Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!

[amberwaves]

Wow you are the adventurous sort with that many piercings.  I just got mine pierced last week.  I tend to be rather conservative in style so I imagine that will probably it for piercings for me.  I haven't gone on a shoe binge yet.  I bought 2 pairs of flats and a pair of modest heels until I learn to walk in them better.  I find myself more drawn to clothes shopping.  I've been behaving myself because we are on a budget.  I did splurge a bit with the tax return buying a new epilator, the laser treatments (beginning on Monday), and a corset to rein in my waist.

I think you need to upload photos to another site, such as imgur, and link them in a post here.  I love hearing about your progress.

[Tasha_]

So... You had none, and now have five? Lol... That happened to me too.... I'm pretty lucky to be able to shop on shoe dazzle,  justfab, and Charlotte Russe, and the first two had good sign up deals, and Charlotte Russe has awesome deals all the time... I went from two pair of work shoes to owning 11 pair of shoes in like 2 months. I love it!!

And I don't even know how to do profile pic.... I'm good on computers but haven't spent much any time in forums, and never joined one.

Shopping is so much more fun as a woman... Sooo many choices, so much cute >-bleeped-<!!!  I really have to use self control as well... I want so much and am on  a budget as well... I don't have nearly as many outfits as I should.... Although I have more fem clothes than men's clothes already. As far as heel height, I don't know if it's because of my profession and hobbies or what, but I jumped into 4" heels and wanted higher. I'm usually wearing 4.5 to 5 inch heels. I have had a hell of a time finding a pair of red heels that I really like AND fall into my budget.

[Tasha_]

So, update.... Figured out the avatar. Guess I should get my wife to take a good pic of me, minus my face for now, so I can put a pic of myself out here...

[SarahElizabeth1981]

hi
I just just like certain piercings. I wanted to get them for a while but kept myself from getting them because they are typically seen as feminine. when i finally decided to get them (not counting ears) it wasn't because they are usually done by women but just because I wanted to. I decided I wasn't going to let what others thought dictate what I would do. Reflecting back that's what got me on the path to where ii am now. it gave me the freedom to be what I resisted for so long.

Here my shoes
https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=FD2E69EEBBCB5A3D!107&authkey=!AGB0DMMcwRN3kAY&ithint=folder%2cjpg

I hear you both on the whole budget thing. I'm going to have to start budgeting myself. Otherwise it will be too easy to go overboard. it's funny all these years and I hated buying clothes. now I can't seem to help myself I just want to buy all these pretty clothes and cute shoes.

[Tasha_]

Cute, and agreed. Shopping is WAY more fun now.... Sometime soon I'll get a pic of all mine and share it too..... When I told my mom a little bit about myself, I showed her my shoe collection and she laughed because I've got as many cute heels as she does, I kinda went crazy for a few weeks.... Lol....

[SarahElizabeth1981]

LOL tasha shoes.... Sigh why do we love them so. Iused to be a UPS man and I delivered soo many shoes to women. It actually started to fascinate me how many shoes some women have. I had one customer and she said she lost track of how many she had around 100 and I had another that had 60 - 70 pairs. I still don't get it.

I''ve been really puzzled about why I like heels so much I dont think I need to be any taller. But I think I figured it out. I think it's simply because it makes me feel like a women.  It's the same as wearing breast forms, which I wear pretty much 24 hours a day now. It helps me feel like a women. I intrigued whether it will continue after I start hormones and really start to change. Time will tell I guess.

Speaking of hormones.. I booked my first session with a psychologist that specializes in gender dysphoria. I'm hoping to move the whole process along so I can start hrt. I've already been referred to a psychiatrist that specializes in gender dysphoria. But it will take a while to get in to see him. I also really only need to see him so I can get GCS - gender correction surgery.  Also so I can change the sex on my birth certificate to female.  My plan is to change my name at the same time. Then I can get a new birth certificate with my new name and sex in one shot.

I went out to eat with a friend last night and there were a few girls sitting at the booth next to us. When they went to leave one of them was staring at my boobs. When I looked at her she looked up at my face and then down to my boobs again. I said "yeah I got bigger boobs then you" and she turned away. My friend was embarrass ed and cover his face and I just laughed. Then he said you haven't been a women that long and you're already a bitch. After some discussion he said I'm getting the cattyness down pretty good. Haha My boobs are a c cup so its not like they're huge or anything

[Tasha_]

LMFAO!!! That's awesome!!! The shoe thing, is that one pair of heels does NOT compliment every outfit... You gotta have a selection.... But.... There are Soooo many cute effing shoes you can't stop buying them.... I have been trying to get he d to having breasts as well.... I have been trying out b cups, my wife thinks they are huge, but I think c will fit my frame better. Congratulations on the appointment!!! And ya... That was a pretty catty thing to say.... Lol.... Do you sound fem when you talk or do you have the manly bass in you voice? Just trying to picture the look on bet face..... Can't stop laughing about that one!!!

Going to town today all woman's clothes.... Painted nails, still have my beard.... This should be awkward.... Going to shop for wigs while we are out. After I get one the beard will be working it's way out of my life, for a while at least.... Still feeling more fluid than anything else at this point. Hopefully I don't have any issues in town, especially since my family is going to be with me. Damn I love my family!!!

[amberwaves]

Congratulations on moving the process along.  Therapy is helpful regardless.  I find my fasciation revolves more around clothes than shoes.  Perhaps that will come in time when I need to coordinate my outfits more.  I love how feminine heels make my posture, but I am not comfortable with wearing them out yet.  I think it's a case of me not wanted to feel too  awkward.

I hope everything goes well with getting to the point of HRT.  I will most likely go the informed consent route for it myself.  The timing is up in the air.  I have a few things to get accomplished first, such as quitting smoking (should be by the end of March) and weight loss (which will continue after the fact).

I love the attitude.  I wouldn't call it catty.  I see it more as putting her in her place for staring.  Absolutely hilarious to do it in front of your friends though.  How are you friends and associates dealing with this?  I have a friend who doesn't appear to be taking it well.  He is dodging me mostly.  The few times we've gotten together since I told him he has been visibly anxious and unsettled with my significantly more feminine clothing choices.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hi girls,
  A little cattyness never hurt anyone. I agree Amber I was just responding to her staring.

It is exciting to be moving forward. I find as long as I'm doing something I'm pretty happy. But as soon as I have to stop being femme for some reason... Like seeing someone that doesn't know I crash and feel so crappy. Im slowly telling people so I don't have to do that anymore. It'll be so freeing when I don't have to hide it anymore. Not that I do very often but still

The problem I found with the informed consent route is its hard to find s doctor that will do it. Besides I want GCS ASAP and you need referal letters to be eligible. Not to mention a year on hormones and RLT. So I figure this will help me with many aspects of getting things done.

I don't have much to do before starting on hormones but I do want to finish electrolysis. I don't find it terrible bad but apparently its more painful after hormones so better to be done with it I think. I think another month and most of it should be done. Not sure how long it will take to clean up any stray hairs that come along though. Besides that I'm going to bank some sperm so that I still have the option of biological children and I will be good to go.

My friends, that know, have been really great Amber. So that's good. Tasha  my voice is totally male in the 120mhz band. I should work on it more... I also have a referral for voice coaching. Universal healthcare is nice cause all these things are covered but sometimes you have to wait and that sucks. Take care

[Tasha_]

I could imagine the look on her face.... But I am happy for you not only for standing up for yourself but for taking positive steps to reach your goal!!! It sounds like you feel good about yourself moving forward and that it what is important!!

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hi girls,
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. My computer crapped out on me and I haven't really had a lot going on. But I did have my meeting with the psychologist last week. It was mostly just a get to know you broad strokes kind of meeting. But between that and attending trans support meetings I have a much better idea how things are going to go. So I should be able to start hormones in 4 months or so and barring any complications GCS in 2018. So exciting. Unless I come into or manage to save a pile of money then I may be able to move the surgery date up a bit. Or if they change the rules about where you go for surgery. Currently you can only get funding, where I live, if you go to brassard in Montreal.  The difficulties we must go through to transition.... *sigh*

[amberwaves]

Hi Sarah,

Sorry to hear about your computer.  I don't know how tech savvy you are.  I hope it's something you can repair cheaply.  I'm pretty much the go to tech support in my circle of friends.

Glad to hear that you got to see your therapist.  I've been curious about transgender groups in my area, but there is only one I know of.  Living in the middle of nowhere can be annoying for things like that.

Not every week can be groundbreaking progress.  I'm glad to hear that you are doing well and getting things on track.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hi girls,
So I passed a bit if a milestone this week. Pretty much all of my friends know now.  As well as a few more family members. Everyone has been supportive. I feel really blessed it seems like every one I talk to has someone that takes it badly.  I guess I just have really great friends and family.  I was also walking through  the mall the other day and I had a women , who I was checking out prior to this, compliment me on my jacket.  And then  a little later a women started to make small talk with me. As I said I feel truly blessed. Everything is going so well and I couldn't be happier.

I guess I'm also a little lucky living in a major city with a lot of trans support around. Hopefully you are able to find everything you want. If there is anything I can do just let me know.

Amber, I don't think I'm that tech savvy but I did build a media PC last year so I guess I'm more savvy then most. The motherboard in my laptop is toast. Part of me wants to buy a new one off ebay but I don't think it's really worth it. I have an old HP pavilion that I thought that the hard drive was done so I put a new one in it. But that wasn't the problem. Its looking like its got motherboard issues as well grrr stupid motherboards. i still haven't decided what to do but after weeks without a PC I really have to do something. That's about all I got. Take care

[Rachel_Christina]

Reading through your thread you are a lucky one!
I hope that when I come out to family and friends I wont be rejected!
I'm not worrying about it now!, I'l deal with them when I get and have been on Hormones a while!
I meet the endo on the 11th of July!
It feels soooo far away
Your acceptance gives me hope!
Take care, Christine

[amberwaves]

That is wonderful that everyone is being so supportive.  You may be able to pick up a mobo for the HP off newegg and swap the components.  Only tricky part is the CPU and heatsink.  It's not hard, just be careful and make sure to clean the old thermal paste off with rubbing alcohol and apply new thermal compound.  I recommend Arctic silver.  Just be sure not to bend the pins on the processor and you should be gtg.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hi Christine,
welcome and thank you for reading through my thread.  I do feel lucky and fortunate that it has been good coming out to family and friends. Its great you have your appointment with the endo. I can't wait I will be so excited.  I wanted to finish coming out so I didn't have to stop being femme when I saw someone That didn't know. I'm done telling people so I really am full time now.

I got a pair of stripper boots today. They are very cute. I will upload a pic soon.

Amber, I'm not sure its worth saving the pavilion either its 8 years old now.  I will do something...

[Rachel_Christina]

Thats not a bad idea either, doing it that way, coming out first!
I felt the added confidence I will have on HRT would help me deal with the coming out! Time will tell what happens anyway, it will be a bumpy ride.
Oh let me see let me see!
I love heels and boots now that I'v let myself be who I really am. Such a change from hating shopping.
Love, Christine

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hi Girls,
  Finally got a computer working... sort of.

Christine, I know exactly what you mean about hating shopping before. now, i can hardly control  myself. sooo many cute shoes, and skirts and dresses... and on and on. i need to win the lottery or find a sugar mama to take care of me hahaha.

  I'm done "coming out" to everyone i wanted to tell before hand. everyone else can get surprised. So, now i really am full time. so exciting. I find myself really hating my male voice now. It's actually REALLY bothering me. I have a referral for voice therapy but there is a waiting list. So, who know when I will get in for that. I'm also, I think, completely identifying as being a woman now. might be why i hate the voice now. I can put on a pair of jeans and I don't feel like I'm being a guy.

Tasha, amber and christine how are you all doing?

[Tasha_]

I'm good, great actually!! Glad to hear everything is going so well for you... and seriously, I went from two pair of skate shoes when I told my wife to 15-20 pairs of cute shoes.... and my closet is overflowing with cute clothes... I think it's an illness!!! I have been caught by a few people I know lately and besides the initial heart jump, I have felt fine about it.... check out the personal journeys thread for an update.... super excited about that one!!!

[amberwaves]

Hi Sarah,

Sorry I've been so quiet lately.  These last two weeks have been heck and I'm ready for a vacation.  I won't get one, but c'est le vie.  I went through a four day depression spell, finally started feeling like myself again Wednesday. Yesterday my father pulls a complete d--- move yesterday and made my pregnant wife cry.  It's not transition related so I won't go into excruciating detail here. Let's just say my family is a huge bunch of jerks who just have to get their way even if it stinks all over the feelings of others (family members included).  I have discovered that when I am mad or depressed Amber disappears and I become the same jerk I've been for 34 years.

In other news I called a local lgbt health center today and spoke with them about HRT.  It was odd to introduce myself as a mtf transwoman.  I don't mentally process things in those terms, so it was just a little weird.  I have them my preferred name of Amber.  The doctor is booked until July.  I set up an appointment for a week following my 35th birthday.  They prefer a letter from a therapist.  I spoke with their counselling department and set up an appointment with a gender therapist for next week.  Making baby steps forward.

I'm debating calling my brother-in-law tonight and coming out to him.  I am not out to any of my family except my wife.  He was a good friend from high school before he married my sister so I want to talk with him as a friend rather than as family.  I'm going to ask him not to tell my sister yet.  I'll figure that out later.  I severely doubt there will be much of any support from anyone in my family.  She might be the only supportive one, but I still only give it even odds.

I used to hate clothes shopping, except for suits.  Now I enjoy it.  Turns out my wife lives clothes shopping for feminine clothing for me.  She hates shopping herself, but apparently playing dress-me-up Barbie with her husband is enjoyable.

I am glad you found a workable solution for a computer.  I hope everything continues to go well with your life and transition.