Uhh...

[Xirafel]

Altering brainwaves? Sounds like crazy science from victorian era. But what do I know, I'm not a psychologist.

She's really old, so it's possible. Maybe? Alright, maybe not that old. She seems to be fairly well respected.

[SidneyAldaine]

Interesting...keep us posted on your "progress" or progress with her. Hope she doesn't alter your brain waves though.

[Dena]

Sounds like relaxation therapy where they teach you how feel less stress. It may help some but it's not going to solve the core problem of being transgender. You need to discuss that topic and don't let up until it's addressed.

[Xirafel]

That pill was tasty, surprisingly small. Super sleepy... Face abnormally warm... Slight headache... Ear throbbed a little, actually that's probably unrelated, it does that from time to time... I'm in a good mood though...

Urmm... How do you get those blood test things...?
Okay, I sent another email prodding the psychologist again... She hasn't replied yet, but then again the day's just started for her. Can a psychologist on the other side of the world even write a letter?

Uh, telling a psychologist who's thrice my age and filled with experience and status how to do their job is beyond my safe zone.

[Xirafel]

Uh oh, I overdosed. Uh, okay... Let's not worry about that...

Waiting for the psychologist to get back to me, if I had to guess she won't say anything until Sunday at the very least.

[Xirafel]

Yes, I just started taking the pills (they contain uh, what you call it, estradiol valerate) as it'll take half the lifespan of the planet to get anywhere. The side-effects are slightly annoying, the ear ache in my left ear seems to be one of them, as it's steadily becoming more and more annoying. Day 3.

Hm, I'll have to buy some pain killers. So many pills I have to take x.x
No anti-androgens. I'll find some way to get them eventually.

The psychologist's probably asleep, so maybe she'll respond to me when she wakes up...?
Also, my psychologist specifically said that the brain wave whatever you call it thing usually gets rid of transgender feelings, or so she implied to me.

[Dena]

I suspect you may have an ear infection or some other difficulty as an ear ache shouldn't happen on estradiol. Dizziness is a possible side effect from the fluid balance changing in your ear but if the pills are the problem, something is seriously wrong and you  should discontinue using them until you see  doctor.

[Xirafel]

A page about these specific pills did say not to use them if you have otosclerosis which is a problem to do with the ear which could lead to hearing loss, but I doubt I would be unlucky enough to have that. Hard to tell without a CT scan or audiometry.

I'll see what happens over the coming days.

[Xirafel]

Hm, uh... that thing... you know... that thing.... keeps aching... Maybe, the pill's killing it. That would be good.

[Magicka]

Yes, I just started taking the pills (they contain uh, what you call it, estradiol valerate) as it'll take half the lifespan of the planet to get anywhere. The side-effects are slightly annoying, the ear ache in my left ear seems to be one of them, as it's steadily becoming more and more annoying. Day 3.

Hm, I'll have to buy some pain killers. So many pills I have to take x.x
No anti-androgens. I'll find some way to get them eventually.

The psychologist's probably asleep, so maybe she'll respond to me when she wakes up...?
Also, my psychologist specifically said that the brain wave whatever you call it thing usually gets rid of transgender feelings, or so she implied to me.

Well I read through all your posts and such you have a very unique cute personality.  Well good for you that you have started Estrogen but you really need to get on an anti-androgen to be more effective. I wish you luck. I'm sure that earache is nothing to do with the Estrogen though!

[Xirafel]

I feel like getting rid of that stupid thing, it keeps... keeps... Gah. Leaking. Yes, that'll get it to stop x.x

Well I read through all your posts and such you have a very unique cute personality.  Well good for you that you have started Estrogen but you really need to get on an anti-androgen to be more effective. I wish you luck. I'm sure that earache is nothing to do with the Estrogen though!

C...Cute? You think I'm cute?
I thought I was just an annoying nuisance.

Stop taking it immediately if
You should stop treatment at once and consult your doctor if you have any of the following conditions:

• your very first attack of migraine (typically a throbbing headache and nausea preceded by visual disturbances)
• worsening of pre-existing migraine, any unusually frequent or unusually severe headaches
• sudden disturbances of vision or hearing
• swollen veins (phlebitis)
• itching of the whole body
• unusual upper abdominal pain that do not disappear within a short period of time

Well, I did find this regarding these pills.

[Xirafel]

but you really need to get on an anti-androgen to be more effective

Did you know that the anti-androgenic effect is actually a side-effect and not the primary effect? Maybe someday, the pharmaceutical companies might actually deliver something that is more appropriate, nope costs too much money.
I'm not sure what would have nastier side-effects, anti-androgens or simply boosting up the dosage of the pills.

More importantly, anti-androgens are expensive. It's much easier for me to take more pills than to hope to cover the costs of yet another batch of pills. Combined, they make a psychologist session look cheap.
Speaking of psychologists, with any luck, mine will talk to me today and will stop being annoying.

[Magicka]

Yes I do think you are cute What do you mean "it's leaking" and what made ahem...  it "stop" 

I guess I'm not an authority on drug effects by any means but I just heard that the drugs that are used as secondary AA's provide better results than just taking E. Heck, I may be wrong and have been wasting my money on spiractin 100 all this time for nothing but increased peeing(the very unpleasant primary use of the medication.)


All I know is that if I don't get a doctor soon for my meds I'll have revert to herbs again which are weaker and I really do not want to have to do that.

[Xirafel]

Yes I do think you are cute What do you mean "it's leaking" and what made ahem...  it "stop" 

I guess I'm not an authority on drug effects by any means but I just heard that the drugs that are used as secondary AA's provide better results than just taking E. Heck, I may be wrong and have been wasting my money on spiractin 100 all this time for nothing but increased peeing(the very unpleasant primary use of the medication.)

All I know is that if I don't get a doctor soon for my meds I'll have revert to herbs again which are weaker and I really do not want to have to do that.

C...Cute...

I'm practically swimming in estradiol valerate. I accidentally received far too much, I could simply take more.
Now, if only I could convince a psychologist to give me some anti-androgens, and then it'll cover the many months of "therapy" before they think I'm ready. Maybe, I can squeeze some Spironolactone out of the ether or maybe not.

Uhh, when I say it's leaking... Urmm... You know... That horrible thing... I think it's rebelling against the pills.
And it aches a lot. That too. Weird stuff comes out. Uhh... This is awkward...

[Magicka]

Wow! your body must be having some very fun fascinating(if the feeling on the unmentionable is at least a little pleasant that is lol!) responses to E than mine had!? Micronized Progesterone USP works fantastically as an anti androgen as well. I'm pretty sure when I think of it that mixing high E doses with significant Progesterone should be significant enough to not warrant getting on a med with a secondary AA effect. Heck to be honest Spearmint Tea(organic whole leaves) is a strong herbal AA good for lowering body hair.

[Xirafel]

Wow! your body must be having some very fun fascinating(if the feeling on the unmentionable is at least a little pleasant that is lol!) responses to E than mine had!? Micronized Progesterone USP works fantastically as an anti androgen as well. I'm pretty sure when I think of it that mixing high E doses with significant Progesterone should be significant enough to not warrant getting on a med with a secondary AA effect. Heck to be honest Spearmint Tea(organic whole leaves) is a strong herbal AA good for lowering body hair.

Mhm, the pain... there's gone down for the most part, although that's probably because I took the hormones nine hours ago, so the effects have probably weakened a little. Maybe, I'm not taking enough of it, oh well I'll worry about that tomorrow.

Spearmint Tea? Hm, really? That might be useful
I'm still waiting for my psychologist to get back to me, it could take a while.

How do I get rid of facial hair? Well, getting rid of all of the body hair would be nice too. Preferably in a way in which it never comes back.

[Xirafel]

I'm not sure the pills are doing that much with how disgustingly ugly I feel, probably because it's the truth.

I'll probably have to break a bunch of bones, get surgeons to put it back together properly, get plastic surgery, possibly get that height reduction surgery where they remove a portion of the bone in the leg, get rid of that thing, etc.

Stupid shoulders, stupid shoulders, stupid shoulders. Surgically re-engineering a good portion of it would be nice...
I'll smash it myself if I have to... Hm, might not work.

Perhaps ripping the hairs out by the root and sandpapering the area until they don't grow anymore might be effective against the hairs...

[Magicka]

C'mon don't be talking about smashing yourself up, and breaking bones and all that brutal stuff. How wide can your shoulders be? Also what is your rib cage circumference? Lastly I'l like to know your waist at it's smallest point and your hips at the widest point for you waist to hip ratio please. I know it's a lot of questions but I'm trying to help.

Before I started horribly planned self-med hrt when I was almost 27 years(then I was on herbal therapy) old my shoulders were 16 inches wide I was 5 foot 9.5 tall as well. My underbust was 35.75 inches my waist was 33 inches while my hips were 37 inches as was my breasts. I had a waist to hip ratio of 0.91 not very good at all. But you see hrt generally healthy diet including healthy fats and more cardio really helps. At my prettiest and most fit in my transition before going backwards from short hrt supply and micro dosing myself I was fairly slender. I was being called ma'am  95% of the time too. My measurements were...


Bust 37.5
Underbust 33
Waist 30.5
Hips 38
Weighting 155 lbs and being 5 foot 8 inches tall. My waist to hip at this point was good for a female at 0.802

My only problem then was my 13.5 inches biceps I still had and my 6.75 inch wrists and 7.125 inch long hands eww!

Seriously. there was that much 5s I swear.

I'm reversing sadly here is my measurements now...

Bust 36
Underbust 33
Waist 32
Hips 37.5

shoot now my waist to hip is 0.85!


Ok, ok..  enough of rambling on!

Can't wait to get on my best hrt yet from a authentic pcp.

Hopefully I get initial bloodwork to see where I'm at now. Getting injection of estrogen monthly would be lovely also Micronized Progesterone taken as directed as well as maybe mixing two powerful Antiandrogens my body would be in heaven like it's never been before!

[KayXo]

Micronized Progesterone USP works fantastically as an anti androgen as well.

At usual therapeutic doses, it is not antigonadotropic and has not shown to reduce T to DHT conversion. As such, its anti-androgenic action is negligible. Unless taken in high doses intramuscularly, frequently. Verify with doctor.

[Xirafel]

Okay, I'm just getting more and more offended by this psychologist dodging questions and trying to shutdown the conversation. I started complaining to the idiots who pushed me to her in the first place. The best she could do was come up with another psychologist to point me to, one who is so generic that he can't even motivate me to get out of bed, let alone get on a bus to see him x.x

It's some idiot who deals with mood disorders, anxiety and schizophrenia. Like hell I'm going there x.x

Fine, I'll just continue self-medicating for the foreseeable future.
I hate hate hate hate hate psychologists. I can't even get medical supervision due to those evil pieces of... Yes.

my shoulders were 16 inches wide

I should just die. Please liberate me from my mortal shell.
That garbage of mine needs to be smashed and put back together again.