On life's bumpy road

[Sarah_P]

Ok, garage sale done. And I am so sore.... my mom's on some new meds and she couldn't help much Friday, and was MIA all day Saturday. Plus my dad is useless, so I set up and ran the entire sale myself. Good news I sold a lot of stuff, made about $140. Should be getting another $40 next Friday, a guy I know wants to buy my old drafting/crafting table (I used it to build and paint anime models!). Didn't sell the bed, but we're having another sale in a month after my dad finally moves out. Thankfully they have room to store what didn't sell for now.

Got my storage space, which I claim on Wednesday. Then the hauling begins. Wish I could afford a uhaul truck or had a hitch on my car,. So I'll be making extra trips in my car. Got a friend helping move larger stuff in his truck next Saturday, but I don't know if he'd be willing to make the trip twice. We'll see.

Not sure exactly when I'll be officially moved in  (ie, when the cat gets moved). Definitely within the next week

So.... my dad. This is the first time we've spoken since my coming out, and the first time he's seen Sarah (Though I was hardly looking all that fabulous). Never once did he ask how I was doing, if this was working out for me, or how I was feeling. In fact, the first thing he asked was to fix his tv(he'd somehow activated the store demo mode). My mom also mentioned that before I came over, she was making sure he understood that I was Sarah, not -deadname-, and that I was his daughter. He basically said that he wanted a son, and that's what I'd always be to him. Sigh. Don't worry, it doesn't make me sad, I have no emotional attachment to him anyway. Hes always lived in his own little selfish world, so that's where he can stay. I didn't tell him about Alexa, or that I was moving. After he moves out, I'll probably never see him again. Good riddance.

Thankfully my mom is moving to the kc area soon, so well still see each other often. Also, my BFF and her family may be moving there soon, too!

[Northern Star Girl]

Sarah:  Nice to see your latest update and all the things you are trying to get done.

Oh, yeah, garage sales are a good way to make a little extra money for things that you do not need or want any longer....   As you know, it is a lot of work however... there are times that when I have had less than successful garage sales and considering all of my time that it required and the pitiful amount of money that I got, I sometimes thought it would have just been more expedient to take it all to the dump and/or Goodwill and be done with it.

Ahhhhh, storage places..... just be careful that you don't spend hard earned money on a storage unit to store stuff that should have been taken to the dump....   I see it happen a lot, where some folks can no longer afford the monthly charges for the storage unit, then surrender it to the owner and then all that is found in there is mostly junk...  On television I had sometimes watched "Storage Wars" .... very interesting  and eye-opening for sure.

I imagine that you can hardly wait to get moved in to your new place.... exciting and rewarding times for sure.  It will be nice for you to do the little things there in your new place... to make it YOUR HOME.

So sad to hear your situation and issues with your dad....  he is your dad however so deal with it however you feel it is best...
I can identify with much of what you stated about your dad.  I have been transitioning for over 4 years, and 3+ years of HRT, and living full-time for over a year and a half.... and my dad will still not recognize the new me, nor does he even utter more than a few words to me even when I call him on the phone specifically....  it is usually a very brief and one-sided conversation.   My mom, however just last Christmas when I called her on the phone finally called me Danielle for the very first time....  she has not stated that she accepts me as a trans-woman but I do think that she may be coming around.  That too, unfortunately was a guarded and brief conversation...  I am planning to call her today to wish her Happy Mother's Day and to tell her that I love her and appreciate her.  ....  after all, she is my mother and deserves my respect for that.

Please keep your updates up to date.......  I am always interested in how you are dealing with your transition.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[MissyMay2.0]

Sarah: 
So sad to hear your situation and issues with your dad....  he is your dad however so deal with it however you feel it is best...
I can identify with much of what you stated about your dad.  I have been transitioning for over 4 years, and 3+ years of HRT, and living full-time for over a year and a half.... and my dad will still not recognize the new me, nor does he even utter more than a few words to me even when I call him on the phone specifically....  it is usually a very brief and one-sided conversation.   My mom, however just last Christmas when I called her on the phone finally called me Danielle for the very first time....  she has not stated that she accepts me as a trans-woman but I do think that she may be coming around.  That too, unfortunately was a guarded and brief conversation...  I am planning to call her today to wish her Happy Mother's Day and to tell her that I love her and appreciate her.  ....  after all, she is my mother and deserves my respect for that.

Please keep your updates up to date.......  I am always interested in how you are dealing with your transition.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Yeah Dad issues can be tough; my relationship with my Dad was always strained; he served in the Marines (recon), so it was kind of like growing up in boot camp, so when I actually went to boot camp it was super easy, so I guess that's a positive, but I always resented him for being so tough on me; so it really surprised me how easily he accepted that I am trans.

[Alyssa Bree]

Hi Sarah!

Mega-congratulations on your move!! Those recent pictures you posted, by the way, are simply fantastic! I will be reading this from now on. I am a little late to the party lol.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[Jayne01]

Hi Sarah, congratulations on your move and starting a new life in a new home. I hope the cat likes the new place [emoji16]

Moving home is a good opportunity to sort through your stuff and decide what is worth keeping, selling or throwing/giving away.

Sorry to hear about the situation with your dad. You haven't had a close relationship with him in the past, but he is still your dad. It must be hard for you. (((Hug)))

Take care.

Jayne

[Roll]

(I used it to build and paint anime models!).

Ah, beautiful nerdy girls are the best. <3

Also sorry to hear about how it is with your dad, but honestly... I wouldn't give up hope. There may come a time where he realizes without you around that he values you just for being you, and not because of your gender or his views on it. Family can be weird that way. I talk about my dad a lot in mostly positive context of late, but the truth is that there was a whole lot of distance between us for many, many years after my parents' divorce. When situations change, priorities change, and people realize what truly matters.

[Sarah_P]

Yeah Dad issues can be tough; my relationship with my Dad was always strained; he served in the Marines (recon), so it was kind of like growing up in boot camp, so when I actually went to boot camp it was super easy, so I guess that's a positive, but I always resented him for being so tough on me; so it really surprised me how easily he accepted that I am trans.

Hi Sarah!

Mega-congratulations on your move!! Those recent pictures you posted, by the way, are simply fantastic! I will be reading this from now on. I am a little late to the party lol.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

Hello to you both! Thanks for stopping by my little corner. I really should post more. I also feel bad I haven't been keeping up with everyone else here, or chiming in with the newer members. Just not a lot of time these days! Hopefully things will settle down relatively soon.

[Sarah_P]

Thank you everyone, but my transness is only one item in the pile of issues I have with my dad. I wasn't kidding when I called him selfish. Literally everything he has done in his life was for himself. He has no problems borrowing money from friends or family and then laughing when they want him to pay them back. In fact, when I was a teenager and saving money for my first PC (my 386! With 30mb of RAM!), he took all the money out of my bank account so he could buy something for himself. I never knew about this until a few years ago when my mom told me. She found out about it not long after it happened and replaced my savings from her own. And this is my STEP-mother! We'd only even known each other a couple years at this point. This is one of the many reasons why I consider her my true mother (not trying to murder me is a big bonus in my book, too).

He's permanently crippled himself by not doing what the doctors all told him after his knee surgery. He's absolutely convinced that he's the only one who knows anything, and everyone else are idiots. It's also because the physical therapy hurt. So instead of working through that pain and being able to move around normally, he's in regular pain and it takes him five minutes just to stand up with his walker, and can only shuffle around. Both my mom and I tried for years to convince him to listen and do what he was told, but no go.

He makes more money in retirement than I made at a full-time job, but he's always broke because he buys magazines, junk food, and pay-per-view movies (and who knows how much junk from publishers clearinghouse). He doesn't pay his bills - including rent, which then leaves it up to my mom to cover it so they're not evicted.

He's only getting worse as he gets older, too. He's still not legally incompetent, but he really should be. The worst thing about all this is he's been pulled my mom down with him, draining all her savings and ruining her credit, too. He's also intentionally (though he feigns otherwise) worked to sabotage her efforts to get a new degree and start her own career. Thankfully the divorce is happening soon, and she'll be free of him.

These are only a few examples. I could go on for a loooong time about the things he's done. I don't even think he even knows he's this way, or that there's something very wrong with it. He won't listen to others. Only thing to do is to cut yourself off from him.

[Jayne01]

Thank you everyone, but my transness is only one item in the pile of issues I have with my dad. I wasn't kidding when I called him selfish. Literally everything he has done in his life was for himself. He has no problems borrowing money from friends or family and then laughing when they want him to pay them back. In fact, when I was a teenager and saving money for my first PC (my 386! With 30mb of RAM!), he took all the money out of my bank account so he could buy something for himself. I never knew about this until a few years ago when my mom told me. She found out about it not long after it happened and replaced my savings from her own. And this is my STEP-mother! We'd only even known each other a couple years at this point. This is one of the many reasons why I consider her my true mother (not trying to murder me is a big bonus in my book, too).

He's permanently crippled himself by not doing what the doctors all told him after his knee surgery. He's absolutely convinced that he's the only one who knows anything, and everyone else are idiots. It's also because the physical therapy hurt. So instead of working through that pain and being able to move around normally, he's in regular pain and it takes him five minutes just to stand up with his walker, and can only shuffle around. Both my mom and I tried for years to convince him to listen and do what he was told, but no go.

He makes more money in retirement than I made at a full-time job, but he's always broke because he buys magazines, junk food, and pay-per-view movies (and who knows how much junk from publishers clearinghouse). He doesn't pay his bills - including rent, which then leaves it up to my mom to cover it so they're not evicted.

He's only getting worse as he gets older, too. He's still not legally incompetent, but he really should be. The worst thing about all this is he's been pulled my mom down with him, draining all her savings and ruining her credit, too. He's also intentionally (though he feigns otherwise) worked to sabotage her efforts to get a new degree and start her own career. Thankfully the divorce is happening soon, and she'll be free of him.

These are only a few examples. I could go on for a loooong time about the things he's done. I don't even think he even knows he's this way, or that there's something very wrong with it. He won't listen to others. Only thing to do is to cut yourself off from him.

I don't know how to respond to that. All I can say is I am sorry and offer you a hug.

((((HUG)))))

Jayne

[Sarah_P]

On a brighter note, got another email from my sister! Turns out she's been travelling a lot for work and just didn't have time to get back to me. She told our eldest sister about me, and she was apparently happy for me too! Yay! Need to email them both.

[Jayne01]

On a brighter note, got another email from my sister! Turns out she's been travelling a lot for work and just didn't have time to get back to me. She told our eldest sister about me, and she was apparently happy for me too! Yay! Need to email them both.

That's great news! She probably also needed some time to process the news. It would have taken some time for things to really sink in.
Do your sisters live nearby to visit in person?

Jayne

[Sarah_P]

That's great news! She probably also needed some time to process the news. It would have taken some time for things to really sink in.
Do your sisters live nearby to visit in person?

Jayne

Sadly no. Arizona and San Diego.

[MissyMay2.0]

On a brighter note, got another email from my sister! Turns out she's been travelling a lot for work and just didn't have time to get back to me. She told our eldest sister about me, and she was apparently happy for me too! Yay! Need to email them both.

It's very nice to have your sisters' support! My oldest sister accepted me from the beginning, albeit there was some reluctance at first; and my younger sister shunned me for several years, but my oldest sister and I had a very close relationship growing up since we are the first born and she is only about a year and a half older than me; and my younger sister is 7 years younger.

[Alyssa Bree]

That's so awesome Sarah! Hooray for support...and love...and kindness.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[Sarah_P]

Whew... OK, I am officially completely moved. Actually I have been for over a week, but getting everything (somewhat) organized and figuring out the whole living together thing took a while (as did the  celebration!). Still have a few items to take to storage. I'm officially out of Fort Scott Kansas and officially into Lee's Summit Missouri. I still need to do a lot of official things, like get a new drivers license, bank (my previous bank has no branch up here), and car registration. Hopefully getting that done this week.

I've got a job interview with another library on June 4th, so got my fingers crossed for that. Reasonably good pay for it, too (at least much higher than I made in Fort Scott!). We've also got KC Pride coming up on the 1-3 (We're going on the 2nd), which from what I hear isn't all that exciting, but I'm sure I'll enjoy anyway.

Last week we met 3 of Alexa's friends at a place down on the riverfront called Pawn & Pint, which is pretty awesome - it's a board game cafe, and they've got a HUGE selection of games, or you can bring your own! Looking forward to more of that. I love board & card games (the fun card games - not poker or that nonsense). I think we're also planning on going to Worlds of Fun (really big amusement park) at some point this summer.

One thing I keep forgetting to do is more selfies, and pictures of the two of us. I'm bad at remembering that. Actually, I'm bad at remembering anything... I'll definitely take pictures at Pride though.

My cat Cougar (or as it's spelled properly, Kuuga) is adjusting slowly. He's gotten used to the apartment for the most part, but isn't happy about Nigel (Alexa's cat). He hisses at poor Nigel all the time, and Nigel just ignores him completely. Until he got in Nigel's face and got a whap to the nose (deservedly so). The hissing has calmed somewhat, so I'm hopping he'll become at least tolerant if not friends eventually. He's started adjusting to Alexa, too - even let her pet him the other day.

There is however, sad news. My other cat, Kina, is gone. Multiple reasons, but primarily she was suffering from kidney failure, and there's no recovering from that. I didn't have the money or means to properly care for her, and the vet said the chance for adoption at her age (16) and condition was nil. She was never more than tolerant of me, and never seemed very happy. I wish I had found a better home for her when she was young, but I was sure she'd come around eventually. She also liked to chew on wires, which would have been very bad for Alexa since she often works from home (and it's highly unlikely we could have hidden all her wires so they'd be safe). Even though she spent most of the time hissing at him, I know Cougar misses her, too. I truly wish I could have been a better kitty parent too her, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do. 

RIP Kina Patton 2002-2018



She loved her boxes.

[Jayne01]

Whew... OK, I am officially completely moved. Actually I have been for over a week, but getting everything (somewhat) organized and figuring out the whole living together thing took a while (as did the  celebration!). Still have a few items to take to storage. I'm officially out of Fort Scott Kansas and officially into Lee's Summit Missouri. I still need to do a lot of official things, like get a new drivers license, bank (my previous bank has no branch up here), and car registration. Hopefully getting that done this week.

I've got a job interview with another library on June 4th, so got my fingers crossed for that. Reasonably good pay for it, too (at least much higher than I made in Fort Scott!). We've also got KC Pride coming up on the 1-3 (We're going on the 2nd), which from what I hear isn't all that exciting, but I'm sure I'll enjoy anyway.

Last week we met 3 of Alexa's friends at a place down on the riverfront called Pawn & Pint, which is pretty awesome - it's a board game cafe, and they've got a HUGE selection of games, or you can bring your own! Looking forward to more of that. I love board & card games (the fun card games - not poker or that nonsense). I think we're also planning on going to Worlds of Fun (really big amusement park) at some point this summer.

One thing I keep forgetting to do is more selfies, and pictures of the two of us. I'm bad at remembering that. Actually, I'm bad at remembering anything... I'll definitely take pictures at Pride though.

My cat Cougar (or as it's spelled properly, Kuuga) is adjusting slowly. He's gotten used to the apartment for the most part, but isn't happy about Nigel (Alexa's cat). He hisses at poor Nigel all the time, and Nigel just ignores him completely. Until he got in Nigel's face and got a whap to the nose (deservedly so). The hissing has calmed somewhat, so I'm hopping he'll become at least tolerant if not friends eventually. He's started adjusting to Alexa, too - even let her pet him the other day.

There is however, sad news. My other cat, Kina, is gone. Multiple reasons, but primarily she was suffering from kidney failure, and there's no recovering from that. I didn't have the money or means to properly care for her, and the vet said the chance for adoption at her age (16) and condition was nil. She was never more than tolerant of me, and never seemed very happy. I wish I had found a better home for her when she was young, but I was sure she'd come around eventually. She also liked to chew on wires, which would have been very bad for Alexa since she often works from home (and it's highly unlikely we could have hidden all her wires so they'd be safe). Even though she spent most of the time hissing at him, I know Cougar misses her, too. I truly wish I could have been a better kitty parent too her, but sometimes there's just nothing you can do. 

RIP Kina Patton 2002-2018

She loved her boxes.

Hi Sarah,

Glad to see the move went well and you are starting to settle in. Hopefully Kuuga and Nigel can become friends. Sorry to hear about Kina. It's hard when a loved pet goes, even if all she managed was to tolerate you. They each have their own personalities and become a family member.

Good luck with the job interview on 4th June. I've got my fingers crossed for you too.

The board game cafe sounds like fun. I don't even know if we have such a place here. I need to get out more...[emoji23]

Also. Enjoy the KC Pride. And pictures please. You know the rule, pictures or it didn't happen.... that might be @KathyLauren's rule, but it has been adopted by all.

Thanks for your update.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Roll]

Sorry to hear about your kitty. :/ I've been struggling with dealing with my remaining cat of late and thinking about moving in the coming months.

[Sarah_P]

Thanks Jayne. I'm hoping to get out a lot more now. There's tons to do now that I'm back to civilization. Btw, love your new pic!

Ellie - Thanks. It was a tough choice to make. I tried to find someone to take her, but no one could. Plus she wouldn't have adapted to someone new at her age. When I was looking for apartments for myself, I wasn't sure I'dbe able to keep either cat. Most apartments allow them, but the fees are usually absurd. Im glad i still have Kuuga, thanks to Alexa.

Actually, I should mention that she was with me when we took Kina in. If she hadn't been there for me I would have been a complete mess and incapable of driving Kuuga up that day.

[Jayne01]

Btw, love your new pic!

Thank you...

[Sarah_P]

Woohoo!!! #KCPride18! (Kansas City Pride 2018, for the hashtag-deficient).



I got photo-bombed by TGI!    FYI, my hair's not shorter - I had it tied back because it was too hot otherwise!





We ran into our friend Diane, who was seriously into it! Plus a pink dinosaur!




Some shots of the fair. For some reason I didn't get shots of all the tents for dealers. Most of them didn't want pictures taken, anyway. Should have taken more in general. Probably would have, but Alexa forgot her phone!    BTW, the whole thing was much bigger than my photos make it look. It was just stretched out along a road, and not spread out in a square or anything.



We decided to get in on the whole flag thing. I got my smaller trans and pan flags, and Alexa got the big trans flag (btw, I need to pay more attention to the background when I take pictures of people.... sorry, Alexa!). I was wearing my flags from the back, tucked through my belt for most of the fair. 

It was a lot of fun, and there were so many awesome people there. I was so happy to see lots of trans folks (of all varieties) there, too! Many wearing the flag like capes. There was one family with a teenage trans son with 'The scary trans person the media's warned you about... is my son!' t-shirts. I had to go up to them and thank them for being such wonderful and supportive parents.

Other than that, tons of people selling some awesome stuff. I almost bought the rainbow angel wings. There was a leather dealer with tons of fun custom made stuff ( ), but it was too expensive for us. Maybe when I get a job (fingers crossed!). There were two tables that would glitter you for free, but we didn't partake, since I know how invasive it is. We'd be finding glitter everywhere for a month or more. There was also a carnival, which we walked through but didn't partake of. I don't trust mobile carnival rides, and the food is pretty bad compared to what else was available. Of course most of the food all over there was over-priced, especially this one huge stand (completely absurd prices like $12 for a smoked sausage!).

If Alexa wasn't working today we'd probably go back again. Ran into some other friends, too. Definitely be there again next year!