I was so sorry to read this as I recall you saying how supportive your wife was in a previous post. I too was given 'the ultimatum' a couple of years ago but, in my case it was just crossdressing rather than having to turn around and go back as you are having to do. I too chose my relationship above my TG activities.
As I have said in previous posts, I am extremely sympathetic of the spouse's point of view as it can't be easy watching the person you love gradually undergo such fundamental changes and have to deal with the social fallout that occurs as a result. We can't help the way we feel (and, to be honest, I really wish I didn't have TG feelings) and I do find it hard to surpress the urges when they hit me but what has helped me in the end is understanding how I would feel if the tables were turned and it was my wife who was the one wrestling with gender issues and not me.
Unfortunately, once we accept that we are TG, everything we do thereafter is govened by choice, as indeed is everything in life. Unfortunately, for us, these choices often feel like lose-lose situations - I continue and lose my spouse or I give up and lose my inner happiness and possibly my sanity. In a way, I feel lucky as my TG urges come in waves which means, for a lot of the time (including now) I am able to function normally without the overriding longing to be female. Clearly you have far more to forego than I did but I hope that you are able to find a solution which you are both at peace with.
With best wishes,
Amanda
