Like walking through deep mud.

[Daniellekai]

Moving forward in my goal to transition is hard, each step is anxiety inducing. Internally I know full well that I need this, but each new person I have to tell is a trial by fire. That first call to the therapist, coming out to people who it'd be impossible to hide transition from, more recently sat on the endocrinologist phone number for a couple days, now I need to call the therapist again to let her know they want a letter, and my GP because they want a history... I'm luckily already out to the GP, but it's one thing to say I'm trans and another to say I'm transitioning. At least for me, lol...

I'll get there though, not sure what I'm expecting for responses, just needed to vent.

[LizK]

Moving forward in my goal to transition is hard, each step is anxiety inducing. Internally I know full well that I need this, but each new person I have to tell is a trial by fire. That first call to the therapist, coming out to people who it'd be impossible to hide transition from, more recently sat on the endocrinologist phone number for a couple days, now I need to call the therapist again to let her know they want a letter, and my GP because they want a history... I'm luckily already out to the GP, but it's one thing to say I'm trans and another to say I'm transitioning. At least for me, lol...

I'll get there though, not sure what I'm expecting for responses, just needed to vent.

Its a bit scary when you make the enquiry and find out that it is a reality and the time is approaching where you are going to have to make a decision. You can go along and talk to the Dr first before taking any medication. You can make the decision as to if/when you transition.......or not....when you are comfortable to do so.

Coming out is scary, we take a risk with our most personal stuff....sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn't but the more you do come out the wider that closet door gets and pretty soon it doesn't matter anymore.

Liz

[Denise]

I like the analogy - Walking through mud.

It is slow but consider this:  It's actually twice as fast as you think.  Why?  For every step you take the distance behind you increases AND it's one less step you need yet take.  That makes two steps.

You mentioned telling people was a crap shoot (okay you said "trial by fire") - I found a solution that worked for me and received ZERO negative feedback from about 70 to 100 people (Yes I told that many people individually).
My coming-out conversation went like this:

Me: Have you ever heard of Gender Dysphoria?
Them: ... no.  (okay 3 had and it made the rest of that conversation much easier)
Me: It's the clinical diagnosis for people who are Transgender....
(short pause, 3 seconds maybe)
Me: ... and I've been diagnosed with it.  (Some times I would add: and I've been struggling since I was 4 with it)
(Long pause, 5 or 6 seconds maybe)
Them: Oooohhhhhh (as the light comes on)
....
Then I let them lead the discussion.

I felt that immediately removing the prospect of "this is a choice" from the conversation did a lot of things:
1) made it a medical issue
2) Not a choice
3) Others (professionals) have the same opinion (I had three professional diagnosis - all the same)
4) In some cases I think they felt pity or sorrow for me.

Then some of the funnier responses:
1) I knew something was different about you.  It was either you were Gay or ... but I never imagined transgender.
2) So that's why you are growing your hair out.  (This one was about 15 minutes into the conversation)
3) I guessed right - no surprise.  (This was a High School girlfriend who I had see one time in the last 30 years!)
4) That explains a lot of the recent changes (hair, earrings, attitude towards life)
5) We have got to go shopping - clothes, make-up, shoes, oh the shoes...  (We have since gone make-up shopping - THAT'S EXPENSIVE!)

i actually found it therapeutic telling people.  Less hiding allowed me to relax.

BTW - Since going full time my story is slightly shorter:  "I go by Denise now."  "Oh - congratulations?" (Yes typically a question implied) "Thank you." End of discussion.

[Janes Groove]

Are you having last minute jitters? That's pretty common I think.  I certainly had them. But once I finally introduced estrogen to my body that all went away.  One of the toughest coming outs I had was with my dentist and dental hygienist.  I discovered neither is really that comfortable with it tho they say they are and so I'm considering changing providers.

[AnneK]

One of the toughest coming outs I had was with my dentist and dental hygienist.

That's one area I doubt I'd have a problem.  My dentist, hygienist and doctor all know I wear pantyhose & nail polish and my doctor also knows I wear a bra.  I've not had any negative feelings from any of them and on one occasion my dentist complimented me on my earrings.

[Daniellekai]

Are you having last minute jitters? That's pretty common I think.  I certainly had them. But once I finally introduced estrogen to my body that all went away.  One of the toughest coming outs I had was with my dentist and dental hygienist.  I discovered neither is really that comfortable with it tho they say they are and so I'm considering changing providers.

It's not that exactly, just anxiety every time I need to talk about it out loud, it's pretty clearly the right road for me.

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Danielle,

  I know what you mean about it being hard to come out to those around you. After telling my primary doctor and having his support I found talking to others professionals to be fairly easy. There has been 4 of them so far and all want what's best for me.
  Family and friends on the other hand have been that trial by fire as you put it. I first told my daughter and her husband and I have to claim it as a small victory that they said I could stay the night afterward. But their acceptance wasn't really there. Instead my daughter looks at it as though I am broke in some way and if I would just let him God can fix me. She told my grand children and described them as being "devastated" by the news. She even asked for prayers on facebook to help them through this terrible time of heartbreak. She's always prayed for me to find the light but she's probably ramped up the prayers.
   I also came out to a couple of good friends and it was pretty much anticlimactic. They were surprised by it sure, but there was very little discussion about it at all. They did tell me I would have to do better than be trans and transitioning to make them stop loving me. would that all my future revelations be so low key.
   So yes my coming out is a slow drawn out process so far and I do not look forward to telling people but on the other hand my pills are still going into my moth easily and I'm talking to mt therapist. Slow but steady is fine for me there too. Well I have already tried to get my meds increased. lol

   Hang in there and do what you must. Slow you and I may be but we are making progress.

  Hugs,
     Jeanette

[Daniellekai]

I had a weird breakthrough the other day, after staying up too late the night before and getting up too early I was laying across the bed (perpendicular to how you would normally sleep in it), and half sleep half meditation, and I can't tell you now what the content was, but the result was an immediate increase in dysphoria (not good) and now if I need to tell someone I can say I realized that I'm transgender without stuttering or thinking about it... Of course I'm still not telling anyone who doesn't need to know, this was just the receptionist at the doctor, they needed to know to send relevant records to the endocrinologist. I was already out to the doctor, just not the receptionist... I couldn't even say that to the gender therapist without forcing myself to spit it out before though, and today it was as easy as saying I have​ a cold.

I got out of the mud so fast I bet I lost a shoe in it... Probably The dysphoria, now I'm slightly irked at being called sir by a stranger while presenting male... As for the meditation, not exactly sure what switch I flipped, I was half asleep, I know I was focused on accepting being trans, and specifically being able to say it out loud, if not to everyone, to people who logically won't have either a positive or negative reaction due to their professional status... But I knew that I should be able to do that before hand, and that knowledge alone didn't help, so what changed? Lol

[JeanetteLW]

I had a weird breakthrough the other day,.... I can say I realized that I'm transgender without stuttering or thinking about it...  I couldn't even say that to the gender therapist without forcing myself to spit it out before though, and today it was as easy as saying I have​ a cold.

I got out of the mud so fast I bet I lost a shoe in it...

I knew that I should be able to do that before hand, and that knowledge alone didn't help, so what changed? Lol

   Hi Danielle,

      Congrats !!

    Now can you reach back down and pull me out?  lol  I'm not going w/o my heels though, not even if I have to wallow in the mud forever.

  What changed? Well, m'dear you did. How? near as I can tell it was magic.  Whatever it was keep on moving forward.

  Hugs,
   Jeanette

[Janes Groove]

But I knew that I should be able to do that before hand, and that knowledge alone didn't help, so what changed? Lol

Maybe it's just a simple matter of "practice makes perfect."