Afraid of therapy

[Brenda E]

So how is that working out for you?

Ignoring the slightly obtuse undertone of your question, therapy saved my life.

Therapy works.  Not the old-fashioned therapy you struggled with decades ago; modern-day counseling is a far different beast, and, as you mention yourself, it's nothing more than a process of talking to:

someone you can trust and tell them the truth.  No BS.  Just the simple truth as you understand it.  They are not you.  They do not  have the answers.  The "answers" are within you.  If they are skillful and you are completely honest with yourself, you might be able to muddle your way through this.

[Susan522]

Ignoring the slightly obtuse undertone of your question, therapy saved my life.

Therapy works.  Not the old-fashioned therapy you struggled with decades ago; modern-day counseling is a far different beast, and, as you mention yourself, it's nothing more than a process of talking to: 
Quote from: Susan522
someone you can trust and tell them the truth.  No BS.  Just the simple truth as you understand it.  They are not you.  They do not  have the answers.  The "answers" are within you.  If they are skillful and you are completely honest with yourself, you might be able to muddle your way through this.

Well this is good to know.  It just seems that as others on this thread have pointed out, some just

go to therapist to rubber stamp them, get the CYA letter for hormones, and move on.

I think this is called' informed consent'.  I call it 'enabling'.  Knowing who you are shouldn't require "therapy".  It is a sad comment on todays world that one cannot simply sit down and figure things out for oneself.  Maybe I am being too harsh, but it just sees to me that ultimately the responsibility for one's own well being lies with one's own self, not some "therapist".

[Stephe]

Knowing who you are shouldn't require "therapy".  It is a sad comment on todays world that one cannot simply sit down and figure things out for oneself.  Maybe I am being too harsh, but it just sees to me that ultimately the responsibility for one's own well being lies with one's own self, not some "therapist".

I'm not going to judge other people or what they may need, I personally got nothing out of the therapy I was forced to go to for my HRT letter. It felt to me like someone milking the trans community out of billable hours, as many as they could drag it out to be. A gatekeeper role. Other people seem to get a lot out of therapy, just as some people really seem to need a "support group", something I had zero interest in. Thank God a support group wasn't required for my HRT letter.

But in my case I had been living full time and also working as a woman for several years prior to looking for a HRT letter ,which -should- have excluded a need for 3 months of weekly therapy to get a letter...

[Brenda E]

Well this is good to know.  It just seems that as others on this thread have pointed out, some just
I think this is called' informed consent'.  I call it 'enabling'.  Knowing who you are shouldn't require "therapy".  It is a sad comment on todays world that one cannot simply sit down and figure things out for oneself.  Maybe I am being too harsh, but it just sees to me that ultimately the responsibility for one's own well being lies with one's own self, not some "therapist".

Changing one's gender is a big deal; probably the biggest deal in one's entire life.  As this site shows, there's plenty of people who struggle with their identity for many years and the depression and associated mental issues such repression causes; plenty of people who don't understand their options and need professional guidance; plenty of people who have nobody safe to talk to because society is still a dangerous place for many trans people; plenty of people who don't realize the enormous consequences of coming out; plenty who are just badly-informed; and plenty who - unfortunately - don't come out on the other side happier, healthier, or even alive.

Therapists who still play either "healer" or "gatekeeper" - they are relics from a prior time and should be avoided.  If your therapist wants to rack up a large bill by withholding required letters, move on; same for a therapist who claims to be able to make transgender feelings evaporate.  Sadly, while the profession is generally honorable, there are still some dishonest members.

While some seem to breeze through the entire process from start to finish with no issues whatsoever, I think they're the minority.  For some who go it alone, they'd make far fewer wrong turns if they had an experienced therapist on their side.

I absolutely agree that one's own well-being lies with oneself.  When all is said and done, nobody but you can determine who you actually are.  But for many, it's a far more complicated, confusing, stressful process than for others, and a helping hand can focus those whose minds are racing in a thousand different directions at once.  Determining one's gender can also be a lonely process, and company along the way is often appreciated.

If someone wants or needs therapy, then so be it.  Therapy works for many people.  If someone doesn't want it or doesn't need it, that's awesome too.  But therapy isn't bull->-bleeped-<-, and good gender therapists are in no way snake oil salespeople.

That said...

I think our definitions of the word "therapy" are not in sync.  When I talk about therapy, I think I'm talking about what you would refer to as "counseling."

You might have inadvertently highlighted something I'm going to give more thought to: I may stop using the words "therapy" and "therapist", because for many it seems to carry such negative connotations; gatekeeping, nightmarish reparative sessions, repression, shame, etc.  Perhaps it would be more productive for me, going forward, to use the words "counselor" and "counseling" instead, words which are not associated with a history of anti-trans attitudes and a sense that being trans means being broken and disgusting.

[jasellebelle]

Well this is good to know.  It just seems that as others on this thread have pointed out, some just
I think this is called' informed consent'.  I call it 'enabling'.  Knowing who you are shouldn't require "therapy".  It is a sad comment on todays world that one cannot simply sit down and figure things out for oneself.  Maybe I am being too harsh, but it just sees to me that ultimately the responsibility for one's own well being lies with one's own self, not some "therapist".

I am perplexed by your assumption that people should "figure things out [themselves]" given the fact that this is not a simple decision in one's life; as if it is an easy determination as if we are discussing which hair style we should change to. I mean this is gender we are talking about. Being in a confused state of mind over something so serious is the least point in time that I want to not seek help of others.

Did we all not seek guidance on this very site? Seeking the advice of others is typical and healthy in my opinion. How you interpret and act on the advice given is then the "responsibility for ones well being" as you put it. There is nothing wrong with seeing a professional in my eyes, especially for something as serious and complex as gender.

As I begin to learn more and more about transgender, I realize the suicide rate is very high due to the fact that people are far beyond lost in their lives and feel they have nowhere to turn for help. Psychologists (or therapists) improve and save lives with the chance to discover who we really are as a people.

Maybe you are a very independent person, idk ,but it doesnt hurt to let people in your thoughts and help you when you mostly need it. 

[Julia-Madrid]

Jsellebelle & Susan

"Knowing who you are shouldn't require "therapy"".  Let's discuss.

I certainly envy, to some degree, people who were always so certain about their gender that they didn't need help to figure themselves out.  But many of us were not innately aware of the wrongness of our birth gender, and the righness of the other gender, from an eary age. 

Gender is something of a continuum, and some of us find ourselves stuck along the way, or worse, continually moving around some point on the continuum.  This can be as horribly disconcerting to us - the urges that Jasellebelle spoke of in some other post - as it is for others to live every second in the wrong gender.

@Susan, perhaps you never had this level of denial; a lot of us did.  Huge amounts, brought on by a combination of society, religious and self-imposed pressures.  Some of us have had to deal with the massive contradictions of putting on a suit to go to work, being a man, and then, during our contemplative time at home, wishing for a vagina, a husband, and heaven knows what else.  This breeds huge confusion.  Am I a boy, a girl, or seriously mentally ill?

To "figure things out for oneself" in such a case is no more possible than it is to take a kitchen knife to ourselfves because we beleve we can fix that kidney stone by ourselves.

An imperfect analogy:  many companies hire management consultants.  The executives know that something is wrong, but, from where they stand, they simply cannot see the wood for the trees.  A complex interplay of forces may make it virtually impossible for an insider to get to the nub of the problem, and that's often how it is for us.  Yes, the role of a therapist is somewhat different, as advocacy should be minimal, but I think you get my point.

@Jasellebelle: so that you understand that realisation does not necessariy lead one inexorably to transition: I was a strange kid.  Those "urges" you talked about.  At 25 I had some type of gender/orientation breakdown (yes, both, simultaneously) and did my therapy - 18 months of it.  I realised who and what I was. I would never have reached this realisation in a careful and controlled way had I not spent time with a therapist.  I then did nothing about it for 20 years, got married, willingly, and would not have done anything about it, ever.  This post is not the place to explain what lead me to decide to transition - PM me if you want to know more - but the point is that for me, remaining in my birth gender was an option.

Regards
Julia

[Cindy]

I will say two things.

One I have had enough of Susan522's attitudes to members and to my staff. She is no longer involved with the forum.

Secondly I shall say what my therapist said the day I first met him. I asked if he could help me be a man. I told him my life would be so much easier if I did identify as male. He was very kind "I can change your body to match your gender, I cannot change your brain to match it"

I may have been male identified at birth, but I was born a woman.

Now I live as me and I am finally content in my gender identity. A very happy woman.