Partner has decided to transition

[SophieSakura]

It's an electric shower so I don't know if that makes a difference, lol, like it heats the water.  But it's a terrible shower and goes really hot and really cold all the time too, haha.  Can't wait to move to a place with a nicer shower.

I was thinking maybe I should firstly start calling her by female pronouns (on here) as part of accepting that she's gonna transition, and getting over her!  Can't in real life yet until she comes out fully.  Unless we're alone together I guess, but we always have the kids around and our 3 year old would be confused.

And secondly let her know that she can just be herself and act girly and hopefully it'll help me to fall out of love with her.  And get over the relationship.  And also make friends with my new co-parent and best girl-friend, haha.

It will probably be hard at times when I'm feeling emotional, so might ask her to reel it in a bit then, unless she's also having a bad day.

[SophieSakura]

Also might start a journal about going through this, just to get all my emotions out with getting in fights with my ex.

[Dena]

If there is something you are uncomfortable with at first ask for space and take it at your own pace. After waiting many years we tend to want everything to happen yesterday and we forget how new this is to others. A gentle reminder is sometimes needed for us to understand how much we are asking.

[SophieSakura]

Yeah it would be a bit much if she completely transitioned really quickly, but that's none of my business really.  I might find it hard to be under the same roof if it happened too quickly is all.  But I think she will take it slowly as she has only come out to a few friends and her parents and sisters, but she hasn't told her parents and sisters that she's definitely transitioning yet.  They'll take a while to get used to that idea.  She is planning to take it quite slowly.

And she has an appointment with a gender therapist in two weeks, yay!  That should help a lot and she should have done it ages ago.  I should have encouraged her more to do it sooner really. 

I hope that will help us to be able to be friends anyway and be around each other.

I wonder how long it usually takes people to start feeling better after a relationship break up.  I hope I start feeling a bit better in a few weeks.

I'm going to tell my best friend soon about the break up and that my ex is transitioning.  That will be interesting lol, I've never even mentioned it to her.  I've told my mother that she's transgender, but will have to tell my family about the break up and transitioning soon too.  I have permission to tell them, and it'll be good for me.  I'm not going to tell the general public yet of course.  Will leave that until my ex is "out". 

My ex is here now anyway and being nice to me.  We've had a good talk and I'm saying that I'm trying to be supportive and get over her, but am very hurt too and devastated.  Just trying to hold it together.   x

[SophieSakura]

She also told me that she bought women's underwear last night and is wearing it.  I reacted calmly and wasn't upset.  So that's progress and I'm starting to accept that we are over, and what underwear she wears is none of my business! 

She also told me that she joined a secret facebook group for trans women and got in contact with a trans woman and I was fine with that, that's a good thing.

But then I got slightly upset that she contacted another trans woman...hmm, I'm all over the place, a rollercoaster of emotions, but then I remembered, she's my ex, she can talk to whomever she wants, whenever she wants.  The weirdest things can get to you sometimes.

[SophieSakura]

I also read this which helped and loads of other things.  I constantly read about trans people to help to try to make me more understanding.  http://www.transgenderlondon.com/grieving_a_cis.htm

[lostconfusedone]

That is a good page with a lot of good information, yet I don't think it covers both sides completely of the grieving process. It does land ball park with the experiences in my relationship and my husband coming out as a woman.

[Ritana]

It is a very difficult situation to be in, for both parties actually. However, I find the idea of announcing to you that she had just purchased new female underwear that she was wearing a bit odd considering what you're going through in your couple.

[SophieSakura]

Ok well just after my telling her how I'm gonna be super supportive and stuff, she had a sore throat so was in a bad mood (fair enough) and was really really mean to me, like really bad.  I definitely cannot do this now or be around her anymore so am not seeing her anymore.  I told her to leave and not come back since I can't handle it.  So that's it.  Thank god. Over.

[SophieSakura]

It is a very difficult situation to be in, for both parties actually. However, I find the idea of announcing to you that she had just purchased new female underwear that she was wearing a bit odd considering what you're going through in your couple.

She just told me to be nice in case I found out and felt like she was hiding stuff from me.

[SophieSakura]

I have finally woken up and am getting the hell away from this relationship.  She is angry, aggressive and mean.  I feel awful for her that she's going through such pain.  But she has even sexually assaulted me three times to ease her own dysphoria (I assume) because she wants to do "lesbian stuff" that I didn't agree with (or was unconscious for).  That's abuse and I'm staying away.  I only stayed because I'm in love or crazy.  But not any more. 

[PrincessButtercup]

I have finally woken up and am getting the hell away from this relationship.  She is angry, aggressive and mean.  I feel awful for her that she's going through such pain.  But she has even sexually assaulted me three times to ease her own dysphoria (I assume) because she wants to do "lesbian stuff" that I didn't agree with (or was unconscious for).  That's abuse and I'm staying away.  I only stayed because I'm in love or crazy.  But not any more.

You don't need that and your kids don't need to be around it. It's time to cut the ties and move on. You need to for your own physical and mental wellbeing.

[Dena]

There is no reason for even one sexual assault much less three. Get as much distance as you need to be safe.