Death isn't what you want. You want the pain and turmoil to stop and don't have a way to do it.
Regardless of what some experts say about people that talk about suicide won't do it, that isn't true. Thoughts like that should always be taken seriously.
Twenty six years ago, I was in a very similar situation. I was suicidal, had several attempts, and my father kept telling me I was "as pretty as Cheryl Teigs". His attempts at boosting my self esteem only humiliated me more. One day I just made the decision that I was going to tell my parents and depending on their response, I would either live or die. It was a horrible time in my life. I lived in my car for days on end. Tried to disappear etc.
When I did tell my parents, they accepted it. If anything, they finally knew what was wrong and how to help. I was lucky. Not all parents respond that way. For that reason, you need to get to a therapist ASAP. Please don't ignore your feelings. They are dangerous and you have a lot to give to the world.
One reason why your dysphoria might be so bad now is because you are going through puberty. Seeing the guys go through changes that you wish you were and shunned by the girls because you have no interest in make up or boys.
There are some sites on the web that suggest there is a genetic cause for ->-bleeped-<- and I wish I had kept the sites or written them down. Its not just that the fetus received the wrong hormone, or at least that isn't the entire cause. Look under medical abstracts to find your answers as they are coming from people who are doing research on the problem. Their take on it? surgery is what they recommend. If you can copy some of that down and present it to your parent's, it may help.
You are at a cross road. You need to weigh which is worse, living as you are and not telling your parents or telling them and taking the risk. You may be pleasantly surprised. My parents and grandparents are all conservative and I expected to be kicked out of the house. Instead, my parents and grandparents accepted the fact that I was a transgender. When I told my grandparents, it was through letters because they lived so far away. My grandfather, a quiet, strict but gentle retired Colonel who fought at the battle of the bulge, called the house crying. He didn't know what I was going through and wanted to make sure I was ok. Not at all what I expected.
At any rate, you need to get to a therapist now. If you have to use a suicide hotline, do so, but get yourself into treatment. We don't need to lose more transgenders. Its not your fault. Your brain and body just aren't on the same page. Its not a choice, its a condition that you didn't ask for and had no control over.
Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.
sam1234