Uhh...

[Xirafel]

I might be half-asleep (5am o-o), but I can't find the "Adam's Apple".
Strange, maybe I'm looking in the wrong place on my throat.

The face would probably be tricky, although I'm not a face expert, unless I want to walk around wearing a mask and pretending to be mute. Half the city would probably turn and look.

I'm a bit of a vampire. No one can see what I'm wearing or doing at this hour.
Even the part where I avoid mirrors to avoid being exposed is kind of vampiric.

I'll see if I can find a clinic or something within the next few weeks, but I might have to drag my parents in, if the costs are prohibitive. I'd like to avoid putting a huge dent in my finances or asking them for money, if possible.

My mother still doesn't seem to take it seriously, even after I try to make her take it seriously. I don't sound that crazy, do I?
I left my father out of the loop for now, as he's in a really grumpy mood these days and it would just be tossing oil on the flames, even if he is the most rational one.

[Asheylov]

hi xirafel

I'm wondering if you could contact me in pm. if you are in Melbourne i can help you a lot.

[Xirafel]

Arrived in Brisbane. Unfortunately, Medicare is beyond my reach unless I want to push things forward by an entire year (I did some research), I probably need a therapist in general anyway before I jump off the highest building I can find.

An additional question I should probably ask. How much would private health insurance cost?

[SidneyAldaine]

Hi again Xirafel,

I remember that before my puberty, I used to sing a lot, even started professionaly with my teacher and sang on some rare occassions..Anyway, as puberty hit me and my voice began to jump, I got scared and felt ashamed of it. I tried to maintain what nature wanted to change and failed- or at least I thought so.

You mentioned you used to sing... And that's good, because...

I recently tried to find my feminine voice and guess what happened- it was like my body remembered I tried to maintain my pre-pubertal voice. It's much easier! (or at least I think it is). Most people need some training, voice teacher and a lot of time to be able to hit that pitch, resonance and melody. I did it in a week of intense "try and fail". And now, I'm even able to speak with my feminine voice, for about 5 minutes. Most of the time, I can switch from male to female in a second and I'm sure, once I don't need my male side, I'd be able to speak like a proper girl

All this because I didn't give in so easily during puberty. I tried different things, I played with my voice, pushing it higher and higher to the point where I thought the nature won and I'll have to keep that awful gringe forever.

All I'm trying to say is that chances are, if you used to sing before puberty and played with your voice like I did, you will be fine. No voice surgeries needed with much less effort.

My only wish (so far not met) is that I could sing with a girly voice. Maybe once I come out of the closet.

[Xirafel]

Alright, let's put it slightly more honestly and without as many smoke and mirrors.

If I can't get the treatment, then I might as-well just kill myself. This horrible mental illness has already crippled me at any chance of employment, as it constantly distracts me. Luckily, I'm just a penniless student, although it's making things extremely difficult here too. Extremely difficult. I'm already deep in student debt and it looks like it'll send me down further if I have to repeat the years.

The doctors and therapists seem to be conspiring to squeeze out any drop of money I have, my stupid parents have sent me to some distant country where I have no healthcare without paying through the nose, and now I have the chance to borrow thousands of dollars for the hope of staving the curse off momentarily.

Even the cold hard embrace of the UK's NHS with doctors shouting at me for annoying them with my flu or ear infections and them prescribing the wrong drugs would be vastly more inviting than this.

I am completely and utterly screwed.

I remember that before my puberty, I used to sing a lot, even started professionaly with my teacher and sang on some rare occassions..Anyway, as puberty hit me and my voice began to jump, I got scared and felt ashamed of it. I tried to maintain what nature wanted to change and failed- or at least I thought so.

You mentioned you used to sing... And that's good, because...

I recently tried to find my feminine voice and guess what happened- it was like my body remembered I tried to maintain my pre-pubertal voice. It's much easier! (or at least I think it is). Most people need some training, voice teacher and a lot of time to be able to hit that pitch, resonance and melody. I did it in a week of intense "try and fail". And now, I'm even able to speak with my feminine voice, for about 5 minutes. Most of the time, I can switch from male to female in a second and I'm sure, once I don't need my male side, I'd be able to speak like a proper girl

All this because I didn't give in so easily during puberty. I tried different things, I played with my voice, pushing it higher and higher to the point where I thought the nature won and I'll have to keep that awful gringe forever.

All I'm trying to say is that chances are, if you used to sing before puberty and played with your voice like I did, you will be fine. No voice surgeries needed with much less effort.

My only wish (so far not met) is that I could sing with a girly voice. Maybe once I come out of the closet.

Interesting. I'll give it a try sometime.

[Raye]

I like this girl - she's real and tells it straight, but also funny... I honestly don't know what to say, but I've attempted suicide 37 times and in all-reality I'm glad I've failed every single attempt. I honestly won't go into details, but have you tried seeing around into your university for hormones. We've got a few where I live over in the US near me who actually either pay full on costs and procedures or at huge discounted prices to their students for the time they're there. Which encourages them to not get a second job while attending school at the same time. They look at it as they're paying enough all ready and we don't want them to be distracted from their college work to succeed. Honestly they might have something on that line or at least help you with referrals at no cost at least. I mentioned this because you did say your a university student, right? I don't know how it is over in other countries, but it's something from my own experiences that might correlate with yours. Although, I left a seriously good 4 year school and engineering job to become who I am today - and I've not looked back ever since.

[Xirafel]

I like this girl - she's real and tells it straight, but also funny... I honestly don't know what to say, but I've attempted suicide 37 times and in all-reality I'm glad I've failed every single attempt. I honestly won't go into details, but have you tried seeing around into your university for hormones. We've got a few where I live over in the US near me who actually either pay full on costs and procedures or at huge discounted prices to their students for the time they're there. Which encourages them to not get a second job while attending school at the same time. They look at it as they're paying enough all ready and we don't want them to be distracted from their college work to succeed. Honestly they might have something on that line or at least help you with referrals at no cost at least. I mentioned this because you did say your a university student, right? I don't know how it is over in other countries, but it's something from my own experiences that might correlate with yours. Although, I left a seriously good 4 year school and engineering job to become who I am today - and I've not looked back ever since.

Thank you.

My head is filled with ways of committing suicide and methods to maximise the chances of success. So far, a shotgun to the head is unsurprisingly in the lead. Unfortunately, I didn't have a shotgun at the time when I was at the darkest depths and the suicide failing would make it harder to die as the silly doctors would force me to stay alive.

No doubt they want to wring every penny from my shrivelled corpse. Actually, that might be one of the few things I don't need the card for.

I have no clue. I recently moved but my previous universities were intent on robbing me for every shred of money they could get their hands on, similar to the doctors and therapists in a way. They were like vultures. It was a constant battle and the standards were as good as toilet paper. Glorious debt. Let's see what the new ones will be like.

I highly doubt they would help me with my medical fees though. If the state won't do it, and quite frankly they shouldn't need to either, then why would they? From what I've seen so far, universities are run like businesses, they go for whatever route will give them the most income.

[Tristan]

I found this it may help with your questions: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=36258.0
I'm not mtf but i went looking for some information for you.

 

[Xirafel]

I found this it may help with your questions: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=36258.0
I'm not mtf but i went looking for some information for you.

 

Thank you for the help.

The only one there which really scares me is the tumour and that's mainly because it might make me go blind.
The idea of going blind is much scarier than death. Death is fairly trivial at this point.

[Tristan]

Thank you for the help.

The only one there which really scares me is the tumour and that's mainly because it might make me go blind.
The idea of going blind is much scarier than death. Death is fairly trivial at this point.

I just skimmed it, i doubt that would happen or you'd go blind i really wouldn't take everything everyone says as absolute truth. And the best advice anyone can give you is your doctor but i've never heard of that before I'm no doctor but still. I mean from the looks that was on the list so it must be true but that don't mean it'll happen. ^.^; and trust me we all got fears of some kind but most of the time there not so scary as we make them out to be in the beginning, sometimes we scare ourselves.

[Michelle_P]

Xirafel, I've got a pituitary tumor, and it hasn't slowed me down.  Mine was actually there before I started HRT, but with monitoring via a simple blood test for prolactin, the risk is very small.  I initially had an MRI done (expensive!) but since then have found that a simple cheap diagnostic test could have told me the same thing, that like most prolactinomas, this one is producing inert megaprolactin molecules.  The test is a prolactin fractional measurement, a simply chromatography test that sorts out the regular and mega versions.  This prolactinoma is unlikely to grow, and won't eventually cause scary double vision or eventually blindness.

If it was risky, there's a medication I could take twice a week that shrinks prolactinomas away over several months.

Your endocrinologist should run an endocrine panel on you before starting HRT, so you'll both know where you are starting from, and will have something to compare against later quarterly and annual tests.  These can include the prolactin measurement.

This really shouldn't be a concern for anyone getting HRT under a doctors supervision.

[Xirafel]

This really shouldn't be a concern for anyone getting HRT under a doctors supervision.

Assuming they don't all tell me to get lost, I would be glad to.
Interesting to hear that it isn't a crippling issue however.

[Xirafel]

If you could hear my thoughts, I would sound like a drug addict x.x
"PILLS PILLLS PILLLLLSSS!!! WHERE ARE MY PILLS?! Come on, just give me some pills!!! I need them!!! PILLLLLSSS!!!!!"

And sometimes, I'm normal. Well, as normal as you can call someone who looks like they've had their soul sucked out of them.

[Raye]

I hate getting Migraines, but w/e I've had them numerous of times when I was younger when my E Levels were higher than my T until around 17. And now I get them again LOL just life though. But lemme tell you they suck so if your fortunate to not get them your quite lucky! ^^

[Xirafel]

I haven't started on the magical hormone pills yet, how very unfortunate, but I get a headache every other day consistently. Luckily, I have many headache pills to counter that.

[Xirafel]

Okay, another twist has occurred. According to my parents, I'm screaming and crying in my sleep, how pleasant sounding. Also, I'm extremely anxious and have very severe mood swings.

They want to send me to a doctor to hopefully fix it, although it's probably just a normal one. Still, it might help, probably. Unfortunately, she still ignores me when I tell her that I'm trans and thinks this is a completely separate issue x.x

[Michelle_P]

If your folks do send you to a doctor to 'fix' this, be sure to tell the doc about your transgender issues.  That can be a very real source of all the anxiety bubbling up in you, and pointing the doc in that direction rather than letting them guess can produce results for you, like treatment or referrals for proper treatment, and a Real Live Doctor Authority Figure telling your mom that you are a transgender person in need of support and treatment.

This could be a Good Thing for you.

[Xirafel]

Oh no, he stepped into the discussion and started his speech about how all doctors and psychologists are pure evil. He's probably right.

A nice long speech about how they will take everything I say and do as evidence against me. They might not be wrong, it's basically just showing up to convince them that they should prescribe the pills.

She says to see a doctor but is passive, and he's leaning against it. Hard.
They want my opinion, I'll try to poke them in the direction of a psychologist x.x

I don't really care if they're evil. I need the pills and I'll pry it out of the hands of a demon if I have to x.x

[Raye]

I hope you thoroughly explained your issues to 'this' doctor to get started really. Don't let it go to waste 'kay?!

[Xirafel]

I haven't seen this doctor yet. Unfortunately, I'm extremely paranoid, so what they said about psychologists twisting my words around to destroy my life by making it look like I'm a menace to society is still bouncing around my head.

The dark side beckons. I don't really think a regular doctor is really qualified for this for the most part, it'll just turn into a 'get lost' situation as I'm wasting their time with a problem out of their field.

As for psychologists, they're expensive and could likely cost me thousands of dollars.
I probably could convince them to take me to a psychologist, but that would be really hard. Oh well, I could always go on about anxiety this and anxiety that to try to poke them.

One thing that worries me is wasting a tremendous amount of money on psychologists who simply tell me to get lost or waste my time while pocketing my cash.

I don't trust anyone who can't put a guarantee of what I'll get on a contract.
How dare these worthless parasites try to steal every penny I have for the 'privilege' of sitting there and talking to them with guarantee as to whether they'll give me anything at all.

Testosterone may have rotted my brain, but I can see a scam when I see one.
I'll see how it goes with the doctor, whenever they decide to arrange that.