Came out to my sister and she wants to tell my mom

[butterflies]

No and no the rest too. I go to high school most of the day, i can't get a job that will make me financially independent, and I can't even because of the green card issue. I wrote an email to that website glyswny... And no I don't have friends that would let me do that I

I'm sorry...idk about the green card issue. It sounds really complicated.. all I can say is "get friends that can help you" change schools if you have to. Catholics from Italy?.they'll never accept you. Your face has good potential, I think passing will be easier than for many others. Still, you'll have to work for it. Good luck


Ps I'd open my home too but my place is tiny and located in an area where people don't speak 3 words of English

[Jo-is-amazing]

Ummmmmm speaking as someone who was raised catholic, in a very religious environment the religion element has nothing to do with anything. I went to a catholic all boys school (well all boys but one)  and nearly everyone I was out to there (about 10-15 people) treated me with absolute dignity and respect (even the priest!!! Who I later learned my mother had told everything to out of fear of me being bullied).

If you have anyone around you that loves you more than their religious fear/ their embarrassment for what you are ( that's what this stuff is, abondoning family members out of embarrassment) go to them, you mentioned your dad might be more accepting even if it's possible disclose to him and let him know how scared and miserable you are. Even if he doesn't accept you fo who you are he might intervene on at least the abuse

[butterflies]

Ummmmmm speaking as someone who was raised catholic, in a very religious environment the religion element has nothing to do with anything. I went to a catholic all boys school (well all boys but one)  and nearly everyone I was out to there (about 10-15 people) treated me with absolute dignity and respect (even the priest!!! Who I later learned my mother had told everything to out of fear of me being bullied).

If you have anyone around you that loves you more than their religious fear/ their embarrassment for what you are ( that's what this stuff is, abondoning family members out of embarrassment) go to them, you mentioned your dad might be more accepting even if it's possible disclose to him and let him know how scared and miserable you are. Even if he doesn't accept you fo who you are he might intervene on at least the abuse

Then your experience with Catholics is entirely different from mine. Especially when it comes to family members.

Saying it has nothing to do with anything is a lie. Religions teach judgment, intolerance and hatred. You were lucky enough to encounter people who could overcome those teachings. Most people aren't.

[Jo-is-amazing]

Im not saying that religion is not a factor
but the cause of the problem isn't the religion. It's incredibly selfish individuals abandoning their children in fear of how their friends and acquaintances will look at them. Sure religion may build that environment...but in the end it's parents abandoning us out of embarrassment for what we are.

Anyways, that's not important...what's important is that Emily's not really in the greatest place in the world right now, so...help please? I don't know how :/

[butterflies]

Im not saying that religion is not a factor
but the cause of the problem isn't the religion. It's incredibly selfish individuals abandoning their children in fear of how their friends and acquaintances will look at them. Sure religion may build that environment...but in the end it's parents abandoning us out of embarrassment for what we are.

Anyways, that's not important...what's important is that Emily's not really in the greatest place in the world right now, so...help please? I don't know how :/

Yeah...:/ I don't know either. I mean she can come live with me but she'd have no prospects here so... not so helpful...

[BreezyB]

Hi Emily

Being trans comes with some big challenges, and I do feel for you in your current situation.

But I will say this: if you know yourself and show both internal and external strength, it will give you a huge advantage.  Grow that strength inside you and be ready to show it.   

You're on a journey now that is scary and fun, and honey, you are pretty and young enough for you to make your life a great success...but you will need that personal strength in order to do it!

Being trans requires planning: plan for the worst and act for the best.  Plan for how you tell your mother; plan for what might happen if your sister tells your mother; plan, plan plan!  So, as a practical example, plan to have a place to stay if you feel you need to step out of home for a few days - stay at a friend.   Plan to finish school and go on to become a lawyer or something aspirational.  It's all in your hands.  And surround yourself with kind people - the rest aren't worth the space, time or energy!

I can't emphasise this enough: you can either be an actor in the movie of your life, or you can be the actor AND director.  You choose...

Does some of this make sense, Emily? 

Big hugs
Julia

Very sound advice Julia, I toyally agree.

Emily, as things have progressed somewhat more rapidly than hoped, you may want to move a little quicker on your plans. Try to focus first on the things that will affect you directly, personal safety, somewhere to stay and access to a therapist. You'll get through this but we have embarked on a journey that's full of challenges and triumphs. If you can not let either affect you too much, it's easier to keep a cool head and stay focussed.

[Emily1996]

No its a mix my dad is catholic (Even though he turned muslim to marry my mom and then back catholic when they divorced) and my mom is just muslim and kind of fundamentalist sometimes.

[Emily1996]

Thanks everyone for their support but I really don't know who I should talk to and I don't have the funds to go to a therapist anymore, and my mom also stole one of my E and spiro prescription I had and I can't do anything about that too. I can't do anything because technically it wasn't my money... I feel like I will get more depression without hrt, that was the only thing that gave me hope

[butterflies]

No its a mix my dad is catholic (Even though he turned muslim to marry my mom and then back catholic when they divorced) and my mom is just muslim and kind of fundamentalist sometimes.

Oh wow I can't imagine that going over well haha. But getting beat up for it would be pretty normal in both a Catholic and a Muslim family though itwould usually be the father.doing it. This is the way things are, I'm not talking hypotheticals because the world we live in is what it is. I'm sorry,I don't know how to help.

[Jo-is-amazing]

I echo what orchid said,no human being should have to go through what you're going through. Reach out in any way you can, it's not your fault it's theirs and you shouldn't have to put up with that.

Reach.out ok?
There must be someone in your life that would at least be concerned about the abuse you're being subjected to, if nothing else

[BreezyB]

I echo what orchid said,no human being should have to go through what you're going through. Reach out in any way you can, it's not your fault it's theirs and you shouldn't have to put up with that.

Reach.out ok?
There must be someone in your life that would at least be concerned about the abuse you're being subjected to, if nothing else

Absolutely Emily, please reach out to someone. Even google youth centres in your area, there must me something. Even a youth help line should be able to at least point you in the right direction.

Now with you prescription medication, if she's withholding that from you, speak to your GP as this has the potential to have significant psychological impacts on a person. Again the youth centre should be able to assist you with getting yourself stable, with your own income and a safe place to stay.

Just don't put yourself at risk

[ImagineKate]

I kind of get where she is coming from. I had many of the same issues in a different way earlier in my life.

The green card issue I get. I am thinking maybe she doesn't have one and is on some sort of temporary status. That basically leaves you at the whim of the Government and your parents. One slip and you can be deported. That said, things aren't what they used to be and there is a lot more mercy towards immigrants, but it's still not perfect. I was threatened with deportation many times by my ex wife as she sponsored my green card before I became a citizen. The good thing is that I knew the laws and didn't put up with much of her BS for very long. I am a citizen today because I stuck through it.

And I think this is what you may need to do.

As much as it sucks, I would say delay the transition a few years. Wait until you've graduated college. This way if your parents decide to make life miserable you don't have to care. Or at the very least wait on the green card. The reason I say this is that as an adult with a green card you are untouchable. They can kick you out but you can find a job and earn your own keep, and do your transition and live your life on your own.

It seemed like you were self medicating (from your youtube videos). I would not advocate self medicating at all. It is a complete dead end unless you have the means and a plan to get help professionally. Worse yet you could kill yourself because you aren't monitoring your levels. Not just E and T but other stuff related to your liver and other essential organs. Hormones can bring on dangerous diseases like diabetes and cause blood clots which can kill you. You want a doctor to catch that early before it's too late.

All the best luck, sweetie! You seem like you will blossom into a beautiful young woman! I do wish you all the best. My PM inbox is open always. I do truly feel your pain but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[KimSails]

Emily,

I would suggest talking with your school guidance councilor.  I would expect that he/she would have some knowledge of how to deal with any abuse you are receiving at home and any local LGBT resources or therapists.  I would think (hope) that they would be able to find a therapist that would be willing to do some pro-bono (free) sessions for a high school student in your situation. You certainly have nothing to lose by talking with the councilor, and it is someone you can see while you are already at school.

I wish you the best.  Let us know how you are doing if you can.

Kim

[Emily1996]

This is the response I got from the LGBT thing in Buffalo...

"Emily,

You are not going to be happy with my response. . . but the fact is that the resources for a homeless teen in WNY are next to non-existent, and for a homeless LGBT teen absolutely non-existent.

In some really big cities there are enough homeless LGBT youth that there are centers to house and support them.  Not so in Buffalo.  The places that do provide shelter are generally faith-based (by denominations that are anti-LGBT) and come with strings attached (rules, space 1st-come/1st served, mandatory activities/services, etc.) and not safe for those who are LGBT.

And, altho my suggestion means being dishonest, the situation doesn't leave any options.

If we were sitting face to face talking, I would ask you what your mother's worst reaction could be to your coming out.  Once you identified that "worst case scenario" I'd ask if you could live with it.  And if you responded "no" then I'd ask you to consider not coming out to her until you get your HS diploma, your college degree and were independent (financially stable).

However, you have already come out to her.  So, that leaves me with suggesting that perhaps you back off.  Yes, it means being dishonest with yourself and with her, but you need her support - at least financially and, it seems, with regard to your green card. 
Perhaps if you do, just live as who she knows you to be, wants you to be, she'll back off some of the abusiveness.  And while you want to be who you know yourself to be, if you don't do well in school - and you won't if she throws you out of the house - and you don't get your green card then where does that leave you?

Sometimes putting off what we want until a better time has advantages. 

Emily, as I stated in the first sentence, this is not the response that you'd hoped for, but it is reality."

[Jo-is-amazing]

You poor poor girl
I just wanna hug you and never let go
You deserve so much love and support, you're such a wonderful young woman
It hurts me to see the world being so cruel to you

As sad and as painful as it is, the letter's right
As it stands right now you may need to go back in the closet
You Poor wonderful little girl

[BreezyB]

Emily, you don't have to 'go back in the closet'. It depends what you mean by that also. So I am assuming you are not living full time? In a perfect world we all get our way all of the time. But that is not realistic. At the moment you are dependent on your parents. You've an option to change that, however it sounds like the available support is limited.

And so the remaining option is to stay with your parents. So why not stay on HRT, whilst also giving your mom what she wants? I mean it would make your life a lot easier. And whilst your dependent on her, her rules are what need to be followed, if your to have some peace at home I mean.

So what I'm saying is you may not be able to have the perfect situation, but you don't exactly have to stop what your doing. Do things a little more covertly until your able to support yourself.

I'll give you an example; so I work in a job that I have not come out at yet. If I was to walk in there tomorrow in a dress, well I don't think I would be working there too much longer. However I'm still growing my hair, I'm still on HRT, and I still do everything I would if I was living full time. Only difference is I have to dress as a boy. Not ideal, but it's what I have to do right now.

A lot of it is about perspective Emily. Lose perspective and things can be a lot harder than they need to be.just try thinking about how you can still get what you want, whilst keeping your mom happy.

Hugs,
Bree

[ImagineKate]

I think the advice they gave is sound. Sad to say your safety and immigration status is the most important thing right now. It will only be a few years and when that is over with you will be completely free.

I'm not sure about HRT. If you can keep a low dose or even blockers to keep the T at bay that would buy you time. If you go full transition the worst thing is your mom will see that you disobeyed her and it won't end well. So decide that and see.

[Emily1996]

It's not just hrt, it's even small things like clothes, I wish I could wear some andro clothes at least or be able to grow my hair longer... I mean some cis guy have longer hair too. But I just can't have anything that makes me happy. Now I think I'll need to stop making youtube videos too, because my sister knows about that too, and she will see if I dress up for a new video, etc... It just makes me so sad. When I started hrt now its almost 2 months, I had hope for a brighter and happier future and now everything is gone. But again thanks for everyone reading and caring. You're really nice people!

[trapsouldoor]

I'm sorry to hear things have taken such a turn, Emily. Please hang in there and try not to forget that even though it's not fair that things have to be put on hold, that you're on the brink of adulthood and will one day (sooner than you think) be able to make these decisions for yourself.

[ImagineKate]

I'm just wondering, how long will it take you to get a green card?

Feel free to PM me if you aren't comfortable making that public.