What am I?

[Bella-J]

Hello! My male name is Jener, I'm 18 and in my first semester of college. I can recall for many years having thoughts about feeling like I wasn't supposed to be male, my youngest memory is me having dreams about being a typical beach blonde woman that all the men were attracted to. I've been out as gay for 5 years at this point and through my highschool years I battled with the thought of my gender. For a while I just decided to identify as Agender because of the confusion. I don't know if i'm transgender or something else. I mentally associate myself with femininity and not at all with masculinity. I have no desire to identify as a male but it's what I am full time at the moment. Am I genderqueer or trans? Is there anything inbetween?

[suzifrommd]

Hello! My male name is Jener, I'm 18 and in my first semester of college. I can recall for many years having thoughts about feeling like I wasn't supposed to be male, my youngest memory is me having dreams about being a typical beach blonde woman that all the men were attracted to. I've been out as gay for 5 years at this point and through my highschool years I battled with the thought of my gender. For a while I just decided to identify as Agender because of the confusion. I don't know if i'm transgender or something else. I mentally associate myself with femininity and not at all with masculinity. I have no desire to identify as a male but it's what I am full time at the moment. Am I genderqueer or trans? Is there anything inbetween?

Hi Jener. Welcome to Susan's. 

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As for whether your trans, no one can decide that for you. But you sure sound trans to me.

I know a lot of Female-assigned-at-birth trans people who feel the draw toward being male, but don't want to identify that way. Here are some ways that seem to work for some people:
* Some transition and become feminine men.
* Many identify as non-binary and adopt a presentation and an identity that isn't completely male or completely female.
* Some see themselves as a "demi-girl" a girl in most ways but not in all.

Which of these are right for you? That's something that normally takes a lot of exploration. Many people find it helps to consult a gender therapist. Others try out different presentations to see what feels right.

I learned a lot by posting here and reading other people's posts. We're here to help in whatever way we can.

[Tessa James]

Oh I love a guessing game!!  Just kidding   Welcome to Susans.  Suzi is really full of it,  sound advice that is!

By the time i was a teenager I identified as bisexual but it took me forever to connect the rest of the dots.   During my journey I was a somewhat androgynous person till i finally found my way to transition. 

So smart of you to figure it out at a younger age. 

[Laura_7]

Here at the links are some resources that could help you:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,194986.msg1737439.html#msg1737439

You might ask for counseling, with plannedparenthood or a lgbt center...
or you might look for a good gender therapist...

I'd say take the time you need but keep at it...
and there are many people going through this, you are not the only one...


hugs

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. As you say you don't ID as male, that would eliminate gender fluid. Gender queer indicates you like mixing both genders up and for the same reason this one could be eliminated. We are pretty close to the far end and two options remain. You could still be non binary and just which to live as a woman. I am not exactly sure what the name would be but there are others on the site who live comfortably this way. On the far end is where I am and that's transsexual. For me, noting less than living as a woman with surgery would do. If you are still having difficulty placing yourself, go to youtube and request "the transition channel". This is a series of videos that will allow you to compare what you feel with what you would see in a therapy session. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have on this thread.

[suzifrommd]

I know a lot of Female-assigned-at-birth trans people who feel the draw toward being male, but don't want to identify that way. Here are some ways that seem to work for some people:
* Some transition and become feminine men.
* Many identify as non-binary and adopt a presentation and an identity that isn't completely male or completely female.
* Some see themselves as a "demi-girl" a girl in most ways but not in all.

Sorry for this. I think I misread your post, missed the word "wasn't". I hope some of it helps anyway.

[Bella-J]

Thank you all for your replies, I will definitely be reading these resources and hopefully in due time I will be able to find my true self again.

Much love.

[sparrow]

Am I genderqueer or trans? Is there anything inbetween?

Yes and yes!  There is so much in between!  I'm proud to be manlier, and more feminine, than most people I know!

Personally, I've stopped trying to find out "what" I am.  I'm transgender, and that's enough.  The answer seems to change any time I look to closely... so I've stopped looking!  I dress to be comfortable, where "comfort" includes compassion for my dysphoria.

[doctorinkwell]

Yes and yes!  There is so much in between!  I'm proud to be manlier, and more feminine, than most people I know!

Personally, I've stopped trying to find out "what" I am.  I'm transgender, and that's enough.  The answer seems to change any time I look to closely... so I've stopped looking!  I dress to be comfortable, where "comfort" includes compassion for my dysphoria.

This is a wonderful way to think about it. You are what you are. Labels are sometimes fun to discover and research, but you can ultimately live without them.

I wish you best of luck, hun.

- Sunny