Hi everyone,
I'm new here and just wanted to say hello. I'm 42 years old and just recently came out to my wife. For as long as I can remember I have been having feelings that I should have been born a girl. These feelings would come and go over the years. As I got older, and these feelings would surface, I would get very angry with myself and feel very ashamed and try to bury these feelings deep down never to see the light again. I have not been successful, because these feelings keep returning and it becomes harder and harder to suppress them.
Well now they are back again and I don't think I can make them go away. They seem to be here to stay. It is very confusing for me. I don't know if I am male or female. I know what I see n the mirror, but that doesn't feel like it is me. It is completely screwing with my sanity. I just started swing a therapist which is helping. (It's not a gender therapist, I am currently on a 3 month waiting list for that).
The thing that bothers me the most is what this news is doing to my wife. She is having trouble understanding, but she is trying and is being supportive and loving. Even though she hasn't said it, she is questioning whether she is now a lesbian and she is concerned at how far I want to go regarding to transitioning. I can't help worrying that I am the cause of all her worries. The last thing I want to do is cause her any form of heartache and pain.
Sorry that my introduction turned into a rant of my problems. I started reading some of the posts on this forum section for significant others. I started crying reading what partners go through. I have no right to do that to anybody, especially my wife who I love more than anything. I wish there would be some match pill to make these feelings go away once and for all and turn me into a "normal" guy.
Well that was some introduction! I apologise once again, but I really needed to vent that out.
Jayne
