might not be the same, but the hell of dysphoria, the enmity of the mirror when our bodies and minds are not in sync, and the transformative powers of our similar cures are the same.

So I seek to stay passing male?  So what.  It is not inconsistent with non-binary, though some openly present NB, I am aiming for andro-male, those who have wisdom and perception will see the truth.  Without the clothes, without presentation, there is no denying that I am started on the path of MTA. 

Society will catch up in 50 years, I have no intention of waiting for it to do so to be whole, or picking a fight with a million ignorant people in the meantime.

So outside the house I choose my shirts wisely, it does not change the reality of who and what I am.


- Jaded (You might want to change your letter on your drivers license, I want a third option, is this really a difference?  Or a similarity?) Jade

[helen2010]

JJ

Finding the edge, looking in the shadow for the dysphoria which is always there.  Provided I have low dose hrt then I walk in the light.  Definitely m2me which is much like your MTA. 

But if I ease back on the E or the Spiro the dysphoria snaps back. It is a strange thing being trans*, many incarnations and each one of us trying to find that sweet spot, that point of equilibrium where you can meet your self.  Being me and being authentic is the gift that low dose hrt provides.  Without it life would be intolerable

Be well
Aisla

[Taka]

hrt working against dysphoria might have more to do with brain structure than anything else. hormones can be toxic if you get too much of them, and anxiety or depression are symptoms of poisoning. or deficiency, vitamin d (it's a hormone) deficiency causes a whole lot of depression that would have been avoided if people just ate more fish in winter.

but those who naturally have the right hormone levels can also benefit from treatment for a limited time, to change some features or whatever. not all can be changed with surgeries after all.

OK so I'm getting my butt kicked with dysphoria right now. Don't happen often but right now it is taking my breath away. I wish it literally would.

Similarities? Do you really want to know? It is ugly. It is not nice. It is sad. But do you really want to know? I can tell you but I don't want to hurt anyone by what I'm feeling right now but if you want the ugly freakin' truth. Right now I can tell you. Right now I can show everyone the darkness. If anyone wants to know. I will answer because I am there. I am low. I am dark. I think we all feel this way so all non binarys and binarys, let me know if you want to know the freakn' truth. Ho I feel right now is the total truth so Jess42 is down. This is the similarities. The question is do you really want to know? Because right now I am in Hell.

i like dark...
used to reject the light, but after some interesting happenings during winter, and a way too hot and bright summer, i ended up thinking maybe the light is ok too. best thing is balance after all.
but i might have forgotten that seriously bad dysphoria. wonder when it will come back again. not waiting for it to seek out treatment in some form, but... it's an odd feeling to not be haunted.