How uncomfortable are you around cis-folk of your physical birth gender?

[katrinaw]

Always more comfortable amongst women folk... just have always fitted in better.

Like other I was the only "girl" as far as I knew, in an all boys secondary education school and took the brunt of that!

L Katy 

[Sammy]

Well, it depends on several factors.
Do I know them or they are complete strangers?
How many of them are there?
What is their social background (class, to keep it simple).

If there is one or two and I know or just am acquainted with one of them, that's quite ok. In fact, if there is only one guy, and he is kind of distant aquaintance and does not know about my background (I realised there are a couple of male co-workers in the same building whom I dont often bump into and they think I am a female colleague), then it's very much ok too. I can handle it and it's "male-female" interaction.
If there are many of them, and they have no clue about my background then for some strange reason it becomes almost physically difficult - almost like an acute innate feeling of "me -  them".
And if they are complete strangers, there is a pack of them on the street, then I tend to stay as far away of them as possible.

[DanielleA]

In general I feel insecure around most men. Every now and then I will hit it off with one or two of them. If the conversations are about things I might be interested in, then I will join in regardless of the gendered people I am talking to.

[Andre87]

Both is fine.I just feel (not uncomfortable but) bored when people start talking about sex,or gossip about someone in sexual way.So far it seemed somewhat easier to establish mind connection with boys(geeky types)..

[Tessa James]

This can work both ways.  A friend for many years was surprised by my coming out and then he said; "it makes sense cause I don't get along with most guys but I did get along with you, shoulda guessed you were more of a girl"

[Gothic Dandy]

For me it depends because I hang around a lot of very different cisfemales. The more androgynous they are, the more comfortable I am around them. I'm most uncomfortable around the ones who are very girly, either in their interests, mannerisms, or the way they relate to others.

And it's not the fact that they're girly--it's just that these things are so alien to me. Like, women have this secret language full of subtext and hints that I just don't get. And then if you don't get it, they get offended.

There is also the whole "one-upping" thing, like there is a competition of who is more feminine than the rest. You have to do your makeup well and dress well, and it's not a matter of impressing men, it's about outdoing each other, because you don't want to be "that girl" who looks unkempt or frumpy.

Other times they include me in their man-bashing because they view me as a woman, a team member who will get the jokes, and I hate it because I identify with men. It hurts.

But if they're androgynous, lgbt, or alternative/underground type women, then it's ok because they're not as socially conditioned, and they're easier for me personally to relate to.

[CaptainAFAB]

I'm not uncomfortable around women at all. I love women and strive to be the best womanist ally that I can be. Although I identify as male, I'm mostly uncomfortable around cismen if anything. I don't pass yet, so when cismen find out I'm trans they act super weird -- like this immature mix of competitive and patronizing, I guess?

Basically death to the patriarchy and all its petty minions is where I stand.

[Katelyn]

Well, unless the guy is handsome, sweet, and charming, I generally don't feel comfortable with men.  Maybe gay guys that are not gender conforming.  People who are closer to me, I feel most comfortable, which could be more feminine guys and genderqueer people and lesbian women when I'm in drab, and moderately feminine women when I'm dressed (too feminine makes me feel inadequately feminine.)

[foosnark]

I'm uncomfortable around people! Doesnt matter if man or woman, cis or trans.

I get that, I'm socially anxious.  I think I am at my most uncomfortable when people are behaving in stereotypically binary ways.  It's a bit worse with men because of the expectation that I'm a part of it, though. 

My best friends tend to be people who -- even if they don't identify themselves as non-binary per se -- acknowledge some distance from the gender role and identity that society says they should have.

[lost._.at._.sea]

I'm uncomfortable around people! Doesnt matter if man or woman, cis or trans.

I can understand that. I feel like I'm always trying to prove my gender. When people misgender me, that makes me uncomfortable. But, I'm not sure if it's more around women. I just revert to the mentality that I'm a male spy whose undercover as a girl to make myself feel better. 

Sometimes I get the feeling that my overweight female roommate resents me for being trans... like she thinks I'm "wasting my thin feminine figure" or something. It makes me uncomfortable around her specifically because she's probably thinking, "Don't do that to yourself."

[April41]

I'm not just uncomfortable around men, but, this is going to sound terrible, it's not just about how they identify, but how they interact with me. I met a transgender girl one time that my brain kept telling me "male male male". I didn't gender her as male openly, but I got that social discomfort from her I get when interacting with males.

[Gyps]

It depends on who I'm surrounded by.

Generally, I make it a point to associate with open minded, accepting, intelligent people with like-minded interests.  Therefore, I try my best not to put myself in a situation where I'm surrounded by or associating with heterosexist, close-minded people.

As for comfort in general, I wouldn't say I'm uncomfortable if they're not giving me a problem.  If anything, I just accept people for being themselves and being true to their nature.

[cjsnow1]

As far as an answer to the question is concerned, I would say I'm slightly uncomfortable with the social stigmas which seem to permeate certain social viewpoints of masculinity; Also, I'm uncomfortable with individuals whom frown upon gender non-conforming and/or transgender individuals.

On a further note, I don't try to base my comfortableness of individuals solely on their gender, but more so by the way they choose to interact with others and their openness and/or agreeableness on certain principles/ideas.

[Janus]

I generally try to give it a go, and be comfortable, around cis people of my birth gender (f,) but the conversation usually seems to drift toward standard gender-specific things that don't feel relateable to me. granted, i usually have a fairly femme presentation (androgynous for the most part) but am generally taken for a cis female. it leads to the side "oh, you know how guys are, etc"-type convo, which alienates me. I usually try to change the subject to something that anyone could find enjoyable, but no, i do not generally feel like i fit in.

[Allison Wunderland]

Men's locker rooms . . .

We got chronically/long-term sexually abused, by a male uncle. Penis looks like a tumor. The whole "male" thing freaks me out (threatening, sex abuse). And we realize this is not a normal experience.

Being male, and male sexuality (aggressive/dominant) is alienating, intrusive, threatening for me.

Sex is scary/traumatic -- We get VA disability for PTSD, "childhood sexual abuse" -- That said, we like women. Wish we were born female. Fixated on the female form (because being male is threatening!), and so I often need to explain to women that I'm not leering at them, not lecherous . . .

I'M ENVIOUS ! ! ! 


Not necessarily fixated about "passing" as female. Instead, I just work/focus on "authentic" and "being me." Working on some anti-androgen meds -- get the [intrusive, threatening, male] libido under control. Grow my hair to my butt, earrrings, unisex dressing like the cis-women locally (recreational casual).

Cis-women, no problems. They treat me like a "sister."

Cis-men, I'm OK so long as it doesn't get out of control crazy macho. A few of them locally simultaneously terrify me and at the same time I feel like "they need to be set straight about how screwed-up their gender presentation is."

Yeah, we understand all the "buzz words" in the trans world . . . like "femme" and "tops/bottoms" . . .

I need to be ME, not interested at 67 to become somebody else (which we can't do in the first place). "Transition" for me implies becoming "somebody else." I realize quite a few of us feel like, "I'm becoming who I really have been all my life."

I understand that feeling. I'm just looking to be authentically me. That said, I don't have a "right answer" for which restroom I use. Both choices are wrong.

[Tristyn]

I am really uncomfortable too. Especially every time I have to let them know  I  would rather be referred to as male instead of female and Phoenix instead of Sparkle.

I get so jealous of being around really muscular, macho guys or seein them on tv whether its a live action thriller or an animated adventure.>.>

I feel covetous because I want what they got in terms of biology. Having a man's mind is not enough for me....as long as I remain in this woman body, I will always feel less than them....I will always feel like a castrated male.

[Jean24]

I guess I have never really been comfortable around men or women. They pretty much all treat me like I'm a guy.

[Torquill]

This topic intrigued me.  I used to be very uncomfortable around women, and noted many times that I had very few friends who were women, and those I had were on the masculine end.  I was always more comfortable with men, though they were the opposite gender.

Now that I'm non-binary, I get along better with women than I ever did before.  I don't feel the pressure to be like them (which always made me feel like a failure), and I can shrug off their attempts to bond with me around girl things.  I also finally have an explanation for why I never felt like I fit in with them, so it no longer makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.  And finally, my masculine side actually finds women attractive, so it's more pleasant to be around at least some of them.

Thanks for making me realize how the dynamics have changed.

--Sam

[Khatru]

I've always felt much safer being with women than men, I could relate to them more, but I've always felt that I had to be like them and it made me a bit uncomfortable, even before I realised I was trans! And when I started realising it I got more uncomfortable of course. Now I'm that I'm more comfortable in my own identity I don't feel this as much any more, sure, we can be very different at times but at least now I don't feel the need to be like them. I still feel safer with women tho.

I'm just glad my group of best friends are of different genders.