Hi everyone, It's my Birthday!!!

[Rebecca]

Wow - Love it <3

[Jenny0713]

Would love to have hair like you. It's getting there though.


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[SarahElizabeth1981]

The reason you need to stop taking the meds is because of the risk of blood clots. Last thing you want is a blood clot during or post surgery. there is also a risk of blood clots just from the General Anesthetic. So, it's all about reducing risks.

WOW, I'm so excited for you Jerrica. It seems like its come so fast. i can barely imagine how you are feeling.

It's funny 'cause I vaguely recall reading a while back that usually you resume taking blockers after surgery for a few weeks because of the testosterone that is in your system. But the couple of girls I've talked to about it said they didn't take them after surgery. it will drop but the blockers stop it from doing anything until the levels drop. Although the thing I read said to talk to your endo about it and the girls I talked to never did. They just said the surgeon never said anything about it. I suppose it won't do much damage if you don't take them after surgery but I like the idea of limiting the affect it can have while my body gets rid of what T's floating around in my blood.

[Rebecca]

Well I do have 100s left so easy enough to take them for a bit just in case.

The E and clotting part almost makes sense if it wasn't for the fact that born women can fly and have surgery without having to purge their E. So if our E is in the normal female range it shouldn't really pose a risk. Normally I'd argue and ask questions but in this particular. instance I'll just do what I'm told to get what I want.

Major news for me I got hit on in the lesbian bar and she was most definitely my type. Even better news my SO was with me and had opened up big time before it so I didn't pursue the other lady but still totally stoked that she was interested enough in me to try while I'm sitting with someone.

Just had a fab night with SO like you wouldn't believe. We drank, we danced, we made out then did it all again lots if times. Such an unexpected and insanely good night for us both.

[Jenny0713]

I think the difference is cis-women's estrogen is natural. Ours is drug induced.


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[Dena]

DVTs are a real surgical risk for anybody because of the extended bed rest after surgery. For most I suspect the risk is relatively low because I spent 6 days on my back and sides without any issues. However the risk is great enough that they put the air powered leggings on anybody recovering from surgery today. Even after my voice surgery were I was in bed less than 8 hours, I had the leggings on for several hours.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

That's really awesome and totally flattering Jerrica. But really great things are coming together with Your SO.

[Jenny0713]

I had the same leggings on after my gall bladder surgery and that was long before I started my transition. 


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[Rebecca]

I'm not going to over analyse the hormone thing tbh I'm just just going to do it

Yeah it was a fab night for sure. Spent a small fortune but so much fun and getting along so well with SO that getting hit on by another gorgeous woman was just the icing on the cake.

So good to have the answer to "Can she love me the way I need it?" the answer is "You bet your ass she can!!!". Mmmmm she left me feeling so amazing  words don't do it justice.

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[Rebecca]

Into my 4th day without meds and I can definitely feel it now.

So subtle but so obvious to me (now that I've noticed it) it's like a gentle static with a radio being turned ever so slightly off the station. Enough to mess with my focus as I subconsciously try to keep out the noise out of my mind. A dissonance creeping into my neurological systems that I can feel throughout my entire body. Everything infinitesimally less real as my body starts rewiring me again. This is one of the few times I really hate being hypersensitive and so aware of every little thing especially as I know what's happening this time and why.

My voice has destabilised. Whether it's a sore throat coincidence or something else I do not know but at this point in time it feels like someone swapped my voicebox when I was sleeping. I still speak with the same patterns but the sounds are wrong feeling lower and gravelly. If I focus hard and tune out everything else I can still access it but given it requires me to stop moving, close my eyes and centre myself before and during speaking it's not really a solution.

Don't get me wrong I expected to feel something coming off them but figured it would take longer and be less physical y'know maybe mood or emotions taking a beating but this isn't fair.

There's nothing I can do except wait it out. In 16 days the source will be gone forever and the T will steadily deplete while I'm away. I've not even left yet but I'm dying to get back home for my E.

Apart from that just feeling tired and a bit more "don't care" which is crappy but manageable.

This is not going to be fun but I will get through it.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Hey Jerrica, I have stumbled upon something you might be interested in. that's the use of GnRH analogues to reduce Testosterone. Normally they are used to stop puberty in children but I just read something that they are sometimes used when trans girls have to stop taking meds for surgery. I don't know if you have time to get it. You would of course have to check with chett's office to make sure you could take them. They are also only available as injections and implants so they tend to be a little pricey. They are listed in the Standards of care as a means to reducing testosterone. it's definitely something I will have to think about when I get closer to surgery. 

[Rebecca]

Hey hon thanks for looking into it but with the time I have left even if it was allowed there wouldn't be enough to make a difference especially with time to import from Vanuatu.

I pretty sure I'll survive but knowing what is happening to me is horrible though I guess I'd rather be aware of it than not. A cruel reminder of how I was before when it happened the first time but worse as I fear I'll lose what I gained through E rather than just think I'm growing up.

Bright side - 15 days to go now another 1 down

If it comes to it I think I can project my mind back into a game or put myself to sleep but if I do that I'll miss out on enjoying my family for the next 8 days as well as not doing anything useful like work or pack so I guess it's not a real option yet.

With everything else being so easy so far it looks like I'm finally getting something difficult.
Just need to remind myself this is temporary and treat it like an illness getting through 1 day at a time.
Still excited and looking forward to it all but yeah I guess ill is the best description of how I'm feeling it's dulling my sparkle a bit and I'm not used to it.

My sensible side will get me through the practical stuff to make sure everything that needs to get done is done.
After that it's hug my wife & kids as much as I can to stock up on love before I leave.

[Rachel_Christina]

Ha i forgot my androcur once taking my mother to the airport which is 3 hours away.
When me and my gf realised I acted out me exploading into the hulk in the car, we laughed so hard, mum hadn't a clue what was going on at the time!
It was so funny.
You should be alright.
GnRH analogues are what are used to cut the T right off in testicular cancer or other cancers that get worse through T.
They are the best but I don't really think trans people can get them?
I would if I could

[Rebecca]

Yeah we joked about it prior with the idea of me suddenly turning into a guy and coming into work like I used to!!!

My voice on the fritz yesterday freaked me out big time though as it shouldn't be possible then again most things I have experienced aren't possible either so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

It's essentially a minor neurological disruption so far and I'm getting a better handle on it but still don't like the way it feels. I'd gotten used to my brain being nice and quiet I just wasn't ready to deal with it again.
I guess everyone has a different experience and I know I'll be ok. At least with my memories back I know my worst case scenario is being dimmed and having guy impulses firing into my brain but I won't be erased so I'll stick to my plan; after all it's everything I ever wanted but couldn't have. After surgery and some time back on E I'll be better than ever

Starting on proper arrangements to keep me busy like thinking about packing and notes to leave for emergencies like burst pipes etc. Fun stuff too like arranging for Valentines cards and gifts as well as 3 birthdays I'll miss out on to make sure nobody is left out.

Also a bit morbid but need to make a "Just in case" envelope to be given to my wife if something goes wrong with goodbyes, instructions on how to take care of finances, logins that kind of thing.

Feeling so tired and fuzzy but need to keep my blood clean until my CBC and urine test tomorrow then break out the caffeine pills to try sharpen up a bit.

[SarahElizabeth1981]

Wow sounds like you are planning for everything Jerrica. That's great. not enough people do that.

Yes Christine GnRH analogues are normally used in cancer patients or as I mentioned to stop puberty in trans kids until they are old enough to start hormones. There have been some clinical studies on their use by older trans patients. Which found that they are as effective as other means of controlling T and results when used with estrogen are the same. I would guess like most things related to trans care it would depend on the doctor. But I imagine most doctors wouldn't use them when other drug combinations normally used are more broadly understood.

[Rebecca]

Yeah for planning I kinda have to as I'm the gal that keeps the world turning at work and home apart from this Feb.

Can't have my family in trouble or worrying about "what ifs" while I'm away. Expect everything to go smoothly but there is a comfort in giving safety nets to reassure people.

GnRH analogue would be great and with you being in proper channels you'll probably get it if it's allowed by your surgeon.

Downside of selfmed you're on your own for that kind of stuff. Oh that's a bit grim;  true though but need positives right now. Plus side 12 months and a bit start to finish for physical transition.

Mmmmm nothing except hormones and good times ahead - Yeah I'll defo manage

Might play around with other surgery ideas later but just as a woman for her own vanity.

[Rebecca]

Came across an amazing Avicci song I somehow missed in 2012 while looking at Nikki's New Groove





Sillhouettes is my new theme tune for the next 2 weeks me thinks xx

[Rachel_Christina]

Hey Jerrica, how long does will you be off work when it comes to it??
Must be a long stint of doing Nada.
I see some nice options as regards transition back in Ireland, we are thinking of returning home maybe after summer here.
I will also be finally be able to get my car insured in NI hopefully as I haven't been able the past two years, they offered me 6000 euro to insure it, and that was after a 45% no claims discount. And the tax in the uk is like 198 pound and in Ireland for this car it 1500 a year :/
Northern Ireland is definitly tempting me big time, so close to home too :3

[Rebecca]

30 days in Thailand and another few before I go back to work.

I'm really looking forward to having nothing to do except heal.

Must be a nice car for such high insurance.



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[Rachel_Christina]

Only a month? Thats kinda insane quick.
Well I love it, but the country hates these cars.
Its a 99 Twin Turbo 6 speed Toyota Supra.
Two years she sitting in the garage :/