Why Crossdressing?

[Snidi]

I don't understand, why would crossdressing be alleviating?   They're just garments after all, just pieces of fiber.   So what's the big deal?   Why would people be compelled to put on skirts/makeup or whatever?   It doesn't make much sense to me...

[Anastasia]

Hello. These are just my thoughts.
Society as a whole as identified certain behaviors and appearances as feminine, and assigned these feminine labels to skirts, dresses, make-up,being able to express emotion etc. For the survival and comfort of the individual, we want to fit in were we feel we belong, so we learn to behave masculine or feminine.  For some of us, our biology doesn't match our mentality and we want to identify as feminine. But we can't. So tension and stress set in. When we cross-dress, that tension is momentarily relieved.
   It's not so much the dresses and heels we want to wear, but the social role of a woman we want. If the dressing norms were switched, we would be wearing dresses as proper men and looking at women's attire with jealousy.
   Just my thoughts on sense of well being we get crossdressing.

[Megan.]

OK, you asked for it! so here's my GD theory....
Evolutionary drives encourage us to seek specific traits, I.e. Men find a narrow waist, wide hips, red lips attractive, broadly speaking. My theory is that like many other species, an individual might also be driven to promote the appearance of those same traits, I.e. Peacocks fan out their tail feathers. What if it is this drive (amongst other possible things) that is misdirected in Trans* people, so that for MTF, we are motivated by instinct to promote and feel more comfortable when appearing more feminine, and promoting those traits.
This still does not explain the reason why we are how we are, but was the theory I came up with for my own comfort.
It's just a theory, please ignore or shoot down in flames 😁.

[aaajjj55]

What an interesting question.  I think there are many possible answers as motivations differ between individuals.  For some, it has a sexual angle (possibly emulating a type of woman that they otherwise feel would be unattainable), for others, it is the act of transformation rather than just the end result which is the motivator and for others it is just the feeling of being closer to what one considers one's true self.  I am sure that there are many more reasons.

For me, there was a definite sexual angle when I was younger and that made me fearful of 'dragging up' for fun in case I embarrassed myself in front of others.  Latterly, though, it has provided relief to my dysphoric feelings by enabling me to feel what I believe things should have been like.  However, as with anything, this relief is only transitory both from the point of view of the relief it gives before they dysphoria returns and from the point of view that the adequacy of the relief diminishes as the realisation sets in that putting on a dress, high heels and a wig does not a woman make.  In other words, the craving is for the totality of womanhood rather than just a particular part of it.

It would be interesting to read contributions to this thread from crossdressers for whom dressing is proactive rather than reactive to satisfy a craving or need.

[Trystlynn]

I'd have to agree with Amanda on the "transition" aspect of dressing, at least in my case and likely in some others. If we can look at the make up aspect of women in general and how they use it to make themselves more attractive and feminine looking, in many ways this is similar. Many women also use bust accentuation and corsets to "feminize" where they may be lacking as well. Why shouldn't I, who have not gone through the full transition scheduled my GRS yet, do the same? If the real work is on the inside first, then a stepping-stone such as cross-dressing is a perfect "fit" ...however... for some it IS all they really require to fulfill their needs. For me...it's a bridge.

~Trystlynn

[Jin]

Because, it just feels good! And it is fun!

And I always get hassled when I go out naked.

[KathyLauren]

What we commonly refer to as gender dysphoria, Anne Vitale calls "gender expression deprivation anxiety".  Seen in this light, it is about not being permitted to express our gender identity.  Since clothing is one of the most obvious and most accessible ways to express gender identity, cross-dressing makes complete sense.  For those who choose not to transition medically, it can provide long-term relief.

[JayceeTG]

For me I do it because I feel like its more than just cross dressing to me. When I first started to dress up in female clothes it was a major turn on for me but now its just something that I enjoy doing and I think it has more deep roots than just cross dressing and I think and feel like I should be a woman instead of a man. I love to wear a bra and breast forms to bed as well as matching panties and a garter belt and stockings, it just feels so normal and right to me. It is hard for me to explain it, it just feels better than my bland boring male clothes.

[BirlPower]

I only cross dress. I have no dysporia about my body except perhaps the beard. As the shame and fear gradually diminish I feel the urge to show the real me to the outside world. I've realised it is because I want the world to not see me as a man. I am male in many ways but not in others. I am female in many ways but not in others. I have come to hate being treated as a man. I'm not one. I'd probably grow tired of being treated like a woman if I could pass and the novelty wore off because I'm not one of those either. I am neither and both simultaneously, a sort of schroedinger's gender. Sometimes even I don't know what I'm going to get until confronted with a situation. So for me it is entirely social dysporia I think. I want to be treated as if my gender were irrelevant, I think I treat others that way, I'd like a little back please. Plus a lot of that stuff others have said. It makes me feel great in a lot of ways already mentioned but I think the above is my main driver, the rest is all bonus.

B

[josie76]

From my experience of life the cross dressing when younger just made me feel like my real self. A few times I literally experienced a feeling of disconnect from my reality for a few seconds. For instance once when I was around 13-14 I found the wedding dress my mom and grandma both wore. When I put it on for just a few moments I actually thought I would wear it on my wedding day. A moment later my gender reality came crashing back to my conscious mind. A moment of true happiness was paid for with pure dispair. That is my dysporia.

Today I dress in all female clothing at home. I shed my man act and am natural whatever that may be. I show pieces of myself in public more. I often wear women's skinny jeans or flare legged jeans to town. I have both of my ears pierced. Sometimes I don't take off my nail polish. I still am not on HRT so I generally don't try to dress to pass. If we are going to the city I just dress to be me. I honestly do not know what others think. Do they see me as a trans person or an extremely feminine gay man? I don't know. I do not think I am "flamey". I am very effeminate. I am just my natural me. For now I only have to fully male up for my work.
To me, dressing male is cross dressing.

OK, you asked for it! so here's my GD theory....
Evolutionary drives encourage us to seek specific traits, I.e. Men find a narrow waist, wide hips, red lips attractive, broadly speaking. My theory is that like many other species, an individual might also be driven to promote the appearance of those same traits, I.e. Peacocks fan out their tail feathers. What if it is this drive (amongst other possible things) that is misdirected in Trans* people, so that for MTF, we are motivated by instinct to promote and feel more comfortable when appearing more feminine, and promoting those traits.
This still does not explain the reason why we are how we are, but was the theory I came up with for my own comfort.
It's just a theory, please ignore or shoot down in flames 😁.

Instinct is exactly what I would call it. I know that's how I experience things, female instincts, definitely not male instincts in my thinking. So scientifically the hardwiring of behavioral instinct is in sections of the hypothalamus. What is known is certain sections are larger when androgenized in the second trimester. When it is larger it corresponds to typical male behavioral thinking. When smaller it corresponds with typical female behavioral thinking. It can be anywhere in between just depending on the androgenizing extent. What is also known is other sections change size when androgenized in the third trimester. These then correspond to sexual attraction instincts. We are mammals after all, despite what some people would like to think. We still behave as a species based on instincts.

[mac1]

There was a time when the dividing between women's and men's clothing was clearly defined. In the 1960's women crossed that line and moved it for them to the point that everything became acceptable for them. However, the line (other than the acceptable color range) never moved for men's clothing.

No matter what they wear women are never considered to be cross dressing.  The concept now only applies to men.  Why?

[notech64]

Why I do not know 99.9% of the time I am underdressed T shirt  underwear I always try find women s clothes shoes pants to wear openly without going full on girlie girl

[rbulova]

Me:  middle age, wear "granny panties" and androgynous-appearing women's clothing and sleepwear almost all of the time. Masculine in presentation.  Not interested in dressing in drag except on rare occasions in private.  No wig or makeup of course.  Always had difficulties relating to other men.  Best thoughts for a psychiatric cause is a syndrome called "Reactive Attachment Disorder" which you can Google.  I was never "one of the guys" and, while intelligent, have no leadership ability and sadly short on empathy.  Do socialize OK with gays.  Enjoy being an oral-giving bottom but, unlike with women, don't care for kissing and/or hugging another guy.  I've lost much of my penile sensitivity, so achieving an orgasm is now rare.  No real desire to become feminine but wish I had female genitalia or at least child-size boys.  Used to wear boys undies and shave my pubes well up into my thirties imagining that I was still a boy.  Often fantasize an orchiectomy since I don't feel like a "real" man, but have tried chemical castration on several occasions. 

If all this sounds confusing, it is to me.  Don't really know where I fit in.

[Valleys Girl]

Only just starting out but my only answer would be - it just feels natural to me to dress as I do.

[JeanetteLW]

   Oh gosh, as a life long cross-dresser I have asked / agonized over this, over and over again. I've hated myself for it, rationalized it, loved it. Like so many others, I've been through the buy/ purge cycle many many times. Since I am in the closet still, and live with a sister who does not know, I have to hide everything. Once again my stashes are full and overflowing. What to do? What to do? In many ways it is an addiction.
   But WHY do I do it? For me I think it started as envy of my sisters. I wanted to have the pretty things they had. There was the thrill of the "Taboo" when I first put on a shorts and top set a cousin staying with us left in the bathroom. It was exciting and deliciously forbidden. At this point I was too young for the sexual thrill. But yes several years later I was enthralled with the physical sensations of the clothes. I loved the feel of the materials, the feel of the fit, that strangeness of a bra around my chest, freedom of a skirt, the naughtiness of nothing between my panties and the air, I had an easy source of female garments to experience with four sisters. Then too, that sexual aspect started to come into play. Now I had another form of gratification to re-enforce my behavior. I believe it was somewhere around this time that the guilt started too and the feeling that I was perverted/sick. I felt wonderful when dress. It was exciting!, for a short time, then I'd feel disgusted with myself. The teen years were difficult times. I slowly came to accept it as a fetish, something I needed to do though still not quite right or accepted. I can't say how many times I promised myself "This is the last time"! I lied.
    Fast forward to enlisting in the navy and getting married. Both put a huge damper on my dressing but I found infrequent small ways to indulge. I finally came out to my wife and though she didn't like it, I was allowed to indulge to a point. The illicit sexual side of it had diminished but was not gone altogether.  By this time the clothes were not enough. I had added makeup and jewelry and a wig.  Many a morning I would dress totally, dress nicely for work but then I would reluctantly change back and go to work. Many times late because of it. I couldn't always get fully en femme, but when I could, I was in heaven. I felt at peace, a calmness descended over me. The stress of work, being a husband, a father, a "man"  melted away. I was a woman and it was right.
    Skip forward 20 or so years alcoholism, divorced, ex-wife outing me to my boss and friends, loss of job, thoughts of suicide, living where I could, sometimes with relatives, sometimes in my car. Yet always finding ways to dress. Always that feeling of relief from my problems.  Skip forward another twenty years. Things settle down, employment, stable housing, a DUII, no more drugs or alcohol, quit smoking, no more thoughts of doing myself in. Life is better the one constant is crossdressing. Still with the comfort it brings.
    Forward a few more years. cancer, job loss, infrequent employment. Life goes on. Return of cancer puts me on disability, I get on VA medical, Life is good again. I continue to crossdress but I start to realize it could be better. The feeling of serenity it gives could be improved. I could be a woman.
   It's not just the clothes anymore and it hasn't been for a good while. It's the life, the body, the emotions of a woman I want. I've started that ball rolling.

   Why do I crossdress? Because it's me.

     Jeanette
     

[barbie]

I don't understand, why would crossdressing be alleviating?   They're just garments after all, just pieces of fiber.   So what's the big deal?   Why would people be compelled to put on skirts/makeup or whatever?   It doesn't make much sense to me...

Both men and women seek their own beauty. It is not always related with sexual things.

Frankly speaking, I do not try hard to know the reasons.
I "just do it"
as the signature below my forum avatar says.

barbie~~

[Michelle_P]

How we dress, our clothing and overall appearance, is an expression of ourselves we make to both ourselves and the world around us.  Our choices in dress, as well as hair and other visible bits of expression, are a means of communicating what we see as our role in life to others.

The man, comfortable with his identity, dresses to express that identity.  Perhaps he feels casual and relaxed, in a T-shirt and jeans.  Perhaps he feels a bit macho, a bit aggressive, and dresses himself in dark colors, leather jacket, mirror shades.

A woman, comfortable in her identity, will dress to express that.  Chinos and a loose top, perhaps a colorful cardigan, when feeling casual and relaxed, just out running errands.  A dressy pantsuit, perhaps, when meeting with folks whom she wants to make a good impression on, coming across as professional and organized.

Each of us may dress to express our identity, or if fearful of how others may see us, we may dress to hide our identity, camouflaged to avoid discovery.

When I dress opposite my identity, intending to hide myself and deceive others as to my nature, I am cross-dressing.  I dress to present a person in a role that I hope others may accept as the real me.  My dress, my gender presentation, does not match my gender identity.  I am immensely uncomfortable with this, but I do this because it is expected of me by others, and it keeps me safe from discovery, and the discomfort that discovery would make in others.

That immense discomfort I felt was called gender dysphoria.  Over a long period of time, decades, the constant de-affirmation, discomfort, and psychic pressure eroded me, shredded my soul into pieces, and wrapped me in a shroud of suicidal depression.  I don't dress opposite my identity, cross-dress, any more.  It's bad for me.

When I dress to match my gender identity, I express that identity to both myself and the world around me.  I affirm my identity to myself.  The gender dysphora fades, and I am more relaxed, happier, and able to communicate with others with the shroud of depression lifted.

I don't cross-dress any more.  I identify as a female, and I dress as one.  I style my hair as one.  I do my makeup and nails as one.  I am altering my very body to affirm who I am.

I'm better for it.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[JeanetteLW]

Michelle_P,

I just want to say I like your answer. It could have come right out of a text book.

  Jeanette

[RobynD]

Yep it is all about choosing to project your identity and feeling good about it when you look in the mirror.

Why do sports fans wear their team's colors and jersey? They don't belong to the team. It is just cloth. Because it is the projection of one's identity.

Why do nudists choose to chuck societies clothing norms and hang out in the buff with each other, with all in public view? It is just skin and a body. It is an identity, a visual statement of your beliefs and values. ( and it is pretty darn peaceful and relaxing i will add)

[barbara1962]

For me, it's an attempt to escape the confining role expectation of the male gender. Men are expected to be aggressive and competitive while women stress cooperation and trying to get along with each other. This is obviously an oversimplification but it points in the general direction of my attitude. Wearing women's clothes helps me to feel less "stuck" in the male role. Right now, I still present as a man outside and at work, but usually wearing women's things (pants and tops). It helps. When I can get the voice and makeup right, I will attempt to go out as a woman on evenings and weekends. That will be a big step forward (for me at least).