Gender Therapy and fear

[amandam]

My second statement can be taken as insulting to some people, that is not the intent, the intent is to show my present state of mind. If I choose to transition, I will not be a babe, that I know. Would I choose that path now? No. In the future? Maybe. Sexism is not involved, my internal trans-phobia is. Any other definition is incorrect.

[rmaddy]

My second statement can be taken as insulting to some people, that is not the intent, the intent is to show my present state of mind. If I choose to transition, I will not be a babe, that I know. Would I choose that path now? No. In the future? Maybe. Sexism is not involved, my internal trans-phobia is. Any other definition is incorrect.

I get that you are only trying to show your state of mind, but the idea that the only sort of woman worth being is a "babe" is more than self-directed transphobia.  You're getting counseling.  This is good.  Still, you can only work on what you put on the table.  It is pointless to move towards being a woman if what you believe qualifies as a woman worth being is so deeply distorted.  That belief is inherently sexist, and you're going to have to deal with it at some point if you wish to progress.

[amandam]

We'll just have to agree to disagree. Sorry this is triggering you.

[amandam]

Well, I still have my nails. It's kinda fun taking care of them.  I also stopped with the weights. Don't even look at them. I'll just stretch more before my cardio. The first thing I have to do is lose weight. Maybe 30 lbs. I carry it high so I look more masculine with weight. Not that a potbelly is very fem. I am debating buying a Tria. Mostly just for hands, feet, n my three chest hairs. 

[elkie-t]

You shouldn't avoid weights. Weights are very powerful tool to shed weight. If your gym has a coach or fitness instructor, ask him/her to help with weight exercises to lose weight. Essentially, you should be targeting lower weights/ higher number of reps.

Also, theoretically it is possible to develop your butt muscles more with the right exercises too (squats, leg lifts). That would be good for you too

[amandam]

I know, but if I even look at weights the muscles grow. Scarey.

[elkie-t]

I know, but if I even look at weights the muscles grow. Scarey.

Look at smaller weights.

Do you have/plan HRT? If yes, extra muscles will become flabby/feminine with long-enough estrogen exposure. I've seen linebacker-built guys turning into feminine ladies on HRT.

Objectively: the best way to burn fat is to build muscles (they don't have to be bulky though, stretching exercises _after_ workout would help).

[amandam]

Not planning on hrt yet, doing small things to make managing my anxiety easier while I'm figuring this out.

[elkie-t]

I signed up for Krav Maga. It's a great workout and self-defense system taught to both men and women. Half of attendees are actually women and we all have a lot of fun learning to kick groin and punch-punch-punch. Great fitness too without weight.

[rmaddy]

I get why one might not want to develop more muscle, but my personal experience is that even maintaining post-HRT is nearly impossible.  I think the better shape you are in going into it (if that is your course--it might not be), the happier you will be in the long term.

[JoanneB]

I know, but if I even look at weights the muscles grow. Scarey.

If I walk pass a bakery a bakery and breath too deep I gain 5 lbs. Now THAT is scary

[amandam]

Well, I guess my goal at this point is to really thin out, maybe not like David Bowie, but thin enough. I have good shoulders for a guy, so those have to go, and will be the hardest to deal with. My shoulders are usually wider than guys taller than me. That's why I want to keep away from weights.

[rmaddy]

I don't know if this is yet to come, but I have lost mostly strength, but almost none of my bulk.  HRT since May 2015.

[amandam]

Well, I called in and asked for my six session therapist to recommend me a long-term therapist. I looked at the local transgender groups here and found one of my Facebook friend's friend! Also, at my job are high-profile people who are very politically active in the LGBTQ arena. So, there is a risk of being outed if I attend a group, even outed at work. That would be bad as I work with some very anti-whatever people. I have to think about groups for awhile before joining one. I figure continuing with therapy would be good because I am still new to this. I don't want to be on my own right now.

[JoanneB]

Well, I called in and asked for my six session therapist to recommend me a long-term therapist. I looked at the local transgender groups here and found one of my Facebook friend's friend! Also, at my job are high-profile people who are very politically active in the LGBTQ arena. So, there is a risk of being outed if I attend a group, even outed at work. That would be bad as I work with some very anti-whatever people. I have to think about groups for awhile before joining one. I figure continuing with therapy would be good because I am still new to this. I don't want to be on my own right now.

Generally speaking.... What happens in Group, Stays in Group

I would doubt that another member would start spouting, "Guess who should up at our secret society meeting this weekend"

[Jessica]

Well it looks like we're narrowing things down. I'm not a crossdresser, fetish or otherwise. I'm also not a transsexual, i.e., needing surgery. I'm in the middle somewhere on the spectrum, lean more toward female.

I have too many conditions to be a TS. I could transition if I could look like Marlo Thomas in my avatar, but not as a non-passing TS. I won't go there, that's my limit. I think if I was really TS, I wouldn't care. I would like electrolysis and may discuss with the wife. The idea of having breasts is very attractive, but not sure on that one. I would have to have the wife be okay with it and then decide if I need hormones or not. Not too sure though, it's a heavy step, health risks, etc. and what do I do if they show in guy mode? Yeah, maybe not, unless I wanted to go 24/7.

Could I live as a woman, yes. Would I? If I was good-looking, yes. If I was an obvious TS or not good-looking, no.  If FFS made me presentable would I? I don't know, it's an awful lot of pain, etc. to try to get there. Not sure I want to work that hard. I've been out crossdressed in my youth and was presentable, but now, I'd need a little work. I do know I need to move more toward the feminine to be happy. Lose weight, some electrolysis, etc.

I knew a TS once, I thought, hmmm, maybe. Then I saw an obvious TS who just didn't pass. I got a visceral response and thought, "no way, no effin way". I'm sorry if that is harsh. Just telling the truth.

Too many conditions being thrown up. While I want to be a woman, sometimes very badly, I don't "have to" be a woman. Who knows, maybe later I'll change my mind. But for now, no.

Please feel free to comment. 

It's like I wrote that, so similar.  At group last night that was the topic we talked about.  How there is such a huge variance in the non-binary world.  Myself, I go from one end of the spectrum to the other.  Comfortable in the in between too.  After a month or so of hrt I can say I feel good and at the moment in balance of my emotions and thought.  At some point I may say "this is enough" or I may say "I need to continue".
Hugs, Jessica

[amandam]

Generally speaking.... What happens in Group, Stays in Group

I would doubt that another member would start spouting, "Guess who should up at our secret society meeting this weekend"

I'm agree, but I'm talking about my own comfort factor. I want to do it, but baby steps.

[amandam]

It's like I wrote that, so similar.  At group last night that was the topic we talked about.  How there is such a huge variance in the non-binary world.  Myself, I go from one end of the spectrum to the other.  Comfortable in the in between too.  After a month or so of hrt I can say I feel good and at the moment in balance of my emotions and thought.  At some point I may say "this is enough" or I may say "I need to continue".
Hugs, Jessica

I just re-read what you quoted. Seems like I was trying to rationalize things. Maybe even a tad too much - "I'm trans, but certainly not one of those TS's". I don't know. Have to think on that one.

[amandam]

Great, texted wife that I saw a trans person at lunch. She responded, "eww". She knows I crossdress n am in therapy.

Update: I told her tonight that her comment bothered me. She gave me a look like an innocent dove and said she doesn't consider me like transgender people, I'm not the same. Well, technically, I'm not in transition, so no, I'm not like them. I told her, "Well, I have traits of both". She didn't seem fazed by it. We agreed to talk more. She is working out so, I will have to definiitely stress the spectrum part when we do.

[JoanneB]

Conversations are always.... educational. Sometimes things do slip past the filters. Try to listen to the message and not the words. With my wife I know we can get sidetracked easily, so if something was said that sort of hurt, I wait till later in the day to tell her. That way we stand a far better chance of staying on topic.

BTW - it is usually easy to get sidetracked when you'd rather not be actually talking about what you are