TwoWoman; I am a bit late coming in to this thread. A lot has been said here to smoke your head even more then your husband's dropping of the T-Bomb.
The apparent reality on the ground, from my wife's perspective, is that I became an "Angry" person in the years prior to me finally doing something about being trans. She knew of my gender issues from about day 1, even began staying around the house during my monthly or so escapes from maleness spending the day cross-dressed. But as life marched on and the guilt of me stealing what little time she had with John, and especially me relying on distractions and diversions to "Quiet the noise", like burying myself more and more into work and finding a thousand things around the house that needed doing. I see now how during all that time I slowly changed into some lifeless, soulless Thing that only existed to do what was expected. No hopes, no wishes, no dreams, bar one given up on long long ago.
Eight years ago my world crashed around me. After much reflection I reasoned that the root cause was how I was NOT handling being TG. By the time I was returning home from my third ever TG Support group meeting I knew I needed to be there, and that it was almost too late to tell my wife what was up. The big problem is "talking", especially about such deep emotional things like this, was not something I could do. But I knew I needed to come up to speed fast if I wanted to do all I can to keep us together in spite of the total betrayal of some 30 plus years I was going to drop on her. BTW-Betrayal is a BIG hot button issue for her and for all these years we both had believed I was "Just a CD".
During our many difficult, deeply emotional talks in the ensuing months to years there might be "some" anger. During such times one has to expect that the reptilian brain will let loose, bypassing the normal filters. But we both also knew to listen to the message, not the words. I don't get this sort of vibe from your postings. It seems more of a "I don't to talk about it", shutting you down response. Even when you try the playing 20 questions route to find out what is going on inside his head.
If anything like most of us, a lot of what is going on is Shame & Guilt. We spent a lifetime living up to an image, perhaps even a Hollywood big screen version of that image. And now, you failed yourself big time by just giving in to entertaining the thought you might be trans. You feel even worse admitting to a loved one. So fight back even harder. I suppressed these emotions before, I can do it again. Or, the opposite response, full speed ahead, but.... don't admit it to anyone, even yourself. Or any number of other responses. All fueled by my two oldest friends, Shame & Guilt.
Will HRT change him? It depends. May not do a damn thing, totally depress him, or..... I relied on my on/off low dose HRT several times throughout the decades for the very badly needed brain-reset. Always stopping when the hormones eventually came into conflict with "The Prime Directive" of being a normal guy. Nothing says abnormal guy better then knowing things are starting to take a hit below the belt.
What physical affects HRT will have varies greatly and age is also a major factor. After about 3-4 years this old dinosaur has an almost for real B cup. Between my age, emotional state, and HRT, I suspect typical male penetrative sex is impossible. But the chances of that happening with my somewhat supportive wife is slim to none between "I cannot think of you as a husband with breasts nicer then mine" as well as her physical limitations.
While the physical aspects of HRT does freak out my wife, the amount of personal growth I have been able to achieve, how much of a.... not really different, a grown up younger version of me of some 40 years ago, the sort of person she can love even more then back when both of our hormones were in sync and raging.
All of the above only happens when BOTH parties to this partnership called marriage cooperate and compromise for your shared future dreams as well as what is needed today. Even then, how the other feels or does we have no control over. My wife and I have idea what the real future for us will look like. Her greatest fear is as learn more and more who I am, a male love interest may arise. I sort of fear it too as it is all too real of a possibility. A highly unlikely one today since I need to live and present primarily as male. (see compromises above). I may want to live full or part time as female, luckily I mostly do not need to. It's one day at a time for us both
