Hi everyone,

I'm new here and just wanted to say hello. I'm 42 years old and just recently came out to my wife. For as long as I can remember I have been having feelings that I should have been born a girl. These feelings would come and go over the years. As I got older, and these feelings would surface, I would get very angry with myself and feel very ashamed and try to bury these feelings deep down never to see the light again. I have not been successful, because these feelings keep returning and it becomes harder and harder to suppress them.

Well now they are back again and I don't think I can make them go away. They seem to be here to stay. It is very confusing for me. I don't know if I am male or female. I know what I see n the mirror, but that doesn't feel like it is me. It is completely screwing with my sanity. I just started swing a therapist which is helping. (It's not a gender therapist, I am currently on a 3 month waiting list for that).

The thing that bothers me the most is what this news is doing to my wife. She is having trouble understanding, but she is trying and is being supportive and loving. Even though she hasn't said it, she is questioning whether she is now a lesbian and she is concerned at how far I want to go regarding to transitioning. I can't help worrying that I am the cause of all her worries. The last thing I want to do is cause her any form of heartache and pain.

Sorry that my introduction turned into a rant of my problems. I started reading some of the posts on this forum section for significant others. I started crying reading what partners go through. I have no right to do that to anybody, especially my wife who I love more than anything. I wish there would be some match pill to make these feelings go away once and for all and turn me into a "normal" guy.

Well that was some introduction! I apologise once again, but I really needed to vent that out.

Jayne

Hi Jayne, welcome to Susan's. Sorry that your wife is having a hard to time handling all of this. It's understandable  considering it' so much to wrap our own heads around sometimes they struggle even more than we do. Communication between you and your wife is the key at this point because things can work out as many around her have proven. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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Hi Jayne 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

A big warm welcome to Susan's Jayne...

From Aussie too, Western Sydney... 

Hang in there with your wife.... its not uncommon, that is one of the things that's held me back, but in conversation about others (a friend of mine) it came up time and time again... Its difficult for folks, especially those close to us to process the change and what it means to them...

Would be good you and her in therapy together, maybe? just throwing it out there.

Haa the Intro is fine xx

Look forward to seeing you around the forum's...

L Katy 

Welcome to the forums fellow Aussie, hope you find some answers

Hi Jayne, welcome to Susan's from another Sydney-sider... there are quite a few of us here as you might soon discover!

I hope that your wife can continue to stay by your side. The thing to keep in mind is that while she may love you very much she may not be able to change her sexual orientation, if she's really into men sexually it will cause her issues. The best course is to keep an open line of communication, possibly the two of you might benefit from counselling as she will need to come along for the ride one way or another.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I am also from Western Sydney. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. I was on another forum which is great, but most people are from the USA and UK. I was beginning to think I was the only one in Australia.

I'm trying to take it slowly with my wife. I don't want to completely freak her out all at once. I'm trying to figure out what it is that I want/need. So it one of makes it hard to tell my wife everything when I don't even know myself. She is an amazing person though and I love her dearly. She doesn't treat me any different now than before I came out to her. I am truly blessed to have her by my side.

I have been to a few therapy sessions myself. This therapist doesn't have any prior experience with gender issues, but he s helping me until I can move up the waiting list to see a gender therapist.

Jayne

Hi Jayne,

Welcome to the Forum, yes the place is awash with Sydneysiders! Must be something to do with the waft from the Harbor.

Luckily there are also people from South Australia to increase the IQ of the Forum.

<I shall now go into hiding >