After years of wondering what mix of breed she is exactly, I'm now pretty sure Mélyssa is just a black German Shepherd, probably what they call a runt, that is the smallest of the litter, so she weighs about 95 pounds and is the reason I'm out walking the streets and in parcs at least 2 hours a day... or night. She is very protective, children when I walk near schoolyards often say Ohhh did you see the wolf? She's very gentle with kids, was raised with mines.
She turned out to be an alpha female, she's actually such a bitch queen I can't go to dog parcs, she needs to be on top of the social pyramid. She actually fought her way up 3-4 times when she was 2 years old (without my consent), and now she is certain she is DA queen and barks after every dog we meet to challenge it. If it's a male, everything is ok, if it's a female, she better respect her queen status. So forget about a discrete trans trying not to be noticed too much, she makes sure everyone looks at us. Totally the opposite of my attitude in life. Ah well, I guess we do the pair. But now, she is 10.5 years old, and her legs hurt, and she knows she can't run faster than these low life mutts she meets, so she barks louder.
Quote from: EmilyRyan on June 23, 2016, 09:20:13 PM
Funny thing about my parents is they claim I can tell them anything about how I feel and such but when it's against their wishes or something similar then they get all mad and they wonder why I'm secretive nowadays.
sounds very familiar.
You know, 6 or 7 years ago when I was seeing my therapist for my gender dyshoria, she, and this is also why your situation reminds me of mine, she told me I had too many issues to start any kind of transition right now, that sending me this way would be like throwing someone in the river when you know they don't know how to swim. Then we talked about my mother. Well I... psychologists don't talk very much. Obviously I had unsolved issues with my mother, it came out. So after many sessions on the subject, I came to the conclusion that I should have probably cut ties with my mother a long time ago. And I still didn't. All my life I deeply wanted to please my mother, and very often thought what I was doing would do that, but... no, never. There is no way I can be what she thinks I should be and I should have realized that before and tell her: Don't have any expectations, I will never in no way be what you want me to be. I'm a total rebel and I think the world as it is needs to be changed, not me adapting to it. Well, hey, I'm autistic, that's why I think that. Autistic people need to understand the process and the end of the process: how and why. When you say this to your boss... he replies: Just do what I tell you! Anyways, story of my life, there is not one process I can join or do if it doesn't seem logical or optimum in my head. I analyze everything coldly with not a drop of respect for any hierarchy that I cannot understand and have no value to me. I just can't see the point of this guy telling me to do a stupid action repetitively. The 2 jobs I kept the longest, 3 years and 2 times 2 years at the same place, they really needed my services, not that many qualified persons wanting to go live in that small town. I challenged my bosses every day, telling them I know better, by-passing two of my direct bosses to go see the president in his office... I'm amazed I was able to add up the equivalent of 20 years of full time work.
So parents... I really don't understand why people want their children to be this and that. I have children and have absolutely no plans for them, it's their life. I did my best to give them all the tools they need to make their own decisions... How about asking your child what flavor of life he/she wants?
But most people think they know what is best for their children. They are wrong and most of these children make believe they follow their parents recommendations and actually do not at all. But I'm autistic and I cannot make believe, that's why I always end up with big clashes like quitting my job right on the spot. It comes down to a no-no in my head. I cannot just lower my eyes and say yes sir, I just can't.
And I spent my life explaining myself, and realized only a few years ago that not only nobody ever understood what I was saying, they weren't even listening, as my speech is so full of stuff and somewhat chaotic that I just lose everyone... neurotypicals. I'm ok with other autistics who can generally follow.
All this to say that you are very good if you succeed at make believe, but this is undermining you.
I worked 2 years in a call center, it wasn't commercial, was for the radio and tv ratings, which is in Canada a consortium of all the radio and tv's, so not a private company per say, but they still had quotas to be filled. You can't escape this in this world: you need to be productive. There was one place where it was noticed I was much slower than others, but it was a shop making very expensive custom furniture, and they chose to keep me instead of other dudes who they tried and were fast but not paying enough attention to small details and also I was always very careful not to damage the expensive piece we were working on. They would have rather I was faster but finally chose quality over production.
But even in shops or offices where quality is preferred to production, there is always a limit to the slowness they can tolerate. But at the call center, I have a good voice (too deep now but then it was good haha) and I was able without much effort to meet the goals. They actually had realist objectives, only the real lazy ones couldn't meet the quotas.
Clerical work is probably the most boring but I got to work in many different offices doing replacements. I was employed by a personnel agency and businesses call there to get temporary staffing for office work. I worked at different floors of the National Bank headquarters, some jobs were rigt down boring, cutting piles of reports for days and days, some were very freaky like the the traders floor where I had to deliver faxes to people I don't know, and they are all so very in a hurry to get the fax sent to Tokyo or Francfurt... well back then, before Internet. Banks sell these i don't how to say in English, you buy these for your your retirement and they give you a tax credit. It's a big rush of work and I had for weeks every night after university to add up and balance piles of these papers of customers who bought these things... that kind of work, or I also went to government places where I had strictly nothing to do for 3 weeks, that was kind of hard actally. My only qualifications for the agency was that I could type 40 words a minute, that I knew how to use a calculator to do additions and could write with an ok grammar and spelling. Oh well yes bilingual, I'm bilingual, French is my 1st language. Do you speak Spanish? I saw that a lot in ads for jobs in the US, even in Nashville
But see, large cities offer more opportunities as there are all these offices and headquarters needing part time staff. In a large city, there are many big hospitals, each needing tons of employees with no skills, empty trashes and sweep the floor, in the kitchen, in the laundry dept., at the parking, and many other institutions like that.
Just checked now and Nashville has many health institutions, they surely need staff with little skills but dedicated.
Ok so listen, I talk, I talk, but it's better to get things done.
You need a temporary job in Nashville, can you get there daily? Or a permanent job that you will quit when you have enough money...
cause here is a draft of your plan:
1- get on my own
2- exit Tennessee
so scratch that, number one to do that is money, so you need a job in Tennessee. You need money. You cant leave to Washington State with only 1500$ Well you could, but that leaves you no margin, so you need more. And anyways you wanted to save that for HRT... but in my opinion, HRT will have to wait a while, unless you decide to transition in Tennessee.
So here are links for that. You have no choice but to go through this again unless you remember of a rich and open uncle living out West. No choice, Emily, you need to run into that wall till it breaks.
no exp needed:
http://www.indeed.com/cmp/Knowledge-Services/jobs/Data-Entry-Clerk-34b33403f6e6d89d?q=Data+Entry+Clerkhttp://www.amtemps.com/apply/index.htmhttps://www.roberthalf.com/officeteam/job-search/nashville-tn/mailroom-assistant/43665424?keywords=General+Office+Clerk&location=Nashville%2C+TN&h1=Search+General+Office+Clerk+Jobs+in+Nashville%2C+TN&breadcrumbs=https://www.expresspros.com/NNashvilleTN/Job-Seekers/Hiring-Process/Default.aspx#
more tomorrow
