Can a tall person pass after transitioning? (MTF)

[vetra]

I'm extremely worried that I would be unable to pass due to being over 6ft tall if I did come out and start transitioning. What does everyone think? Please give honest answers and opinions.

Thank you so much! 

[V M]

Hi vetra

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

I wouldn't worry on it, I'm 6'2" and I've met cis women who are taller than me

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Hugs

V M

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am 6'2" and I don't seem to have problems. We have a member who is 6'5" and she also passes well. Height isn't normally an issue when passing and most of the time it's not a single item that the source of the problem. It's when enough feature combine that you have difficulty passing.

[vetra]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I am 6'2" and I don't seem to have problems. We have a member who is 6'5" and she also passes well. Height isn't normally an issue when passing and most of the time it's not a single item that the source of the problem. It's when enough feature combine that you have difficulty passing.

Thanks for the welcome!  That's good to hear. My height has been one of my major fears due to the fact while being in the closet, people talk a lot about my height. In fact, there is a running joke with my friends where they call me 'beanstalk'.

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun
I wouldn't worry on it, I'm 6'2" and I've met cis women who are taller than me

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along
Please be sure to review: ...

Hugs
V M

Thank you! I did a quick read through the rules. I feel like I'm near the end of the questioning road right now, so I'm worried about every little thing. Haha

[Ashley3]

I'm extremely worried that I would be unable to pass due to being over 6ft tall if I did come out and start transitioning. What does everyone think? Please give honest answers and opinions.

Thank you so much! 

As with all questions regarding passing, I think it depends. It depends on the steps one takes, the environment/context, things beyond probably what I personally know about.

I'm 6'1" and have had times of doubt and times of great (positive) surprise. I also am larger than a typical ciswoman, broader shoulders and all that. Also voice is a biggie. I've made some strides but it is the biggest thing that gives me away... but I've made strides and I keep on working on it. I don't want to find the stereotype voice as much as my own voice, if that makes sense... but part of my effort is to make attempts at stereotypes... it's a give/take there to find a happy medium or zone of effort.

My current focus is to find happiness in how I feel about myself which is different than having to pass 100% to be happy. I'm prepared to reconcile I'll never pass 100% time, while also not giving up on my ability to fit positively into the role, including efforts to be as close to 100% as I can discover. I try to remember how much I thought I'd never improve or get over certain things only to be pleasantly surprised if not much more so.

So height is not the only thing, and being over 6' is not a definite deal-breaker but I also don't want to make it sound like it's a breeze...  but I'm also referring to height and related "bigness" like broader shoulders, posture, how do I overall appear? I try to be honest with myself... sometimes I'll video myself walking across the room, or cleaning up the house, so I can play it back a few days later to see what i think... that's a great tool. You can see yourself at different angles, leaning over, cooking or whatever. It helps me see what to improve and perhaps what to accept until I improve (assuming I do... or perhaps help me reconcile if I don't).

For me it's been a journey of having faith in my chances with a little reconciliation along the way. I feel mind over matter is what I believe in, but I'm okay relaxing into wherever I am along the way. I'd prefer to be happy as an authentic feminine self than defeated because I don't pass based on how others rate me.

Today I wore my hair down for the first time shopping... hadn't done that before... but today something just worked... I think it was some hair care steps coupled with where my mind was at. I sort of feel the mind is really powerful here. And today I was very confident out and about... didn't even think of my height... not that I do think of it normally but I've sometimes thought of myself as too tall. So perhaps I had confidence today and my mind was in a powerful place, so the hair and height and voice worked. Likely each is not reaching a perfect "passing" bar but I bet less folks noticed... I think folks see non-passing more when someone's mind is really negative about where one is at... so going back to what I said above, my current mode to really enjoy transition by being the feminine self I can be. A big part of that seems to be having the right frame of mind.

We live in a new world... it's okay for people born as genetic males to express in a feminine way, to live in the female role, to work to pass as a woman... many levels in there... so I feel there's more room these days for each of us to define our own journey... women have done that since the beginning of time (as have men)... so there's no reason why you can't figure out how to be your own woman given who you are ... I think I'm saying I feel that's the healthiest approach I've found for myself.

Regardless of height... just make it work the right way for you.

[rmaddy]

Welcome to Susan's.

Is the goal to pass or is the goal to be happy and well adjusted?  I certainly think that passing might make transition easier, but in my experience, relatively few trans women pass 100% of the time, and many of those whom I know personally who state they do clearly don't.  All I infer from this is that a) we want to be seen as women, b) We feel disappointed when we are not.  I am no different in this regard.

A recent anecdote might help:

I was in a long line for the women's room this weekend.  An elderly woman behind me touched my shoulder and said, "Goodness honey, how tall are you?" 

"Six foot two," I lied (I'm 6'3").

To my ear, her question indicated to me that I passed for her up to that moment.  Of course, she was behind me and we had not yet spoken.  Whether I passed when I spoke or when she saw my face is beyond my knowledge.  What I do know is that we shared a smile and co-existed in our mutual wait for a brief time.  She treated me like a woman, and that was sufficient for me.

Whether or not your transgender past is invisible to people is largely dependent on factors beyond your control.  Yes, you can practice mannerisms and speech, and you may choose to do this, but I would still be willing to bet, simply because you asked the question and are well beyond average size for a woman, that you will be recognized as transgender from time to time, if not much of the time.  Can you live with that?

If I want to be seen as a cis female, I will often be disappointed. If I want to be treated like a woman, I will usually be quite pleased, whether or not they can tell I am trans.  Such is life in 2017.  This is not to say that being trans is easy.  At times it is quite difficult.  People who, through fortune of genetics or aptitude for mimicry, consistently pass may present smaller targets for transphobic violence.  This does not mean that they are happy or unhappy per se.  That depends on their goals and experiences.

If you spend much time here, you will encounter a lot of people loaded with angst about whether or not they pass.  My advice is try to let it go.  Expending a lot of effort to keep one's personal history hidden post transition is like stepping out of one closet and into another.

You are who you are.  You were who you were.  Who you will be is up to you.  Don't leave it up to total strangers.

[vetra]

As with all questions regarding passing, I think it depends. It depends on the steps one takes, the environment/context, things beyond probably what I...

Thank you so much. That really sticks out to me. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm in such an early stage that I feel like I have a lot to learn. I've just been worrying about every little thing. No one knows that I have been thinking about such things in my life at the moment. I only told one close friend that I've been needing to go to a therapist for something I wasn't comfortable talking about. I hope to over time to be more confident and comfortable with who I am.  Thank you.

Welcome to Susan's.

Is the goal to pass or is the goal to be happy and well adjusted?  I certainly think that passing might make transition easier, but in my experience, relatively few trans women pass 100% of the time, and many of those whom I know personally who state they do clearly don't.  All I infer from this is that a) we want to be seen as women, b) We feel disappointed when...

Thank you for the welcome and your experience. I'm pretty much at the end of the questioning road so I'm trying to understand everything that is ahead of me. I feel that I will learn the most when I start getting experience talking to people about it.

[Sophia Sage]

Being tall means being noticed.  By itself, it won't get you clocked.  There are very tall women in the world, and they don't get misgendered just for being tall.

When it comes to passing, what does matter is the "gestalt" you present to the world, like Dena said.  That begins with your face and your voice.  Facial hair removal is a must.  As is training your voice.  They will both take some time, so get started now!  And for many of us, facial surgery is also necessary to pass consistently over the long-term.

Beyond that there's the matter of body proportions.  Sometimes HRT can be transformational, helping us to grow breasts and redistribute fat to our hips and derriere.  Sometimes we also need additional help in this department -- like getting breast implants and a "Brazilian Butt Lift" (where fat from other parts of the body, like the belly and flanks, is harvested and transferred).  Obviously, bottom surgery (called GCS today, SRS back in the day) is pretty much required to pass when naked. 

After that, passing is largely what's between your ears and how you present yourself to the world day in and day out.  On the easy end of this are things like makeup and an appropriate wardrobe (though frankly it's nice to pass without makeup).  Mannerisms have been brought up, true.  More important is the matter of socialization, of understanding how to participate in conversations and what social protocols are expected of women in our culture -- in my opinion, this all hinges on active empathy. 

Finally, if you don't want to be misgendered after you've gotten to the point where people gender you correctly, you might want to consider practicing non-disclosure -- which is simply a matter of not telling people your medical history... and removing yourself from as many situations where that medical history is already disclosed.

-----------

Of all this, what's most important as far as I'm concerned is voice.  I've been stealth for nearly two decades.  In that time I've been misgendered a handful of times (I'm tall and a bit stocky) in casual public situations -- standing in line at the grocery store, for example.  Each one of those times, though, as soon as I spoke the person behind the counter practically fell over themselves to apologize, with completely appropriate gendering now locked into place. 

Having a very good voice is the only thing I know that can reverse a potential clocking. 

There are some who say what's most crucial is your own confidence and belief in yourself.  I agree actually... because I believe these things are also crucial to finding your voice. This is ultimately a spiritual journey you're going on, for lack of a better phrase.  I wish you the very best of luck.

[elkie-t]

Your height would bring attention, and unless you are extremely lucky and deep down the road, attention will get you clocked. So, don't fool yourself thinking you can fool anyone but the most unobservant dude from the distance of 100 yards.

Having said that, in this year (2017) and in this country (USA) it is not popular among general public to tell you anything negative. People would either ignore you if they don't approve, or genuinely like you if they think you're brave to be you. I'd rather not worry about what other people think, only how you want to live the rest of your life.


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[Julia1996]

I think all transwomen get outed when they first transition. And a lot of the time we bring it on ourselves by the way we act. When I first transitioned I developed like social anxiety. I wouldn't go anywhere I didn't absolutely have to. My dad finally started making me go places with him. He would take me to the mall and we would spend like half an hour walking around. We weren't shopping. My dad was forcing me to interact with people. He told me what would get me outed was the way I was acting. He said I was acting totally suspicious.  (He's a cop) He said not making eye contact with anyone, looking at the floor and walking against the wall like I was trying to blend into it were all things that made other people suspicious . The one thing that he said stuck out to me. He asked me if I thought it was wrong to be trans. I told him of course I didn't.  He said " then stop acting like you're doing something wrong. You're not". Because of the way society treats trans people and especially how some trans people are treated by their families,  when we first transition we feel like we are doing something wrong. And to a lot of people we are. But screw them! It's easy for a person to judge us when they have no clue what it's like to be trans. Even if you're not very passable if you carry yourself with pride and confidence people aren't as likely to judge you as harshly. 

I think I pass pretty well but I can't know that for sure. Just because no one has said anything to me doesn't mean they didn't out me. I won't say I don't care if I pass or not because I totally do but I can't let the fear of being potentially outed hold me back or I would never leave home and I would become like a shut in or something and start hoarding cats and aluminum cans.

Just remember that you have every right to be yourself and you're totally not doing anything wrong or that you should feel ashamed about. That's another thing people like to throw out there.  My uncle asked me once if I was not ashamed about transitioning. I told him the only thing I was ashamed of was him for being so ignorant and small minded.
Julia. 

[warlockmaker]

Tall women are statuesque and beautiful. Do you want to pass or looking more beautiful than a cis female. In Thailand they say if the female is too beautiful and tall its a Katoey (tg). Be happy with who you are, thats where true beauty lies.

[Janes Groove]

He asked me if I thought it was wrong to be trans. I told him of course I didn't.  He said " then stop acting like you're doing something wrong. You're not".

My gosh. If only more trans people would adopt that attitude.

[Soli]

I had identified my height, 6' tall, and my voice, to be the 2 main elements why I would never pass. That was last year. This summer, most everyone says Miss to me, and it's certainly quite obvious that I'm not a cis woman, but it seems like I now have enough feminine features to outweigh even my voice.

I still meet haters too, but most people on the street smile in support to me, especially cis women, but men also.

I said last year: I'll never pass.
I'm saying this year: it doesn't matter
I feel good, I feel sexy

passing doesn't matter, what counts is being I guess accepted as who we are, and that seems to come easily once we accept ourselves?? idk, not sure, but for sure the more I feel comfortable as what and who I am, the less I see commotion of people around me, is it that I notice it less, is it less there... va savoir

[Gertrude]

I think all transwomen get outed when they first transition. And a lot of the time we bring it on ourselves by the way we act. When I first transitioned I developed like social anxiety. I wouldn't go anywhere I didn't absolutely have to. My dad finally started making me go places with him. He would take me to the mall and we would spend like half an hour walking around. We weren't shopping. My dad was forcing me to interact with people. He told me what would get me outed was the way I was acting. He said I was acting totally suspicious.  (He's a cop) He said not making eye contact with anyone, looking at the floor and walking against the wall like I was trying to blend into it were all things that made other people suspicious . The one thing that he said stuck out to me. He asked me if I thought it was wrong to be trans. I told him of course I didn't.  He said " then stop acting like you're doing something wrong. You're not". Because of the way society treats trans people and especially how some trans people are treated by their families,  when we first transition we feel like we are doing something wrong. And to a lot of people we are. But screw them! It's easy for a person to judge us when they have no clue what it's like to be trans. Even if you're not very passable if you carry yourself with pride and confidence people aren't as likely to judge you as harshly. 

I think I pass pretty well but I can't know that for sure. Just because no one has said anything to me doesn't mean they didn't out me. I won't say I don't care if I pass or not because I totally do but I can't let the fear of being potentially outed hold me back or I would never leave home and I would become like a shut in or something and start hoarding cats and aluminum cans.

Just remember that you have every right to be yourself and you're totally not doing anything wrong or that you should feel ashamed about. That's another thing people like to throw out there.  My uncle asked me once if I was not ashamed about transitioning. I told him the only thing I was ashamed of was him for being so ignorant and small minded.
Julia.

Yup. Doing something wrong=shame. Shame is bad, at least in this case. It's paying a debt we don't owe.


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[I Am Jess]

I'm 6'2" and wear 3" heels everyday at work.  I have no problems with passing in my day to day interactions with people.  It all starts from within.  Attitude and confidence go a long way in not getting me clocked.  I know I am a woman and that's what I show the world.  I have only had a couple of incidents since I transitioned and only one of those was negative (the fact I was walking outside of a club on trans night may have played a role in that incident). 

I was afraid when I started out on my journey and now I don't give it a second thought.  I am just a tall woman (who happens to be trans) making her way through life.

[J2J]

6ft here, it's the main reason why I have anxiety over the process.

I do look at tall women clothing shops and think hey, there's tall cis-women to but hey ho....

[Dena]

6ft here, it's the main reason why I have anxiety over the process.

I do look at tall women clothing shops and think hey, there's tall cis-women to but hey ho....

The thing to do is look at a site that caters to tall women exclusively. One of them is Long Tall Sally. All of the models have to be tall just to be able to show the fashions.

[staciM]

The thing to do is look at a site that caters to tall women exclusively. One of them is Long Tall Sally. All of the models have to be tall just to be able to show the fashions.

Something related that may also give you some additional confidence.  On that site, there are "regular" woman (not the models) that submit reviews and some have their physical stats/sizing listed.  There are many 6'+ woman providing reviews and I don't think they are all trans

[vetra]

Everyone has given such amazing advice and heart warming stories! It really helps. Height is just something I have to accept. Haha I think the largest problem is that I realized while reading that I haven't accepted my height while being in the closet. It's really a lot to think about and I would like to thank everyone for their stories and advice!

[Sydney_NYC]

I'm a little over 6'5" and don't have any issues with passing. My voice is really good so that does help. You will get noticed more, but it doesn't automatically clock you as trans. I know 2 cis woman taller than me. One 6'6" and the other 6'9" plus another who is the same height as me.