Feeling Worse after SRS?

[devon14]

I've been RLE for almost two years before my surgery...

I didn't have post surgical regrets and I owe it to two things that happened before surgery. I had two years of RLE because of money issues. In those to year I reached the point where I was living like a woman and had put my male existence behind me. When the time for surgery came, I ask my self would I ever want to leave the life I had been living the last two years and return the the male role. I knew right away that I never would want to be a male again. If you are unsure of the answer to the question, I suggest you give yourself a little more time just living day to day and then in about 6 months ask your self that question again. I am pretty sure given a little time you will remember how much better you felt in RLE than you felt as a male. This is why you continued RLE and the reason why you didn't run from surgery.

[devon14]

Glad to not be alone!

I think it's brave of you to be willing to talk about these feelings. I've felt a lot of the same things, especially in the first two months after surgery. I'm at about three and a half months now. I had a great month or so where I was feeling almost entirely better, I was orgasmic, experiencing little to no pain, able to move around and exercise, etc. Now, I'm developing a problem with granulation tissue that's making it impossible for me to pleasure myself. My doctor says it will go away, just part of the healing process, etc., but it's still hard to deal with. Like you said, big fear of the unknown.

So at low points, I've had some of the same feelings you did - this sense of "what did I do to myself?" "Couldn't I have just dealt with it as it was?" "What if I made a mistake?" And those are horrifying things to think, and they're very hard to talk about with a world that thinks that you should be in a state of bliss right now. But post-surgical depression is common and intense. What everyone seems to say - and I'm deciding to believe this - is to really give it time. Our minds need to get used to our new bodies, and our bodies need time to heal - I mean seriously, when you think about what we went through, of course we don't feel our best for a while.

*hugs* from someone in the same boat as you right now.

[Dena]

I've been RLE for almost two years before my surgery...

It's not some much the length of time but reaching the state of mind where you feel you are living the life of a woman instead of being driven by the desire to become a woman. For me the surgery would put the old life behind me. Had the surgery not been available to me, I would have continued to live as a woman. The surgery should be considered a graduation instead of a goal. I knew before surgery the only thing that would change for me was I could stop wearing a girdle to keep my bits in check. All of my life problems were cleaned up before surgery so none would follow me into my new life. Yes there would be dilation and I lost my job about a month after surgery. There were new problems to deal with but my discomfort with being a male was gone before surgery and they never returned after surgery. I had fear going into surgery but I never had regrets after surgery.

[Serenation]

I'm at four months I had a big cry yesterday, I tire of people saying oh I was perfectly healed and normal at 3 weeks. Like you said it's great clothes fit now and I don't have to worry about freaking people out in emergency rooms etc.

I had really bad genital dysphoria before srs, but the constant attention the vagina takes and the pain, and now just having to deal with the fact this is probably going to take another 8 months of feeling weird nerve stuff. It's really grinding away at me.

hug for you Athena

[estropunk]

Serenation gets it.

I'm so glad that we're actually talking about these things since at least for me, it's really difficult to share with most people who seem to think that I should be all happy and perfect now. It's hard to explain that SRS is wonderful and very difficult all at once. I don't regret it, I'm just very anxious to be all better.

[Squircle]

I have my surgery at the beginning of November, so this thread is really interesting for me. I think it's great that you are all talking about this, because there's nothing worse than feeling like you are alone in experiencing things a certain way.

I actually really struggled after getting a date for surgery, because all of my insecurities about my body suddenly became much more intense. I feel better now, but no one could understand why I was struggling.

Also, after my FFS I experienced very intense post operative depression, because my face either hurt or was numb, and I got a couple of infections. I was totally unprepared for it then so hopefully this time I will be able to recognise it for what it is.

I think it will be a case of time, to get past the pain and the constant maintenance. I hope you all feel more positive soon.

[Dodie]

Serenation gets it.

I'm so glad that we're actually talking about these things since at least for me, it's really difficult to share with most people who seem to think that I should be all happy and perfect now. It's hard to explain that SRS is wonderful and very difficult all at once. I don't regret it, I'm just very anxious to be all better.

I am glad this came up too.. its not unusual to have post OP blues.  I have had FFS and body shaping done and after both I had some blues.  I have SRS in April next year but I would do it now if I could find a qualified Dr. sooner.  I hope you are doing better now.. I came in last on this.. 
One more point, being a woman is harder IMHO than a man.. I kinda miss the dude thing in ways but would never ever go back to that life... so try to think logically.. therapy might be a good idea.. When I tried to not transition my therapist said, lets think logically about this and I will support you either way.. So in my mind I went back to what it was like as a kid.. how my entire life was a lie.. how I suffered every day.. and it helped me...  I am much older than you.. I have a lot of life left to enjoy.. be happy you are you...  You were FT for two years... if it were not right for you I would have assumed you would have not done the surgery in the first place.. 
Dodie  AKA Keri..

[chuufk]

I hope you all feel more positive soon.

Actually, I have never stopped feeling positive about it and I think that is because I went in with the attitude that surgery was going to solve one problem and one problem only.

I have plenty of friends who had GRS before me although they had it down in Brighton with a different surgeon from me (I went to Leeds) but I knew what to expect so I have not had any nasty surprises or anything, but following their experiences via a private FB group allowed us all to participate and learn and share, so I knew the routines

Now, I have only mild discomfort when I sit and I am getting back to my everyday activities, but the overall feeling from "down below" is one of comfort. I cannot believe the difference that even something as simple as walking makes. How did I never notice that "thing" banging away at my legs as I walked? Even the fit of my knickers is so much more comfortable.

Yes - I am have swelling. Yes - I have to dilate. Even so ... what I have now is far better than what I had before.

I'm loving it!

[devon14]

After I've been sorting my emotions more, I feel like I may have a bit of post operative depression due to the immense swelling, bleeding, care, etc. that has been going on with my genitals. Even though they are in a correct state now, they require a ton of attention which bothers me to some extent. I am learning though that this is temporary and will all be over in the months to come. I also attached a lot of grief concerning my ability to make my Fiance happy anymore due to my post operative depression and being afraid of her leaving me. That thought however was a huge distortion and I know wont happen.

I have my surgery at the beginning of November, so this thread is really interesting for me. I think it's great that you are all talking about this, because there's nothing worse than feeling like you are alone in experiencing things a certain way.

I actually really struggled after getting a date for surgery, because all of my insecurities about my body suddenly became much more intense. I feel better now, but no one could understand why I was struggling.

Also, after my FFS I experienced very intense post operative depression, because my face either hurt or was numb, and I got a couple of infections. I was totally unprepared for it then so hopefully this time I will be able to recognise it for what it is.

I think it will be a case of time, to get past the pain and the constant maintenance. I hope you all feel more positive soon.

[Keri]

This is so normal.. I have GRS in February and my therapist went over these feelings with me.. I know to expect it and that may help.. I hope..
Glad your doing so much better.
Keri