Figured I'd post here for sharing purposes, I've not had to bad a time coming out but I'm terrifically shy and always worry about making people feel bad about correcting pronouns.
I'm FTM mostly, though I'm fairly genderfluid. I feel primarily gay man, but I am pansexual and am occasionally attracted to females and those of non-binary genders and orientations. Currently a bit asexual while I figure things out, I really like ME time and keep busy with a lot, so finding a partner of any kind is not a huge priority either. That said, I've had many people say I'm attractive no matter what- while I live in a fairly queer friendly place I just want to express to anyone that it doesn't matter if you're different or non binary- there are people out there that will be attracted to you and your body is awesome and people can accept that you may change over time. Some people aren't able to handle that or just aren't into men/women/non binary and you should try to not let it bother you! No one is perfect- many times people's views and tastes can change as life goes on
There are many straight cis people who have never been on dates/had sex/wanted to have sex or a relationship and you're no stranger than many of the world's "average" cis people! I find my own labels for myself don't always fit or feel right some days, so there's nothing wrong with needing to shift perceptions or feeling comfortable with yourself without labels too...
The first people I really came out to were my therapist and my lesbian sort of genderfluid roommate. She doesn't really claim to be any particular gender but she mostly settles with lesbian because she is pretty content with being female bodied and sort of neutral minded. She was one of the first people I knew to really talk much about feeling non-cis and we both agreed that we felt like gay men trapped in women's bodies to some degree or another and she got me into yaoi- anime stories featuring guys in relationships and I thought I was happy with that as a personal fantasy. When it stopped being as good I started to get really depressed and disphoric. I liked having a boyfriend and mostly enjoyed sex, just not feeling like a girl in either situation! After we broke up and I got let go from my PT job I realized it was time to just 'man up' as it were, and go see a therapist. I called a local clinic that had low cost transgender treatment and was almost overwhelmed by how urgent they seemed to treat my call. I needed a couple weeks to go in, dealing with the depression of feeling useless without a job and not sure if this was right for me. The physician assistant was very nice and helpful, he explained a lot of things i already knew and answered questions I had that I hadn't been able to answer. Every visit, it seemed like someone needed to remind me that T doesn't prevent pregnancy or STDs. I'm mentioning this because it seems some transmen are very triggered by this. You can ask a clinic or receptionist to make a note in your file that this has been covered. It may not stop them from reminding you. Keep in mind many offices see a very large number of ignorant people. Not that it's bad- they just literally- do not know anything about safe sex, preventing or bringing about pregnancy, or how to protect themselves from STDs. In America, even in California, there are tons of people of all ages and gender spectrum that don't know much about the basics of sex ed. In some places, they may be required BY LAW to tell every patient something everytime they see them. They don't want to be sued, but foremost, they don't WANT to see you get HepC or suffer from immense disphoria by getting pregnant unintentionally! So just be prepared to be asked some fairly personal questions. You can say you aren't sure or don't want to answer. Doctors see all kinds of people in all kinds of situations and generally aren't going to judge you over basic lifestyle things if they are compassionate and well educated in different walks of life. If you smoke, they will bother you about that, overweight, they will ask about it. If you feel things step over a line, it's good to write it down or ask to see another physician.
My therapist was recommended by the office, though they had many people I knew of her vaguely from her classes at the university on human sexuality. She was very helpful, professional and friendly. She also challenged a lot of things I said and was occasionally blunt to the point of upsetting me a little. Her job was to ensure that I did not jump into anything too soon (for my own comfort levels, not hers) and treat other problems I had been having- specifically anxiety and worrying. I had more issues controlling my anxiety than I had problems with any transgender issues that came up. It was very good overall- almost every session I either felt like I had made progress or learned something to help me be less anxious, as well as prepared for the kinds of treatments I would be undertaking with hormones and surgery planning.
I came out to my parents a couple years ago. I'm a big wuss, so I emailed them both because it's easier for me to write what I need to express versus over the phone. I know some might think that it should be a face to face thing but I wasn't emotionally prepared to handle questions at the time! I also knew my dad had worked with a MTF lady working for the California prison system- he was a warden for years and moved up to office work. My mom actually didn't really understand what it meant and he had to explain to her what FTM was, even though I had sent a few basic sites and a fairly detailed explanation. My dad emailed back basically saying they love me no matter what and it was a giant relief and made me feel stupid for even worrying.
I had already graduated college, but I had heard from a few sources that if your parents are supporting you and you aren't sure of continued support after you come out, to be prepared to get cut off or consider delaying bigger changes until you can take care of yourself. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. I know that sounds terribly grim, but it can happen to those who even don't expect it. I wasn't sure what to expect but it was really nice to not worry finally.
I came out to a very cool manager at work, I'd previously spoke with one of my coworkers but no one else. She had been the only person with any discretion and I trusted her not to blab. After she left the job it was a little lonely, but we got a new manager who was very interested in his employees and working to improve our situations inspite of how many different things needed to be done. His biggest concern was whether I thought I had either been harassed or thought I might become a target. Another minor issue was he assumed I was MTF and I didn't want to correct him, at the time I still hadn't informed my day to day coworkers and did not want to be unintentionally outed just then. I later emailed to explain the mistake as I work on weekends and he often was not able to make it in 7 days a week, understandably!
I have gotten all my work info changed and updated- they took copies of everything from driver ID, birth cert, and social security card and verified with all the government agencies that everything was correct. That was actually fairly easy, I only needed to contact an IT person to alter my email to my new name, otherwise they handled everything else.
I still need to talk with a few other people that work weekends, it's a really big place and everyone works different shifts. As I will be out in the fall (fingers crossed) for top surgery, I am hoping I can be less of a coward and just talk to the random people I see every now and then to explain and ask for male pronouns when they talk about me... otherwise things went pretty well. I can answer questions regarding the state of California, most of the changes with legal paperwork was tedious but not hard! You can also ask for many fees to be waived if you are low income. Prepare to prove it with more paperwork and info to send in!
