Quote from: jeminajay on November 29, 2014, 01:31:41 AM
Thank you so much, StevieAK, JoanneB and Cynthia,
For the point that if I am TG or not, it's clear to my mind that I am happy to see myself as a woman. This feeling started since I was 10. I dream of being a girl. When I get into teenage, I day dreamed about being a sexy girl having sex with man. I have pressed deeply inside with fear of expressing it. The first time I started cross dressing released 'her' out and she never want to go back. I agree with JoanneB that guilty came because of hiding. But the desire to get dressed never go away. The day dream of being a sexy girl has gone after I took hormone. I only dream about being a woman as 'myself' - sexy or ugly I don't care.
As Cynthia pointed out, trans love their family. I think so too. But I could not imagine how would we stay together with me as a TG. I do not really need SRS but becoming a woman husband is not accepted by my wife. My daughter seems to be okay. She is 4 YO and ask me often; "Are you male or female... If you want to be a female you need to get a longer hair." Looking into the future, if I go fulltime , my daughter should accept me well. The relationship with my wife, I don't know.
Spouses are often not all that happy about transitioning. In my case, my wife knew over 30 years ago I had gender issues, knew I cross-dressed, and over time eventually stayed around the house that 1 day a month or so when I just
Had to. Over time even that I put a stop to out of guilt, there were just way too many other "important" things I should have been doing instead of indulging myself. Plus, although my wife was sort of OK with it, I knew it still bothered her to see me as Joanne.
Almost 7 years ago I dropped the T-Bomb on my wife. I was working and living 350 miles from home. I had too much free time. My life was in the sewer. I knew I had to take on being trans, for real. I found a local support group. It changed my life. I started HRT, again. I've been on/off low dose HRT several times over 30-40 years as an emotional reset. I got that reset again. With all the hard work I was putting into examining myself, my life, learning new ways to think of myself and to act, I grew more and more as a person.
Then, a little over a year ago more miracles began to happen. I got the chance to take my dream job back close to home. I could be there for my wife, who is partially disabled. But, it also meant big changes for me since where we live is not TG friendly. It took a few months of us living back together again for her to fully realize how much better of a person I am growing into. It took even longer for her to even consider taking the chance of staying together if I go part-time again or even full-time. It has taken almost 2 years for her to truly believe I do love her and want her in my life, that I don't intend to toss her aside if/when I take things further. Our love for eachother plus our deep desire not to stand between our partners happiness has helped a lot to keep us together.
Life is about growing. First physically, then later as a person. Being trans we don't want to think about ourselves, it is too scary, it is too painful. We try to live up to a role. Transition means "to change". Hopefully not mere appearance but also in how we think and feel about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves is reflected in how the rest of the world sees us. My wife saw how I had changed for the worse over the many years together. Today, she is happy to see how I have grown and am becoming the person she always saw the potential I could be. Sure, the packaging may also be changing some too. Yet, she too is growing.
