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They tell me it can't be done but I have to try!

Started by Anne Blake, October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM

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Anne Blake

Hello All,

My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.

All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.

Good bye,
Anne
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kelly_aus

I don't do goodbyes, so I'll leave you with a 'See you later.'

Sent from my HUAWEI LYO-L02 using Tapatalk

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SailorMars1994

What ever makes you happy. We will always be here for you <3
AMAB Born: March 1994
Gender became on radar: 2007
Admitted to self : 2010
Came out: May 12 2014
Estrogen: October 16 2015
<3
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Michelle_P

Please be careful and take care of yourself.  Try to be mindful of your state and behaviors.

We'll be here if you need us.

- Michelle
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
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HappyMoni

Two words come  to mind reading your post "unfair" and "sad." I wish you the best of course.
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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Debra

Wish you the best. I tried to do what you're doing and failed so I had to end up making a different choice. I hope whatever happens you are happy. That's what's important.

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Cindy

Please take care of yourself and think things through with your wife and ask your wife to think things through as well.

I understand where you are coming from, been there! My love to both of you and we are here for support when we can give it.

To be totally brutal do remember that sometimes visiting an ex-partner is better than visiting a grave.
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cheryl reeves

Anne so if you had cancer she would tell you not to do anything about it? Anne going back into the closet doesn't work,I tried to rebuild the closet and it kept falling down and the urge to dress got even stronger. Anne I don't know your wife but if you don't have a say in your marriage it's doomed anyway for a marriage is a two way street.
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JMJW

If you are going for a detransition, you'll need therapy for that and for the fact that you have to live with the person who made you do it.
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bobbisue

Its so sad you have to make such a choice I truly empathize with you as i may have to make the same choice soon   you are not alone  I wish you all the best


   bobbisue :'(
[ gotta be me everyone else is taken ]
started HRT june 16 2017              
Out to all my family Oct 21 2017 no rejections
Fulltime Dec 9 2017 ahead of schedule
First pass Dec 11 2017
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Virginia Hall

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM
Hello All,

My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.

All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.

Good bye,
Anne

The good news is that these things tend to work out for the best.
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Rachel

HRT  5-28-2013
FT   11-13-2015
FFS   9-16-2016 -Spiegel
GCS 11-15-2016 - McGinn
Hair Grafts 3-20-2017 - Cooley
Voice therapy start 3-2017 - Reene Blaker
Labiaplasty 5-15-2017 - McGinn
BA 7-12-2017 - McGinn
Hair grafts 9-25-2017 Dr.Cooley
Sataloff Cricothyroid subluxation and trachea shave12-11-2017
Dr. McGinn labiaplasty, hood repair, scar removal, graph repair and bottom of  vagina finished. urethra repositioned. 4-4-2018
Dr. Sataloff Glottoplasty 5-14-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal in office procedure 10-22-2018
Dr. McGinn vaginal revision 2 4-3-2019 Bottom of vagina closed off, fat injected into the labia and urethra repositioned.
Dr. Thomas in 2020 FEMLAR
  • skype:Rachel?call
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kaitylynn

I wish you the best of luck, truly!  I tried that path years ago and found that even though I stopped my medical transition back in 1996...Kaity still carried on with her work inside.  That break of 20 years actually turned out to be anything but.

Be careful trying to be something for someone else.  What is the other person sacrificing for you?
Katherine Lynn M.

You've got a light that always guides you.
You speak of hope and change as something good.
Live your truth and know you're not alone.

The restart - 20-Oct-2015
Legal name and gender change affirmed - 27-Sep-2016
Breast Augmentation (Dr. Gupta) - 27-Aug-2018
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mac1

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM
Hello All,

My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.

All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.

Good bye,
Anne
That is the case for me, too.  My wife would never agree with transitioning,  Thus, I have to find any possible subtle ways to progress. it is not easy but the first priority is her.
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Futurist

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 15, 2016, 07:56:49 PM
Hello All,

My wife and I really got into a tough one today and it looks like Anne has to go. I have always said that if it came down to Anne or my marriage, my relationship with my wife is too important to lose. I stopped taking e today and am going to try to shut her down cold turkey.

All of you on Susan's Place have been so good to me, I want to thank you for putting up with me and my ramblings. This is really tough but please wish me well.

Good bye,
Anne
Good luck, Anne! :D

However, please think slowly, wisely, and carefully about what exactly the best choice for you is; indeed, please be careful to make a decision that you will not end up regretting, say, 5, 10, and/or 20 years down the line! :(
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Dayta

Best of luck, Anne.  I hope it works out as you want it to.  I won't give you any advice, as you certainly know the situation better than anyone.  But I will offer my thoughts and prayers for you both. 

L




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Paige

Hi Anne,

So sorry to hear about the choice you believe you must make.  Nothing about being transgender is ever easy.  I truly hope your wife appreciates the sacrifice you are making for her.

Take care,
Paige :)
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aaajjj55

I was so sorry to read this as I recall you saying how supportive your wife was in a previous post.  I too was given 'the ultimatum' a couple of years ago but, in my case it was just crossdressing rather than having to turn around and go back as you are having to do.  I too chose my relationship above my TG activities.

As I have said in previous posts, I am extremely sympathetic of the spouse's point of view as it can't be easy watching the person you love gradually undergo such fundamental changes and have to deal with the social fallout that occurs as a result.  We can't help the way we feel (and, to be honest, I really wish I didn't have TG feelings) and I do find it hard to surpress the urges when they hit me but what has helped me in the end is understanding how I would feel if the tables were turned and it was my wife who was the one wrestling with gender issues and not me.

Unfortunately, once we accept that we are TG, everything we do thereafter is govened by choice, as indeed is everything in life.  Unfortunately, for us, these choices often feel like lose-lose situations - I continue and lose my spouse or I give up and lose my inner happiness and possibly my sanity.  In a way, I feel lucky as my TG urges come in waves which means, for a lot of the time (including now) I am able to function normally without the overriding longing to be female.  Clearly you have far more to forego than I did but I hope that you are able to find a solution which you are both at peace with.

With best wishes,

Amanda
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Vervain

Anne,

I'm so sorry. I feel for both of you. Personally, I feel like once you've come out of the trans closet, that revelation will still color your marriage. Even if you stop HRT, the fact that you identify as a woman may continue to be something that bothers her. It's not always as easy as just stopping HRT.

Since your marriage means so much to you that you are willing to sacrifice your transition, and who you are at heart, to remain with your wife, I hope that will not be the case. But I wanted to make sure you were aware that this may not be so easy.

I would also suggest, if you don't already have one, a therapist, because this is going to be something very difficult to deal with. You might also want a separate one for you and your wife to see together, for the effects everything has had on your relationship and marriage.

All my best to you, and *hugs offered*
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JoanneB

I wish you best of luck.

I've made the same promise to myself. Made the offer to stop to my wife many times. A few times during my "WTF am I doing???" meltdowns when things got between us I tried to stop. It isn't an easy thing to do.  My wife put it best; "We both know you cannot".

My prayers are with you
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