Hi All
I wanted to share my experience over the last year of transition. I'm happy to say that I'm reaching my 6 month on HRT, and I'm about a bit over 2 months living as my authentic self.(i dont like using the word full-time). For years and years I read through forums like this dreaming about transition, and it always seemed so impossible and out of reach. I'm now one of the people that I used to look up to, and admired so much for their courage. Because of that I feel I wanted to give back a little. I know there exists lot of transition roadmaps, but I think doing something personal can help other folks who might be in more of a similar situation to mine. Transition is so unique and personal for everyone, and depending on your background the process can vary greatly.Personally I feel my transition happened pretty quickly, and I'm very happy and proud of myself that I made it this point!
To give you a bit of background on myself. I'm an early 30's transitioner with a wife,a small child (3 years old), a house, and a good paying career. Some say this is probably the trickiest time to transition because you are just sort of starting your adult life, starting a family, settling into a career, etc. I was extremely overwhelmed with all of things in front of me, and transition seems so impossibly out of reach. I had considered transition in my middle 20's but did not have the right support system to go through with it. This time around I relied heavily on my support system. (Therapist, friends, family, co-workers, other trans friends, etc) And in my particular situation I had very little resistance and for the most part my transition went extremely smooth. I contribute this to a number of different factors:
1. Age - I think trying to transition earlier in life would have made much more challenging. If i had done it in my teens, I would have been ill-equipped on multiple levels. Financially, emotionally, mentally. Had I tried it in my 20's I would have still struggled financially, because I did not have the income to support transition. While i was a bit more emotionally mature and more educated and aware of my self in my 20's I struggled with transition because i hadn't truely accepted it. Being in my 30's I was completely independant financially. My family realized I was old enough to make the decisions needed in order to be happy. At this point in my life my family more or less did not care what I do, as long as I'm happy. I think parents can be more difficult when you are younger, and are more likely to be up roadblocks if they don't agree with transition.
2. Money - As sad as it is a successful transition really comes down to having money and lots of it, especially if your genetics aren't working in your favor. As a transwoman in my case, money also plays a huge role in building a new wardrobe, acquiring and experimenting with beauty products, hair removal, medications, and surgeries if needed. I have had no surgeries to date, but have easily spent close to $8000 in the last year alone on the things mentioned. I'm fortunate to have the privilege of being in a good paying career.
3. Genetics - Even in my 30's I'm fortunate enough to have had genetics work in my favor. I feel I pass fairly well, and developed a decent female voice that usually doesn't get me outed on the phone(unless i have a cold! ugh!). I'm very grateful for this and have friends who struggle so I understand the issues with not passing.
LESSONS LEARNED and MYTHS
1. Myth – You're Not transsexual if sexual Aroused from wearing female clothing.
a. I feel that there is too much emphasis placed on a MTF trans person who if they are excited or turned on by wearing female clothing, then they must NOT be transsexual, but a cross-dresser instead. While there are some trans woman who I'm sure are never remotely turned on by wearing female clothing I think its very misleading to tell people that aren't trans if they do get aroused. Keep in mind that prior to transition most of us and our bodies are being fed and running on Testosterone. Add to this that a lot of trans-woman are lesbians and not attracted to men. So remembering how I used to be when I had testosterone running through my veins, its not surprising that dressing up sexy will get you in the "mood". Lets face it even CIS woman can get turned on by themselves when they wear sexy lingerie for a partner. I think it's also common that a lot of trans-woman prior to transition experiment with cross-dressing which typically involves using hyper-feminine/seductive type outfits and not realistic wardrobe items that become more practical once the person lives authentically. I fought my trans feelings for years and years because everyone on the internet told me I wasn't truly trans for getting aroused by certain female clothing. I'm now living proof that even after 6 months of HRT and a huge loss in my libido and sexual arousal, I'm happier than ever, even though I had moments of sexual arousal from early cross dressing moments.
2. Myth- I'll never pass because my "X" body part is too masculine.
a. I see this so much on the forums, where people obsessive over some particular body part. I just want to say I work with a number of cis woman who are 5'10, wear size 10 shoes, have big hands, and even suffer from androgen facial hair, etc. While the sum of all these individual things do push someone's perception of your gender one way or the other, a lot of the gender queues can be addressed with clothing, makeup and hair style, and facial hair removal. If you have the look down, then you're almost there. Voice and how you hold yourself are very important.
3. Myth – I can't transition until I have FFS.
a. For a long time I never thought I could go through with transition unless I had FFS. No one would accept me as female and I would never have the confidence, unless I did these procedures. I think its common that we as trans people tend to have a very warped self-image. When we look in the mirror as transwomen, all we see is male features, and we feel that all other people see is male features on us. This is just not true. And once you start living authentically you will realize this too. Most people are looking at the big picture and overall how you present yourself. They are not scrutinizing your every little feature to sniff out clues. And lets face it, not all women are super attractive in terms of the standard definition of beauty.
4. Lesson: Finish facial hair removal before going full-time.
a. Prior to making my complete transition and living authentically, I had 8 months of laser treatment, and started electrolysis almost simultaneously when I went fulltime. I'm now having to deal with the anxiety of still having some facial hair while trying to live as a female. It's incredibly debilitating to my mental well being. Now every two or three weeks I have to grow out my facial hair for 48 hours for electrolysis. This is painful to do at work, as I present as my female self. My advice is get CLEAR as much as you can so that it's one less thing to worry about after going full time.
5. Lesson: Once the excitement fades, things get normal.
a. Once you go full-time and leading up to your official transition date, there is lots of excitement, and of course if you are a trans-woman the estrogen makes it feel almost euphoric. Even if you are part-time and not "out" at work, you will start having lots of "first-time" experiences and really getting to experience life all over again but in new shoes. It's very true that this is like puberty, its like im living life again for a second time. I'm still getting to experience a lot of new things, however even after two months I'm really starting to just settle in and I can see that the excitement is starting to
subside.It sort of feels like I'm starting to come down from a high, and now its back to regular broadcasting.
6. Lesson: Depression and Loneliness is just as likely to hit after transition, then before.
a. I remember early on I had many bouts of extreme depression and feeling like I was helpless. That started to dissipate as I started making steps to transition. Now some days I just feel generally lonely. I feel like Estrogen has made me require much more human contact, whereas before I used to be fine being a hermit. If you start diving into the dating scene, you may end up feeling very lonely, once you realize your options become very limited.
I know my level of experience pales in comparison to some other folks on these forums, but I hope that somebody finds this useful. It's also very therapeutic for me to share my experiences. Despite my transition being super successful and finding real happiness within myself, I felt it's important to look at some of the tougher parts of transition that I'm sure almost every deals with.
