Came out to first friend

[kelseygal]

Well, I came out to my very first friend. Hopefully one of many! Though I plan to take things very slow. She was a great help, and I feel relieved to know there is someone in my corner who is rooting for me - someone I can talk to with and in confidence. It was a little awkward at first for me (not at all for her), but I feel the more I talk about it the more comfortable I become in who I am. Being that she came out as a lesbian about 7 years ago, she had some great advice and experience to pass along. I even showed her a picture of myself in full form, and she said she liked my dress and that I looked really happy :thumbsup:

Anyways, on to the next step. I really need to talk with my wife in the next month or so. My friend suggested having the discussion with my therapist as a way to mediate.. Any thoughts? I was initially thinking I would leave a note, make myself scarce for most of the weekend, and then chat with her directly. Maybe I should do a hybrid of the two? I did read the wiki, fwiw, and learned a lot, but still not quite sure of how the mechanics will work out.

Anyways, I am a happy girl!!

K

[Qrachel]

Hi Kelsey:

It's great to have a confidant.  And yes, use your therapist as a resource to prep for the reveal to you wife and close family. 

In my case I was a visible public figure and we planned a great deal of how I would come out.  As life would have and almost always does, the plan went to H___ in a Hand Basket within 24 hours of coming out at work (however, the prep was still helpful!).   I'll never forget reading about my transition in the news paper . . . OMG!!!  I can laugh now   

Rachel

[kelseygal]

Hi Kelsey:

It's great to have a confidant.  And yes, use your therapist as a resource to prep for the reveal to you wife and close family. 

In my case I was a visible public figure and we planned a great deal of how I would come out.  As life would have and almost always does, the plan went to H___ in a Hand Basket within 24 hours of coming out at work (however, the prep was still helpful!).   I'll never forget reading about my transition in the news paper . . . OMG!!!  I can laugh now   

Rachel

Oh, I can't even imagine that added pressure of being in the public eye, that took real courage on your part! And yeah, I always think of planning  as preparation for when the plan falls apart. I've done some research and found a few resources for families, but surprisingly not as many as I thought there would be. I think maybe this is because each unique case is different. I'm hoping to confront the lady of the house in three or four weeks. Either way, after that, I will go get some info from the LGBT center in Santa Cruz - I am pretty sure my therapist will write me whatever I need for medical purposes, but I want to get some more first hand info from the girls around here before next steps.

K

[HollyP]

Kelsey
You are awesome!  And glad you are feeling good about yourself.  YOU are the only one who knows the best time and method for coming out to wife.  All I can say is you should.  I've said it before, it would have saved me a lot of pain if I had been open sooner.  Secrets are relationship killers.  But make sure you think it through, and how she will feel.  Personally I don't think I would like a note, but to each her own.  Good luck, stay strong (and happy!) xo - Holly

[kelseygal]

Kelsey
You are awesome!  And glad you are feeling good about yourself.  YOU are the only one who knows the best time and method for coming out to wife.  All I can say is you should.  I've said it before, it would have saved me a lot of pain if I had been open sooner.  Secrets are relationship killers.  But make sure you think it through, and how she will feel.  Personally I don't think I would like a note, but to each her own.  Good luck, stay strong (and happy!) xo - Holly

Thanks Holly, things have been better already in our relationship with just me knowing this about myself and that I am taking the appropriate steps to change. My wife has noticed the difference, and I think that will work in our favor as we explore what life will look like moving forward. As for the letter, I agree, would much rather be in person, but I don't think with her that will be a good idea. She tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve and has an Irish temper. Once she is in either of those modes all logic and rationality goes out the window.
I plan to leave her some material with the letter and possibly try and coincide my delivery of said letter with an upcoming transgender family support group meeting at the local center. Do you think that would be a good idea or no? Sometimes it is hard to tell.

[HollyP]

As for the letter, I agree, would much rather be in person, but I don't think with her that will be a good idea. She tends to wear her emotions on her sleeve and has an Irish temper. Once she is in either of those modes all logic and rationality goes out the window.

OM! and LOL! I know you know the best delivery method...but have to say I could write this EXACT SENTIMENT!  I am still (quite literally) laughing out loud.  I know just what you mean!!!  Thanks and best of luck, sweet.  Let us know how goes.  xo - Holly