This sounds odd, but I think I finally spent an entire day with the old male persona shut down. All day in what I call 'girl mode', the state of mind where I'm up front running myself instead of trying to pass as male. That may have been the happiest day I've had in decades. (And no, I wasn't even properly dressed much of the day. Just underdressing, and I managed to stay in control in spite of wearing some andro clothing on the outside.)
I know, weird, but I was really happy. Small steps...