Just a little question about ... myself

[xyz]

Hey all =D
havent write something since sometimes. wanted to be away of that forum cauz i tho it could help me to not think about it but ... no...
I just got a question than i cant find the response myself.

Is it normal than sometimes, i wanna be a girl but sometimes i also change my mind and wanna stay a guy ? it last often 3-4 HOURS and i wanna be back a girl..It is always like that .. . i think than i noticed than it happen often when, my gf isnt 'happy' with it  or i dont know, it does it automatically.

When i look a cute girl, i just immagine myself to be her. i dont decide to do it. it do it automatically. Is it dyphoria? yes i see a gender therapist soon ... when my gf is gonna ... be ok ... *_* cauz when i talk a bit about it. she being mad also when she saw me on that forum ..

Now i just think less about it but i am scared. cauz of that reason, it is hard to find a permanent job,career. will i regreat lately? i am 24 years old and dont wanna wait to long for doing transition..
So when it go up and down. ( i think i just wanna be a guy cauz of somes situation, feel bad for my gf, wanna a normal life ect) it is a sign of dysphoria? i think honnestly than if i wasnt with my gf, i would like to be a girl. not 100% sure tho. is it normal? do you think i am transgender? i was thinking about it morning to night everyday before. it stopped since 2 or 3 months but it start to comming back i think ... It is like that since years!

i know than a gender therapist is more qualified for tell me but, i would liek to have somes suggestion./opinion.
thanks you

[Ms Grace]

It's not uncommon to be unsure about some things. Wanting to be a woman for a few hours is a bit different to living your life that way 24/7 however, so it's certainly important to figure that stuff out before you rush into hormones and transition so it's good for you to talk to a therapist like you said.

[Rachel]

I think you need to review how you feel with a gender therapist. You state you want to be a guy because of your girlfriend and it is easier and finding a permanent job. Dysphoria will not go away and most likely will get worse with time.

[suzifrommd]

Is it normal than sometimes, i wanna be a girl but sometimes i also change my mind and wanna stay a guy ?

Yes, completely normal. A lot of trans people feel that way. I certainly did. After all, you've lived your whole life as a male.

It doesn't mean you're not trans.

I asked myself these two questions:

1. How would I feel if I could never act or feel male again? Answer: I could live with it, though it would feel strange.
2. How would I feel if I could never act or feel female again? Answer: Like a part of me had been cut off.

I knew then I was female at the core.

I've been happily transitioned for more than two years now, and I still get the feeling like I'm not really a woman (though I never want to go back to being a man).

I hope this helps.

[mfox]

Also adding this is normal for some people. I had those feelings too when I was easing into transition.  Some people might stay that way, but for me, it was a phase that went away once I finally accepted (and made enough progress) that I could go "full time" and I didn't need to pretend anymore to be male.

[xyz]

thanks all for your reply :

Yes i am planning to see a therapist really soon. think i really need it.
But there is something i forgot to say,

I already did a comming out 2 years ago as a female before i meet my gf cauz i was 101% sure than i was trans. everyone know on my facebook. I remember after telling on facebook i started to cry. Not cauz i regreated it but cauz it was BIG for me.
At this moment, i went Chloe full times, (or almost cauz of job) for a long 3 weeks. I was feeling really good inside.
Not 100% sure if it is cauz i like looking as a girl or cauz i am trans. But i did the big step.

3 weeks later as a woman ,I changed my mind and came back as a guy in 30 sec. i havent think... i think i got scared.. my close friends who were supposed to support me and bla bla ... were hypocrite. after 3 weeks, they were still telling me reasons than we cant chill cauz work , busy or bla bla. Until i see a picture on facebook chilling with my others friends ...
So at this time, i knew than i wasnt welcome anymore. ( friend since i am a 7-8 years old)
So at this time i changed my mind, wanted to be a male. a normal life (got money problems and was shy to apply to a job as a women yet. i wasnt ''ready'' for it. so i started being a guy back...and told to my friends than it was just a phrase cauz i find girls beautiful ect .. lol

After 2 weeks i meeted a girl with who i am still with. she is awesome and really love her. i told to her at 2-3 months of my relation than i was like that. she said than she was accepting it but ofc, wasnt true ...
So i tryed to came out as her but she was different everytime looking me like if she were Sad/mad. so i stopped acting like that cauz it was obvs than she dosnt like it.

*Somes months , my ''dysporia'' is really more present. think all the day about it ...

2 years now, when i talk with her about it , she just tell me than she wont marry a woman but if we have child, it may be different. personally, i dont think so but anywais. she just make me unconfortable so i cant visite that website, cuz she think than it dosnt help me to stay as a guy. ect... Not sure what to do. sometimes i tell mysef than my life would be different without her in a good way but , i never liked a girl like that before so i am scared about doing bad decision.

this is a resume of my life at this moment. maybe you will understand a bit more.

thanks you all your reply. i really appreciate that. nice to hear than i am not alone in that situation. i feel most the time as a girl but not when my gf make me feel like ... she is Sad/mad or make me unconfortable or when i would like a normal life.Continu my carrer in the canadian army as , infantry. it is important for me to have my own kids. I know i want addopt too like 2 but i want also my own kid made by me lol. maybe it dosnt make sense sorry i am french canadian

thanks you for your time

[xyz]

*Sorry, dont want to spam but some people were reading*

I forgot to say than My gf is really jealous of others girls. always been like that. Also when i watch TV.. Like Game of thrones ... who is my favorite tv show .. *_*

Honestly, without knowing myself what i do sometimes, when i look a girl ( she already seen me looking one)
I see her cloths, her shooes,her hair .. when i told her than i dosnt look a girl (when it happen,) it is not for why man look intensely a woman. but cauz i like what she wear. i did an error to say, i like girl jeans. she think now than i look girls ass who is not true. well, not the same way than others ''man'' lol

Now i am just lost. i am not sure if i am really trans or not. dont know if it is my fear and girlfriend who are blocking me or cauz i am not that way. 2 years agos i was 101% sure but not now. i have often headhache cauz of it. already think about it. make me crazy

[Qrachel]

Hi -

See a gender therapist ASAP.  You also might want to take an inventory of what is working and not working so well in your life or something like that.  BTW: You aren't experiencing anything that many of us haven't. 

There's a lot of dissonance around you and thus my suggestion to inventory things a bit - not for right or wrong but for works and what doesn't so much.  The trans journey is going to require you to examine a lot of stuff and everyone of your relationships.  Not doing so is already not an answer for you. A support group would be helpful too as you'll find your circumstances while personal are not all that unique - AND, and it's a but one, hearing others talk about this stuff in person is worth your time in gold.

Take care and keep posting,

R

[Laura_7]

bienvenue 

First I'd say try to relax...

You could have a look here and the links there:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194946.msg1736596.html#msg1736596

Many transgender people learned to adapt from childhood on, kind of trying to adapt to expectations.
Knowing helps. You might try to listen what gives you a good feeling concerning yourself.
With time you will learn more and more to discern what comes from within, and what you'd like.
Of course all within reason.

After you get a bit aquainted with facts you might talk to your girlfriend... possibly together with a gender therapist....
reassuring her, and explaining your feelings... so she is not insecure of you looking at other women...

I'd say read up a little... think a bit about it... ask a few questions...
there is also a chat on susans...

and remember its a journey... stay open to new things...


*hugs*

[xyz]

thanks for your replies
Merci Laura

Thanks both for your good advices. i am going in a big road trop for a long month montreal =? vancouver. Like 3200 miles =D
I will take that oportinity to tell my gf than when i will come back, i would like to see a gender therapist. i need it.
I know a bit how she will react. gonna be scared and bla bla. she already told me than i was selfish one day... i see her a bit differently now. but you are right

Laura, thanks for your usefull link. i all readed it.i will try to see a gender therapist with her. not sure she will want to but i will try.
About when i see girls. well it is rarely. i know she dosnt like it also if i explained than it wasnt ''sexual''.  I just LOVE girl body/cloths. i immagine myself to have it all the time.. make me crazy.
She will always be jealous cauz she dosnt even try to understand.
In 2 years, she didnt learn anything. i tryed to explain here but she just dosnt want to understand and make me feel like ->-bleeped-<-.
Maybe i should just break up? i will know while the road trip.
i know it wouldnt be complicated if she werent in my life cauz i already did the step one time. i could do it a second time. The prob is? LOVE. Love her so damn much also if she has been mean with me alot time. she use my dysphoria agains me when we are ''fighting'' . really not cool